Nikki Minaj's makeup artist is actually a 5 year old girl that just draws on her with markers.

Well if you're gonna be a bitch about it, I'll sleep with someone else's boyfriend

At least I won't be judged on Twitter, cause y'all are just as fucked up as I am

Snooki has a NY Times best selling book but you don't. I'm going to let that sink in for a while as you ponder your life

Honoring the Mexican soldiers the right way..by drinking excessively till I'm drunk and eating nachos.

Church: where the members will judge you way before God does

With all those Instagram pictures that you're taking of yourself, I'd rather you go back to taking pictures of your cat

I drink to forget the things I've tweeted while I was drunk

If my mother ever saw my twitter account she would probably understand why I'm still single..

Your boring story is the reason I'm a drunk now

I can see this will be a boring conversation by the way you said ”hi”

I must star allll the tweets!!!!!!

The only time cursive writing came in handy was when I had to forge my parents signature

If I don't know how to make a sandwich, does this mean I'm not wifey material? Looks like it's just me and my cat

If life gave me lemons, I'd throw it right back and yell out "Let me know when you have some chocolate!!"

Wondering how many of you guys went to your Hispanic friends who are NOT MEXICAN and wished them a Happy Cinco de Mayo

People who wear sunglasses indoors<--Douchebags

Not sure what your tweet means, but sure, why not, I'll star it anyways!

A lot of these Instagram pictures looks like someone shit on the pictures and smeared it all over

Theres alwys tht 1 neighbor who just yells @ all the kids playing outside,telling thm to keep it down.Sadly,in this case,tht neighbor is me