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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,545
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    • 3,543
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,829
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    StickyHoney_BeeBuffyMaddinglyenvydatropicStaceyShortcakeGeoroyoAlexTheAlkyBrdnHatesYousixfootcandy
    • 2,353
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,513
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    SybtDelorekrisnair_Blonde_Moment77StickyHoney_BeeSanfordFisher4BuffyMaddinglyenvydatropicStaceyShortcake
    • 2,017
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,145
    • LIKES
    StaceyShortcakeAlex_N_ChainsfuckingcuntfuckMardigroansucre_nipsAbdalrahman_A_Aksfellakateb861
    • 1,871
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,183
    • LIKES
    StickyHoney_BeeBuffyMaddinglyStaceyShortcakedreamthievinDollyejhSVRideScorpio1080fuckingcuntfuck
    • 1,734
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,992
    • LIKES
    WildeThingyRobertr369StickyHoney_BeeBuffyMaddinglyStaceyShortcakeyonewtfc_rayAlex_N_Chains
    • 1,781
    • RETWEETS
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    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguise__IamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,453
    • LIKES
    WildeThingyRobertr369BuffyMaddinglyAndyKauffmanLaptopShopWHBellaG00Dsucre_nipsAskBellaWagner
    • 1,806
    • RETWEETS
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    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,561
    • LIKES
    King_Qautth3rapyysarahmishomikkelhendisoncnako_HelloJessicaFoxBeccalo1991_mindflakes
    • 1,436
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,371
    • LIKES
    BuffyMaddinglyMoronycIsThisIt67chloesavoiaMrgnCsslsCurleySueViewyokaiulaniirisheyes4lyfe
    • 1,461
    • RETWEETS
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    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,253
    • LIKES
    BuffyMaddinglycurlymalloyfc_rayHatfieldAnneAlex_N_ChainschrismoidBCariddTakeItCheezy
    • 1,558
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,258
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    chrismoidAbdalrahman_A_Asunny85139dezo471el_mo25BoxJanesIwishuwouldntiGreenMonk
    • 1,518
    • RETWEETS
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    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,293
    • LIKES
    mbruin95HeSlimedMeRayToxicWorrierMentalMisterHanmaboogie__mattgallo123KidBeatnixErrenMichaels
    • 1,418
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 2,244
    • LIKES
    tmonizzleRJlovestoreadscottkpetersenN0tSebastiankayleighpugethuey_eSeaGlass4Nicolefuzzlime
    • 1,363
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 2,200
    • LIKES
    caseytduncanMaui_SpeaksFKACornshucksinigoomontoyameatandpuddingyesterdaygirlyRdrJay47missnotsocool95
    • 1,210
    • RETWEETS
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    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,279
    • LIKES
    DontTouchMyWinechrismoidAbdalrahman_A_Aheatherjsmbruin95brennadinedangerousd111dhumann
    • 1,045
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,114
    • LIKES
    sucre_nipsAbdalrahman_A_AluvmyADHDheatherjsToxicWorrieraka_fatmanvergiejjd12StacieTyree
    • 699
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    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,588
    • LIKES
    curlymalloyrunawaycupcakecatherinegunsonnotladylimethepoetknightyonewtgrantgriesel666MooMooMahjoub
    • 1,114
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,698
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    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______luuuuceDosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,832
    • LIKES
    fc_rayBook_KrazyMkSpeaksHisMindkclinejessokfineTheGladStorkJayyymo22Odi1978F
    • 719
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,645
    • LIKES
    BethR_27516Zach_TeamsloppydaughterchrismoidJordyPants_1kick1hat1snareheatherjsdangerousd111
    • 817
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@WilliamAder

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