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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,336
    • FAVS
    Ellelouisegirlshesjustamessjover_lointErikShutUpBrdnHatesYousdebastian_marymburkestaskelrascal
    • 3,393
    • RETWEETS
    ErikShutUpAliceebreeWillHinsaSuperJuandererbrianbowman73Curly_gurl135DavidItrainu4uDimitrovPavlovs
    KhrisWarholHome_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808__Thrill_Tweeter__Northside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,659
    • FAVS
    EllelouisegirlNuclear_TeeBubblesnlipglosAdamFrench21Livewire3791consalsaquesoPaulSpaconeNixadoodle
    • 2,234
    • RETWEETS
    Nuclear_TeeComedyLaineyAdamFrench21Hannibal_BaggaIAmSaidWhiskeydede811green_eyed_dollLoveNLunchmeat
    OberoiVarun13peeznutsjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_Tweeter__allisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,215
    • FAVS
    IShawndelldreamsinchocolaAdamFrench21PraiseSmoochErinBurchfielprojectdpAmieHansblondjaglayman
    • 1,832
    • RETWEETS
    EllelouisegirlTearsOfAClown9AdamFrench21marlogirlprojectdpblondjaglaymanolerunkbitchenochblackwater
    MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirlgerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydeliriousjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,043
    • FAVS
    EllelouisegirlshesjustamessMamaFloresjover_lointErikShutUpsdebastianLisaACOTARobTheJester
    • 1,810
    • RETWEETS
    sdebastianJimMarshall007gwb24museofhistoryjesuissherlynmlccmmoose_chocolatechidrole
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,039
    • FAVS
    shesjustamessErikShutUpsdebastianmotrboatrMollySneeddzacharandaiCHANIMAL_5nogg
    • 1,636
    • RETWEETS
    Ellelouisegirlladypaisean5noggmohamudmohamudceeellemmblessedbradysMacaroniinnyCPUliebe
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantBromanConsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,838
    • FAVS
    jover_lointErikShutUpitsclaudybitchsdebastianSaucyCleverClogmewhinneylindserrbakerPetrickSara
    • 1,739
    • RETWEETS
    EllelouisegirlErikShutUpsdebastianHananRashwanmsnisCandelariag4141DumbConfessions_sidknee
    RandomManikAmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,310
    • FAVS
    jover_lointErikShutUpclowndrosdebastianmotrboatrsimonchollanddzacharandaiLisaACOTA
    • 1,720
    • RETWEETS
    Ellelouisegirljover_lointCriggerificStalker799OberoiVarun13CoolSmartest19JmyNAMEisJILLchiragkk
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,506
    • FAVS
    Ellelouisegirljover_lointErikShutUpGhelex_KthatoneEdguybobvulfovgarthinkingcappantsfaced
    • 1,406
    • RETWEETS
    jover_lointemilyannawartpantsfacedSuperJuandererAdWoodyardKerfuckusinfinitepetgrumpyyeti
    Thrill_Tweeter__girl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanAHoundNamedAlbaJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,250
    • FAVS
    ErikShutUpsdebastianFanatical27corvettechrspinkgal155Curly_gurl135hahayoublinkedKris10LR
    • 1,393
    • RETWEETS
    Ellelouisegirlpinkgal155Curly_gurl135AlesandraYunHHubchenrice2meetyouMariyaAlexanderhamymesata
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,017
    • FAVS
    BigBlondeGirl01unlalalalageekonursleeveMamaFloresjover_lointErikShutUpsdebastianmotrboatr
    • 1,434
    • RETWEETS
    EllelouisegirlItsCherrySueMazzyKMamaFloresjover_lointfinancechargeFreestylinDAstroKidAron
    DumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee_fuzzlimeSeanX3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 1,960
    • FAVS
    jover_lointErikShutUpGDGAngelsdebastianmotrboatrKenknudsonKenzulekha_gTeamDirtyGirls
    • 1,323
    • RETWEETS
    Ellelouisegirljover_lointsdebastianKenknudsonKenPaul_Enselldebilena111Shy_TedsInkedUpKidder
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,013
    • FAVS
    jover_lointErikShutUpsdebastianmotrboatrFanatical27brianbowman73Curly_gurl135simoncholland
    • 1,263
    • RETWEETS
    EllelouisegirlFanatical27Curly_gurl135k9essentialsMaaikeBartelinkMarieIsaacskellymarie128ReallyTrish
    lakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,225
    • FAVS
    jover_lointErikShutUpsdebastianMollySneedJ_Illunninatili4mst3w4rtwicce_podgeBrianIncognito
    • 1,004
    • RETWEETS
    EllelouisegirlErikShutUpJ_Illunninatili4mst3w4rtdirtydishtowelsMariaFregandaEnClaveDSol96bhh
    Thrill_Tweeter__a_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackdefnotscottkampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,958
    • FAVS
    Nawyourecrazytarpsyjover_lointErikShutUpctrain_nlsdebastianmotrboatrSoGoFu
    • 1,227
    • RETWEETS
    Nawyourecrazyorchidisle1toasterheadMamaFloresSoGoFuCurly_gurl135at1stiwasafraidHeyLookItsKev
    abrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,072
    • FAVS
    Ellelouisegirlharrislightingjover_lointErikShutUpHubertsTarasdebastianmotrboatrAskBellaWagner
    • 680
    • RETWEETS
    missb62MamaFloressdebastiangaston_marianIzianikapaniDebraMuffinMapleLubeU_Looked
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,632
    • FAVS
    Dompocalyptismjover_lointErikShutUpsdebastianCurly_gurl135MollySneedCriggerificli4mst3w4rt
    • 840
    • RETWEETS
    EllelouisegirlCurly_gurl135Criggerifickrishna_vanMariaFregandaEnClaveDSolmr_tredhiadreadheadmonk
    theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,769
    • FAVS
    Talil7MamaFloresErikShutUpsdebastianmotrboatrKenknudsonKenMollySneedkerryczoch
    • 682
    • RETWEETS
    EllelouisegirlKenknudsonKenkerryczochCriggerificMRPismeMyNameIsPappyGshopkins776HubertsTara
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,614
    • FAVS
    Ellelouisegirljover_lointErikShutUpHubertsTarasdebastianTweetingDadGuyJustinGuarinidreamsinchocola
    • 798
    • RETWEETS
    MapleLubeJulieSnarkCurly_gurl135LosLos__MollySneedeliserose5AsiaEHammondmr_tredhia
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,471
    • FAVS
    aloudlibrarianRandiii__KINXMINXKG_SaurabhHeSlimedMeRayMGailey_Authorravenshadow76Pap_Kyle
    • 834
    • RETWEETS
    KG_Saurabhravenshadow76idunowhoRandiii__asunlovingmomEllelouisegirlsteve_condraVictoriaStarman__
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______JJLUCE3DosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.

    • 1,665
    • FAVS
    brobro___jover_lointsdebastianpineappleiheartPetotejenbattnycsimonchollandLosLos__
    • 629
    • RETWEETS
    Ellelouisegirlbrobro___jover_lointLosLos__westparksadBrandonFord5MollySneedli4mst3w4rt
    kellyskellykissmeimkinkyBonerfiedtwit
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
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