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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,520
    • FAVS
    kr_rommEugeneMasonABQdew_luluBellevivant66daniel_frijolesnowarrantyfishy_smellsPetrickSara
    • 3,518
    • RETWEETS
    HuajatollaChicdew_lulusugar_lips30nowarrantyfishy_smellskitty4hawksdancampbell01Amaniderella
    KhrisWordsHome_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808__Thrill_TweeterNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,766
    • FAVS
    KanazBadazzVelvetNightSkyktcp09BurbidgeJamesi_wasnt_lookingDrtyHippiBethanyImmoorwickedphoenix78
    • 2,307
    • RETWEETS
    lushrabbiwickedphoenix78ChrisfromHBSAmdpakrattDrtyHippiImJoviJovNiall_GaffKanazBadazz
    lloydrangOberoiVarun13peeznutsjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_TweeterallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,400
    • FAVS
    buck4ittTILClientmattgallo123_M1N1DanaCadgerTilt_A_Squirrelrealchickenbobitslouis
    • 1,930
    • RETWEETS
    realchickenbobkamontgomeryDanaCadgeritslouisCapp_West1975blogMyFairCharityjcstarzyk
    WonderMonkey78MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirlgerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydelirious__jimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,129
    • FAVS
    lillyflower44NeonKrisaea1731smokeymccheefoBoozieMcFloozysavage_wienerusedtobgoplloydrang
    • 1,863
    • RETWEETS
    ea1731gi_problemchildBoozieMcFloozysavage_wienerusedtobgopHuajatollaChicscott_atlantaTwatWaffler69
    alizmaybromanconsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,153
    • FAVS
    teenbean70peaceofclay890lrlucio64gaynorlsimpsonBlackCheesePieproEXgirlfriendDrAlleconBigpairoftits
    • 1,714
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckkhorvusTrivagoDjoeyfullystateddmo614KhaleddAhmedwhatisantiSuperRandomish
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantbromanconsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,925
    • FAVS
    LunagattinaTea_and_EmpathyimcorinnemecBob123056qwertyingameo02mattgallo123Tilt_A_Squirrel
    • 1,768
    • RETWEETS
    BobbyMinglesRueBarb_shelbytrinehartqwertyingameo02Tilt_A_SquirrelEdgOfARvolutionbuzcuts
    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,423
    • FAVS
    lillyflower44gi_problemchildsavage_wienerlloydrangfishy_smellsmattgallo123kyran_O1093sneezy20340967
    • 1,783
    • RETWEETS
    savage_wienerHuajatollaChicfishy_smellssneezy20340967SuperJuanderersapiophile_Conky_Shogrider05
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,530
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelKidBeatnixRadioNicholeiiknowbutstillchaylordhogrider05sparkyopie
    • 1,421
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixStrangersinmudchaylordhogrider05sparkyopiealiencat28WorkingMom86snowbenton
    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanKendellMaddenJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,193
    • FAVS
    dennis_peter_58jbbraziersavage_wienerevanjaustinGazlaaar2011summermainstmurbefffEsraaAlim
    • 1,551
    • RETWEETS
    savage_wienerHuajatollaChicgwillakersjuenbugCF_Official_NYClovestained555Slave_4_UJDLewisNZ
    KidBeatnixDumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeSeanX3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,288
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123KidBeatnixErrenMichaelsSuperJuandererboneworthsapiophile_Strangersinmudhogrider05
    • 1,414
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixSuperJuandererhogrider05aliencat28WorkingMom86Mr_KapowskiMyPornKhanOutOnTheMoors
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,060
    • FAVS
    lawaljalal42nagirlfreqnicbiancajamottefoxfoxx3HockeyGoddess24Davidam63AValeeGrrl
    • 1,379
    • RETWEETS
    dawn_lovelacefoxfoxx3ValeeGrrltrevorsolinacaylee7JuliasPappamsvioletteBradBroaddus
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,061
    • FAVS
    lillyflower44CareEg33lamapaulroger49801Jeniroo11bobw1oJGeilsLandlloydrang
    • 1,301
    • RETWEETS
    CareEg33lloydrangfishy_smellsKidBeatnixLeliafrzblueyedchick77SkeeTONYou584shessocunty
    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,271
    • FAVS
    lillyflower44fishy_smellsAvModirtysdocscott_towelGenevieve0404maelorinschumyxxx
    • 1,042
    • RETWEETS
    HuajatollaChic_sailorturtlefishy_smellsbaldiniJhGenevieve0404MelanieShebelKidBeatnixInnocent_Prick
    KidBeatnixThrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,980
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelMyFairCharityShingapoopKidBeatnixParentNormalSuperJuandererPipeFellow
    • 1,232
    • RETWEETS
    bee_lakeSuperJuandererMindless4Mileshogrider05ParallellParkerdiyer4life32pol_e_wogLADaddy
    abrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,106
    • FAVS
    misincarnatedMelittaLopezbluemeeniequeeenvkshake24x7BigBang6000KirstensDeskshkeeber
    • 697
    • RETWEETS
    robdaveKERTRajaaBuh_BitchesdondraperrocksangieissocandidartichokeHuwLaytonJemill13
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,815
    • FAVS
    Eliza_KindInnerRhythm2012cambusladSociaBallisticUhhmIDontKnowdarrinfbSassyTexasGalMrMooGert
    • 959
    • RETWEETS
    Suq_MadiqcambusladSociaBallisticUhhmIDontKnowtrucrimebuffDEmenheiserSassyTexasGalMrMooGert
    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,581
    • FAVS
    qqnquinaughtywriter2MrMooGertevanjaustinTouchMyTweetssgpeek1docwatersEdRivas1
    • 1,110
    • RETWEETS
    MrMooGertKatePhillips22evanjaustinTouchMyTweetsHuajatollaChicvalentina_m_m_EdRivas1tma_sierrahills
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,614
    • FAVS
    qqnquiMrMooGertmattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelParentNormalrumandrockskgirl683_BOOTS_ELECTRIC
    • 924
    • RETWEETS
    MrMooGertHuajatollaChicAnil_DikshitTilt_A_SquirrelrumandrocksdsbrohanmisterbrymoGeauxSaints79
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______JJLUCE3DosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,793
    • FAVS
    sgtblueeyesKenPowell252StinkyGr33nshade_teasumthinkAdrielVazquez10Slave_4_UCailiChastain
    • 703
    • RETWEETS
    KenPowell252SeaGlass4NicoleStinkyGr33nshade_teaHuajatollaChicSlave_4_Umattgallo123diyer4life32
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,637
    • FAVS
    streetscoopTilt_A_SquirrelhighxxxyieldAshleyCraibSteveDutzyKidBeatnixParentNormalMeanGene420
    • 816
    • RETWEETS
    HuajatollaChictsst1084SRhodes85TomParis_2346SteveDutzyKidBeatnixMeanGene420Mindless4Miles
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
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