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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 3,721
    • FAVS
    KhrisWarholmarkste71128147marie_pistachioTwoScoopsofpeadavidbryant1haolegurl808benicus_rexkmathisen
    • 3,032
    • RETWEETS
    TwoScoopsofpeahaolegurl808daphorceElizabethhJoIronKuntMuraad01TayyabTDOGMyTweetsRshlt
    haolegurl808anjadrischNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronActingAnEejitloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,076
    • FAVS
    BossyBritches72_mstojScottLinnenRyanAndrewMitchbenicus_rexTeejayRushdarkshadow13JOESWAG69ULLAND
    • 1,838
    • RETWEETS
    RobertMorschelRyanAndrewMitchTeejayRushJOESWAG69ULLANDpraisecheeseDidamTwitWillCraytonStabby_smurf
    juneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenanjadrischallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monsterchopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 2,653
    • FAVS
    sarabananabear_EveryKingdom_unpetitchatjohanmolsson____superwomanjholssonhannamattolafarligbofink
    • 1,542
    • RETWEETS
    gaybroccolimarthatedlaasapskittlestildabosonironisktvitbenicus_rexModerateBenderStabby_smurf
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneralCopulatermanSSDatedryanincogeniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 2,616
    • FAVS
    PhyllisCopelandScrambledMceggsalawson78UncleBob56gen_8675309SocialExtortionstellarella77Dahmerscookpot
    • 1,466
    • RETWEETS
    UncleBob56gen_8675309stellarella77DahmerscookpotbohdisativaJDlikethedrink1HappytwitHappyPlacePro
    RobertMorschelIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsBangGangingjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4Lifejjax44AmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 2,621
    • FAVS
    tayloratericeeudaiimoniakiller_gazeboEddi_RonRonthegayfarmerguylilly_walford_toriallison_WatersOlivia
    • 1,395
    • RETWEETS
    eudaiimoniayeahcarrotjuicebusynessNicoleAngeleenthegayfarmerguyfred87qAutumnTaduszGioeffimAll
    GoggnerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundalelwhit_the_bosscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_MonsterocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,082
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexMikkelsenAdrianveldigskikkeligmariacancansmarte73yakuuuuultJay_FrickinLynnMadame_le_Suzy
    • 1,545
    • RETWEETS
    TrygdepartietSoulCaddieyakuuuuultbardeideJay_FrickinLynnthemstherules_PitkachuJWesWilliams
    dmdjournalEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,058
    • FAVS
    eviltwinspeaksChiveGrnLanternLynniePDquirkismsLondonLoubiesjakiebergersenM3JCNVLynnDuray
    • 1,289
    • RETWEETS
    eviltwinspeaksandymdavey26LassShyCannonKCCOChiveGrnLanterntactisnotformeLondonLoubiespushingweightz
    LockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,146
    • FAVS
    juicyjuice7benicus_rexJust4funsaJaneBadallAKackleysmarte73rickkondellOpenClassMX
    • 1,188
    • RETWEETS
    JaneBadallAKackleyrickkondellJay_FrickinLynnColinWolfe91peedinyourtubSchusterJanerenee_cavanaugh
    JaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,004
    • FAVS
    KhrisWarholelle8000SharpeByteswyldreamKathyPeaJermHimselfishLokyraStoneJudyBooty02
    • 1,162
    • RETWEETS
    SharpeBytesducksthoughtsJudyBooty02thedailymarkerNURGLEAVEST5di_anonymouslybob99901smirkykev
    GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,035
    • FAVS
    TBH42benicus_rexrickkondellJay_FrickinLynnAllieABerryMaddAnitaHelmet2loony1
    • 900
    • RETWEETS
    benicus_rexMichaelMonroe90rickkondellJay_FrickinLynnBerryMaddAnitaHelmet2loony14boding
    a_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimPhoenixRises69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackScotticlesKampSinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedSchmoodles________IntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 1,753
    • FAVS
    scurvypuppystljvndoors3BarbiturateCatStella1070FunnyRandomNicoleroxxuellentee
    • 1,117
    • RETWEETS
    leebear15nelmikeymyeverylstnervendoors3PsstCaptainFunnyRandomellenteekim_jzan
    Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1rzaroscoVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__terrificmichael
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 1,425
    • FAVS
    JustStooGentlyTemperedbenicus_rexwhodoblueberryreed180asmarte73rickkondellJay_FrickinLynn
    • 1,000
    • RETWEETS
    JustStooGentlyTemperedpolorizeCapeTownBlondereed180arickkondellJay_FrickinLynnJenMoore945
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellaRtwotAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 1,746
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexJay_FrickinLynnNanabonnieJ_says_anjadrischAnitaHelmetCorsairR2800museofhistory
    • 545
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnanjadrisch2loony1peedinyourtubCVTBabytequilasaltlifea_olivia4212Wine_Plz
    emireecraireJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaidMaxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,393
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexkwirkyKerriMichaelMonroe90smarte73Jay_FrickinLynnrainadobsonss7goddessDebraMuffin
    • 881
    • RETWEETS
    AZN8IVkwirkyKerriMichaelMonroe90smarte73Jay_FrickinLynnss7goddessMadame_le_Suzy2loony1
    googleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,494
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexsmarte73Jay_FrickinLynnKryseybpeedinyourtubMellicubedCVTBabydslfumes
    • 761
    • RETWEETS
    smarte73Jay_FrickinLynntequilasaltlifeflavoredfetishsuperdadatronVN_RubenLoggs15MagillicuttyMac
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,595
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexwhodoblueberrykwirkyKerriJay_FrickinLynnanjadrischCapeTownBlondeBulldozerBoserSharpeBytes
    • 593
    • RETWEETS
    kwirkyKerriJay_FrickinLynn2loony1DallaniMarlebeanimallwritecomquiefqueenOmarKhyamiam
    IvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_murderofbananasCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just noticed my desk calendar ends on December 31. Here we go again.

    • 1,223
    • FAVS
    benicus_rexJay_FrickinLynn2loony1GeauxSaints79peedinyourtubMellicubedmelibuffMonicann86
    • 940
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnpeedinyourtubtequilasaltlifeGinGander1par8headryangriffithssuperdadatronmoses_mark_
    ashleycremCaptainObtuselucyworld1gigglegirlnoelCanadian_HoserMikecanrant
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 1,253
    • FAVS
    bohdisativaBandersnaaatchMyOtherGlovegurl_cheeseTeaBeaPeaIlovelamp1979heidiknitsCpt_Oblivious
    • 843
    • RETWEETS
    BandersnaaatchMyOtherGloveJDlikethedrinkbucmachineStephieG20rikpayneTopcat_007Pandurang_Mama
    seanx3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,363
    • FAVS
    killer_gazeboDanDoofusbusynessbleustreakthegayfarmerguybenicus_rexkwirkyKerrijohnnyCul
    • 661
    • RETWEETS
    haiku_b_doobiekiller_gazeboDanDoofusthegayfarmerguyjohnnyCulJay_FrickinLynnpeedinyourtubJmShuttlesworth
    DaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyZdiddy19STOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.

    • 1,478
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguybenicus_rexTiafuckinTootsJay_FrickinLynnMadame_le_SuzyKryseybGeauxSaints79peedinyourtub
    • 524
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnpeedinyourtubevecaroline2010MellicubedSweetSharon619jamb_o_maticBharatiyaMambaa_olivia4212
    kellyskellytiffinysawyersBonerfiedtwit
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
Pro

I'll be here all weak.