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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,555
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    tonylovesotisShesAlwaysWriteJoMcNallyAuthorSnowBrooks_HoldawayIanGFauxPasAChillGhostdon_haworth
    • 3,551
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    SophicSirenShesAlwaysWriteramaniyanSnowBrooks_HoldawayIanJoeKoffeesaturnagirlVerbsRProudest
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,861
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    real_osiyahighpoppeemilena_miki37jajensen327DaBebbytheminizooBenglesmith3MBComics
    • 2,364
    • RETWEETS
    IsItThatDeepscatteredstanzaSJRLMreal_osiyameinkampf13edie_elouiseswagprefectWarrantedThings
    SharpeBytescurlymalloylloydrangOberoiVarun13peeznuts__juneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_Tweeterallisulli__GrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,513
    • LIKES
    SybtDelore__krisnair_Blonde_Moment77StickyHoney_BeeoffensiveslickBuffyMaddinglyenvydatropicStaceyShortcake
    • 2,017
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,149
    • LIKES
    AmelieWestonash_nassifKidsAreDorksRdrJay47StaceyShortcakeAlex_N_ChainsfuckingcuntfuckMardigroan
    • 1,873
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    alizmaybromanconsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,220
    • LIKES
    naimanationalPYRAMlDMATTERkhairounaaaaaagnesbookbindershawnahazeoKaitlynHalloKatherineBelz17debbiefromiowa
    • 1,766
    • RETWEETS
    apatheticwooteccentricyohmysweetgirl3naimanationalchiefkeeeshjjapkneeskhairounaaaaashawnahaze
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantbromanconsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,996
    • LIKES
    thatfunnydudstephani_meadowbailey_ferRdrJay47WildeThingyRobertr369StickyHoney_BeeBuffyMaddingly
    • 1,782
    • RETWEETS
    ruthfw13RdrJay47Robertr369StickyHoney_BeeBuffyMaddinglycurlymalloyStaceyShortcakeyonewt
    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,461
    • LIKES
    ReginaFalaaangePetrickSarabsonderKMagiltonMilyMcSheppyCharmmCasterheatherhaskidsRdrJay47
    • 1,812
    • RETWEETS
    MilyMcSheppybidu676CharmmCasterheatherhaskidsRdrJay47gildermikeRobertr369BuffyMaddingly
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,578
    • LIKES
    danielcaputikatrablTwisted_MettleSteveKoehler22LMFOFLpaperphotoyoCilboBagginslogospilgrim
    • 1,449
    • RETWEETS
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    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanKendellMaddenJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC___see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,376
    • LIKES
    mimsyyykasapuzumlerinitagaleRdrJay47moodtoothBuffyMaddinglyMoronycIsThisIt67
    • 1,463
    • RETWEETS
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    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__iraihcrec
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,257
    • LIKES
    kasapuzumlerinitagaleRdrJay47abetterjulieBuffyMaddinglycurlymalloyfc_rayHatfieldAnne
    • 1,559
    • RETWEETS
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    KidBeatnixDumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeCleverDudRunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkensecondsetcoachbestlizardSheWearsChucksDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,269
    • LIKES
    arun131995ThingsmyybfsaysoctoscadHollyGodwinMoonfartzkasapuzumleriLazyAss_psychoDavidOssai
    • 1,532
    • RETWEETS
    Thingsmyybfsaysrytious_kidMr_KutiiReal_KhayceeHollyGodwinrunningman20dizzleshizzlekasapuzumleri
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,293
    • LIKES
    mbruin95HeSlimedMeRayToxicWorrierMentalMisterHanmaboogiemattgallo123KidBeatnixErrenMichaels
    • 1,418
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 2,251
    • LIKES
    Scottzilla667ohheyitszaraJameyHastingskelseyheardchimneyspotterMs_Glamour_Pussyonewttmonizzle
    • 1,367
    • RETWEETS
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    heatherjsabrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 2,200
    • LIKES
    caseytduncanMaui_SpeaksFKACornshucksinigoomontoyameatandpuddingyesterdaygirlyRdrJay47missnotsocool95
    • 1,210
    • RETWEETS
    caseytduncanlisaxy424Nikkeya08runawaycupcakeFKACornshucksinigoomontoyayesterdaygirlyRdrJay47
    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,279
    • LIKES
    DontTouchMyWinechrismoidAbdalrahman_A_Aheatherjsmbruin95brennadinedangerousd111dhumann
    • 1,045
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    KidBeatnixThrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69__ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedShcmoodles__FU_Scopelychopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,114
    • LIKES
    sucre_nipsAbdalrahman_A_AluvmyADHDheatherjsToxicWorrieraka_fatmanvergiejjd12StacieTyree
    • 699
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    ToxicWorriersayl73robdaveKERTRajaaBuh_BitchesdondraperrocksAngieissocandidartichoke
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,588
    • LIKES
    curlymalloyrunawaycupcakecatherinegunsonnotladylimethepoetknightyonewtgrantgriesel666MooMooMahjoub
    • 1,114
    • RETWEETS
    runawaycupcakeNeadReportcatherinegunsonKateStewartActsthepoetknightyonewtIbeeryagrantgriesel666
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,700
    • LIKES
    MartialArtsZen1lyledalHariMircheinmcibtytweetcomedianmontanamissoularickpricB1gBrainsMcGee
    • 998
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    lyledalAngellicAribamCecyZehAtlasAvenueDaftsaladIamTahirKazmineondusk60RebeccaEarp
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______luuuuceDosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,832
    • LIKES
    fc_rayBook_KrazyMkSpeaksHisMindkclinejessokfineTheGladStorkJayyymo22Odi1978F
    • 719
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    EFComicPORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,647
    • LIKES
    zenodite9AJslackieBethR_27516Zach_TeamsloppydaughterchrismoidJordyPants_1kick1hat1snare
    • 817
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    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

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