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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 3,965
    • FAVS
    Havnfun28AmeyaSurwasejimbobagginsesceilckneods101ItsMeShrivaasMadiJKraeKraeHorribleDancer
    • 3,186
    • RETWEETS
    ItsMeShrivaasHorribleDancerJaloch254sundayhorkeyJaden_kacqrispatcoholicsiddhesh_sidHurricane_Timmy
    lawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808anjadrischNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,355
    • FAVS
    Havnfun28AmeyaSurwasejimbobagginsesRetchtub1ItsMeShrivaasHorribleDancerJSLauderdaleBlackCheesePie
    • 2,052
    • RETWEETS
    AmeyaSurwaseItsMeShrivaasubale_dhirajHorribleDancerT_Shams23SoulCaddiePussycatPlacemaddyalou
    bakedbrotatoesjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenanjadrischallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 2,824
    • FAVS
    AmeyaSurwaseFancyNancyAnnjimbobagginsesRetchtub1ItsMeShrivaasMadiJKraeKraegypsy_shaneLipglosslesbo
    • 1,675
    • RETWEETS
    AmeyaSurwasejimbobagginsesOhYouFanchaHuhgypsy_shaneLipglosslesboHorribleDancerT_Shams23BigRim79
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryanincogeniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 2,848
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDancer25JumpstreetAnyaLachae7jesseleighdrewJBolo9476JSLauderdaleDrDweezil
    • 1,602
    • RETWEETS
    25JumpstreetJBolo9476JSLauderdalejeffreyr77Troublesince72T_Shams23SoFiyahDWally389
    Sims_was_herekcMcCowgirlRobertMorschelIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydeliriousjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4Lifejjax44AmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 2,869
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesceilckHorribleDancerJSLauderdaleDrDweezileggcentrixkaytaabroknT
    • 1,538
    • RETWEETS
    kaytaabroknTCallMeDraperspccpastmattDebbiefrmn1rankingTweetsprincesslisa20nattybumkin1
    LurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantBromanConsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,402
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDancerjeffreyr77T_Shams23onelongbenderCJZ_1Liberty_JunkieBigRim79
    • 1,438
    • RETWEETS
    A_robb86Liberty_JunkieKellieLouise8BigRim79caseytduncanLawrenceKnowsitsmemistydawnraginbull67
    AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,157
    • FAVS
    42nagirlcanakatydidblisstiqueRoechelleFoleymike__millerLolaVelvetKissOhSookieSookieBigmouthdummy
    • 1,593
    • RETWEETS
    youcantbeMissTcokeaddictcanakatydidRoxieKatLolaVelvetKissLaylaSocksbeatupmartinCreatingJasmime
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,329
    • FAVS
    mediocregeesmudgittthe_anastasiaDipbeccagardeningmama86slaveviviennekimt205jimbobagginses
    • 1,298
    • RETWEETS
    blurryfotokimt205SolelyBjimbobagginsesNRbabiesmommabookishponydarrrkstarrrmommadrinks
    girl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanAHoundNamedAlbaJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,142
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDancerDrDweezilT_Shams23SeaGreeneArtLivingEverywayBigRim79PORNOPINION
    • 1,330
    • RETWEETS
    T_Shams23SeaGreeneArtBigRim79fawmaster69SirCasioKL7000HollyHealsChansonInMyHairlove_my_2cats
    LockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 1,888
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDancerDrDweezilJulieSnarkRichBeingRichmlccmmisterbaseddaemonic3
    • 1,196
    • RETWEETS
    jeffreyr77bookekegle15rosemar09250752joross238geo2142misterbasedmlccmdaemonic3
    lakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1rzaroscoVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,133
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesT_Shams23onelongbenderivoryanathemaLiberty_JunkiePateurik1NRbabiesmommaToxicProbably
    • 947
    • RETWEETS
    T_Shams23KarmaTiePreethi_K164jabtakhaipaanInUnderlanddnaughtywriter2ScarsFourEyesFlexsteelrod
    anjadrischa_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackdefnotscottKampSinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,762
    • FAVS
    FancyNancyAnnSolelyBjimbobagginsesAmuckeryItsEhsanHDrDweezildsherb002jeffreyr77
    • 1,130
    • RETWEETS
    jimbobagginsesdsherb002SigneSaysSosara_ashlynnT_Shams23steelcityfan278BigRim79BravesB_
    googleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 1,699
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDancerdariospeedwagonHunter_RifficjesseleighdrewJSLauderdalealright_alreadyTimben66
    • 1,179
    • RETWEETS
    69shadesoftaarJSLauderdaleTimben66laurajennyjotkcoltsfanT_Shams23pessimistpatMagoosback
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 1,645
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesSocialExtortionseagullskilaibamasoodjeffreyr77AmyWill62863570BadaBingeheatlebjorn
    • 1,150
    • RETWEETS
    noel_skialwaysaventiAmyWill62863570heatlebjornWemc77Wendycelestinelea90SigneSaysSoNeilkWhitehead
    Liberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee_fuzzlimeseanx3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 1,816
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDancerJSLauderdaleDrDweezilonelongbenderLoveNLunchmeatKellieLouise84boding
    • 568
    • RETWEETS
    flipthistweetgetyourownavi__rosegalv7iGreenMonkHollyHealsKMk4KickskcMcCowgirlJonnyKooler
    emireecraireJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaidMaxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,558
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDanceronelongbenderCJZ_1LoveNLunchmeataimlessamers14NunnZerofever
    • 785
    • RETWEETS
    ZerofeverTheSpekkHollyHealsBadGrahammarNolaChef504JonnyKoolerzero3_benzVenusRockHobbit
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,679
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDancerjesseleighdrewBrindsayJSLauderdaleCubanaMama82KeithAshersonelongbender
    • 637
    • RETWEETS
    BrindsayJSLauderdalechoopdogonelongbenderKellieLouise8berger2323RockAngel8907iheartgunts
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,490
    • FAVS
    emmatheisteluna333jimbobagginsesHorribleDancerjesseleighdrewQueenAnnabellaNaughtyBritcheswallace_rhikki
    • 745
    • RETWEETS
    jesseleighdrewJSLauderdalewallace_rhikkiDadUnderfirechadthornsberrySaxyBeotchtashacherriathSeattleGrump
    DaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.

    • 1,612
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesDrDweezilT_Shams23onelongbenderTDeeRockinked_thoughtzzcynthetismJust_A_Guy72
    • 606
    • RETWEETS
    T_Shams23cynthetismLurkAtHomeMom2tickytackyCherishMeWICKEDTRUTH01fawmaster69KnightInGamer
    kellyskellykissmeimkinkyBonerfiedtwit
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just noticed my desk calendar ends on December 31. Here we go again.

    • 1,251
    • FAVS
    jimbobagginsesHorribleDanceriGreenMonkemery_kayeTim_HawkenHollyHealsSleazySlidavid_tull
    • 951
    • RETWEETS
    HollyHealskcMcCowgirlJonnyKoolerdthur3232fridaycandyzero3_benzVenusRockHobbitSihophone
    ashleycremCaptainObtuselucyworld1gigglegirlnoelCanadian_HoserMikecanrant
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
Pro

I'll be here all weak. http://favstar.fm/users/WilliamAder