I just started this twitter acct and favstar. So you all pass me around like the town slut.

A flea jumped up my nose. I either learned to krump or had a small seizure.

WOOHOO. I now have 15 followers! More than 10 gets a prize right?

By a show of hands how many guys would rather have sex than masturbate? ............ Come on now, ya got at least one hand free.

No thanks NuvaRing. I dont want to be traumatized every 3 weeks when I pull that skanky, slimy thing outta my vagina.

I am a former Facebook addict. I was told you guys could offer support.

Best part of my weekend was getting ID'ed for smokes! FYI, I'm 37.

Being a Southern woman is harder than you may think. 6am is early after a night of cousin fucking. Chill theys 2nd cousins!

I hate fat girls with skinny legs! It's unfair I tell ya.

Bet you I would have had a lot more fun had I been easy instead of smart.

I'm working with TLC on a new reality show. It's about people who watch reality tv shows all day.

Holy mother! I just had to drag my crazy dog off the school bus!

Everytime I sign into Twitter a little voice says "stranger danger!"

You dont need any stinking Cialis baby. If I cant get that thing up then it's broken for good.

Why dont more people follow me already? I'm kinda funny and I have a boob avi!

How dare you snore on my couch when I have no cigarettes! I kill you!

What is this twitter crush you speak of? May I get in on it? Is there an application?

Being a cold hearted skank is harder than they make it look on TV.

When I call the cashier at Wal Mart a slow, lazy bitch I'm just saying what the rest of the people in line are thinking.

I remembered the butter. Now I wish I would have bought a nice, thick cucumber.