The hardcore way to eat ramen noodles:

1. Boil water 2. Eat block of ramen 3. Drink boiled water 4. Snort flavored powder 5. Fuck Bitches.

Hardest Desicion of Our Childhood:

Charmander, Squirtle or Baulbasaur.

To all students who recieved poor results on their SAT's, remember. 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't like pickles on my BigMac.

I turned my phone onto "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever.

Walking in the park this morning to see two homeless men hitting eachother with cardboard. Pillow fight?

Weird.... Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign

What does a Tennessee football fan do after they beat Alabama? Turn off the xbox and go to bed

Ghetto wet floor sign - Caution, Bitches be trippin.

Sorry whore, but unfortunately your vagina does not have a "clear history" button.

Try saying Toy Boat 10 times fast. Retweet if you had an #epicfail

I dont care what you think of me. James Blunt thinks im beautiful

I'm not saying shes a whore.... all I'm saying is that shes been on more weiners than heinz ketchup

That awkward moment when your scuba diving and you see adele rolling in the deep

auto correct at its finest! http://t.co/jFjdJy9F

on a scale of 1 to Greg Jennings how good are you at puttin da team on yo back

Me: Why is it so hot in here all of a sudden?

Friend: Oh sorry should I leave the room?

Me: No. We use you as air conditioner.

When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"

Ever have that one person whose presence automaticly pisses you off?

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."

I don't want to sound like a badass or anything but... I eject my USB without removing it safely.