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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 3,715
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexkmathisenElizabethhJoIronKuntwhodoblueberryTayyabTDOGkerry0280MyTweetsRshlt
    • 3,030
    • RETWEETS
    daphorceElizabethhJoIronKuntMuraad01TayyabTDOGMyTweetsRshltStabby_smurfJay_FrickinLynn
    anjadrischNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronActingAnEejitloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,072
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexTeejayRushdarkshadow13JOESWAG69ULLANDHonourableHusbaxayilaVignesh_Athreyahenry_iblis
    • 1,836
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushJOESWAG69ULLANDpraisecheeseDidamTwitWillCraytonStabby_smurfhollywood_95_69sjam29
    juneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenanjadrischallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monsterchopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 2,640
    • FAVS
    liliths_lairStabby_smurfblanco_basurasmarte73drugsandbonersJay_FrickinLynnMadame_le_SuzyAllieA
    • 1,537
    • RETWEETS
    benicus_rexModerateBenderStabby_smurfsmarte73Jay_FrickinLynnBigBagOfScumpeedinyourtubMellicubed
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneralCopulatermanSSDatedryanincogeniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 2,576
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexhalvfabrikatMessyWho76coopurgeekisshowingIronKuntOpenClassMXStabby_smurf
    • 1,445
    • RETWEETS
    urgeekisshowingIronKuntStabby_smurfJay_FrickinLynnkaykayrose143MissSpookySpookmadtimeAnitaHelmet
    IGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsBangGangingjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4Lifejjax44AmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 2,609
    • FAVS
    miztattooknaaastyDeurb1ourshanesucksKhrisWarholhemiteBthe1HashtagPuppiesGotBadTouched
    • 1,385
    • RETWEETS
    knaaastyDeurb1GotBadTouchedchoovertweetsKillingsworth27hippoanonymousOwlieBird_cstodds
    GoggnerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundalelwhit_the_bosscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_MonsterocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,082
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexMikkelsenAdrianveldigskikkeligmariacancansmarte73yakuuuuultJay_FrickinLynnMadame_le_Suzy
    • 1,545
    • RETWEETS
    TrygdepartietSoulCaddieyakuuuuultbardeide__Jay_FrickinLynnthemstherules_PitkachuJWesWilliams
    dmdjournalEarth2Eddiegaliamango________
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,146
    • FAVS
    juicyjuice7benicus_rexJust4funsaJaneBadallAKackleysmarte73rickkondellOpenClassMX
    • 1,188
    • RETWEETS
    JaneBadallAKackleyrickkondellJay_FrickinLynnColinWolfe91peedinyourtubSchusterJanerenee_cavanaugh
    JaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,033
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexwhodoblueberryTheJackDMikesmarte73yakuuuuultJay_FrickinLynnss7goddessMadame_le_Suzy
    • 1,270
    • RETWEETS
    uhhnataliesmarte73yakuuuuultVegasGILFJay_FrickinLynnss7goddessMadame_le_Suzy2loony1
    LockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamango________meaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 1,956
    • FAVS
    LAZYSUNDAYMYASSRobbi123KelgoreTroutbenicus_rexmbvisorJDiggity2114buriedwithkidswhodoblueberry
    • 1,124
    • RETWEETS
    GinaValleyHellraiseraddyburiedwithkidssmarte73rickkondellyakuuuuultJay_FrickinLynnMonicaSez
    GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,035
    • FAVS
    TBH42benicus_rexrickkondellJay_FrickinLynnAllieABerryMaddAnitaHelmet2loony1
    • 900
    • RETWEETS
    benicus_rexMichaelMonroe90rickkondellJay_FrickinLynnBerryMaddAnitaHelmet2loony14boding
    a_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimPhoenixRises69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackScotticlesKampSinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedSchmoodles________IntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 1,745
    • FAVS
    FilterlessBeastalmostcharlottemrs_hmayfieldmrbuster60betowmxnewstart43AustinNissenbeingmissy
    • 1,110
    • RETWEETS
    kim_jzanbetowmxnewstart43Bsilverstrim77percythepenguin__Freezy_commondrifterpassengerjam
    Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1rzaroscoVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__terrificmichael
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 1,425
    • FAVS
    JustStooGentlyTemperedbenicus_rexwhodoblueberryreed180asmarte73rickkondellJay_FrickinLynn
    • 1,000
    • RETWEETS
    JustStooGentlyTemperedpolorizeCapeTownBlondereed180arickkondellJay_FrickinLynnJenMoore945
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellaRtwotAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 1,746
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexJay_FrickinLynnNanabonnieJ_says_anjadrischAnitaHelmetCorsairR2800museofhistory
    • 545
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnanjadrisch2loony1peedinyourtubCVTBabytequilasaltlifea_olivia4212Wine_Plz
    emireecraireJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaidMaxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,393
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexkwirkyKerriMichaelMonroe90smarte73Jay_FrickinLynnrainadobsonss7goddessDebraMuffin
    • 881
    • RETWEETS
    AZN8IVkwirkyKerriMichaelMonroe90smarte73Jay_FrickinLynnss7goddessMadame_le_Suzy2loony1
    googleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,494
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexsmarte73Jay_FrickinLynnKryseybpeedinyourtubMellicubedCVTBabydslfumes
    • 761
    • RETWEETS
    smarte73Jay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifeflavoredfetishsuperdadatronVN_RubenLoggs15MagillicuttyMac
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,595
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexwhodoblueberrykwirkyKerriJay_FrickinLynnanjadrischCapeTownBlondeBulldozerBoserSharpeBytes
    • 593
    • RETWEETS
    kwirkyKerriJay_FrickinLynn2loony1DallaniMarlebeanimallwritecomquiefqueenOmarKhyamiam
    IvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_murderofbananasCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just noticed my desk calendar ends on December 31. Here we go again.

    • 1,223
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexJay_FrickinLynn2loony1GeauxSaints79peedinyourtubMellicubedmelibuffMonicann86
    • 940
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnpeedinyourtubtequilasaltlifeGinGander1par8headryangriffithssuperdadatronmoses_mark_
    ashleycremCaptainObtuselucyworld1gigglegirlnoelCanadian_HoserMikecanrant
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 1,222
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexclarissamargymaclibraryHarwellThrasherNichollsBrandonJigglyToesjancowoljoshwayne
    • 819
    • RETWEETS
    isofarrosetmajerburroughs06JMRowsellSpecialRuicuodesignNorthwardsDSklausphotos
    seanx3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,358
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexkwirkyKerrijohnnyCulJay_FrickinLynnKryseybGeauxSaints79peedinyourtubCVTBaby
    • 657
    • RETWEETS
    johnnyCulJay_FrickinLynnpeedinyourtubJmShuttlesworthTheTaxiHackmrbigyearallisulliKDsDonutRocket
    DaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyZdiddy19STOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.

    • 1,477
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexTiafuckinTootsJay_FrickinLynnMadame_le_SuzyKryseybGeauxSaints79peedinyourtubMellicubed
    • 524
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnpeedinyourtubevecaroline2010MellicubedSweetSharon619jamb_o_maticBharatiyaMambaa_olivia4212
    kellyskellytiffinysawyersBonerfiedtwit
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
Pro

I'll be here all weak.