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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,429
    • FAVS
    wife_housydivadeb992_Mins_Hatethgrace78_gracenod4yesSureshMKothariAlongCameAnjarichdutton
    • 3,458
    • RETWEETS
    Kimberleighsuewife_housydivadeb99nod4yesSureshMKothariAlongCameAnjasteph_sikorskiJugglngRealFood
    KhrisWarholHome_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808__Thrill_TweeterNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,727
    • FAVS
    icannotdecide_BadaBingejaelco26iKidYouKnotoriginalmonkprajnabyproxyhogrider05WorkingMom86
    • 2,281
    • RETWEETS
    icannotdecide_BadaBingelilianbuzzettoiKidYouKnotangieacqueprajnabyproxyhogrider05WorkingMom86
    OberoiVarun13peeznutsjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_TweeterallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,366
    • FAVS
    smithapp429TheDrunkerUncleRamonaSawredErrikaEatsBradBroaddussuperawesomeokSilverBadgerLeavittKat
    • 1,909
    • RETWEETS
    FancyNancyAnngovtdudesmithapp429RamonaSawredwobblyassBradBroaddusSilverBadgerLeavittKat
    WonderMonkey78MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirlgerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydeliriousjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,110
    • FAVS
    GachesOdeclas_Nosajelliequentkeepitontha_d_ltherealCHASERrmn1024BadaBinge2MinutesAdded
    • 1,851
    • RETWEETS
    Odeclas_NosajtherealCHASERSuperJuandererrmn1024BadaBingedjawnnyKittyShittyyhogrider05
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,074
    • FAVS
    crazylikeanoxBadaBingeAnnaBananaaa_gretchen_masondave_el1938lantenengoJessb519hogrider05
    • 1,661
    • RETWEETS
    BadaBingelantenengoStrangersinmudhogrider05Jedi_DaddyWorkingMom86KenblazedMr_Kapowski
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantBromanConsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,916
    • FAVS
    buzcutsdave_el19382MinutesAddedoriginalmonkBeetleBaiDonnyDegeneratesapiophile_hogrider05
    • 1,765
    • RETWEETS
    buzcutsgretchen_masonhogrider05Jedi_DaddyLauschJackWorkingMom86MandaDeentimdonakowski
    michowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,417
    • FAVS
    kyran_O1093sneezy20340967SuperJuandererLionessinusPrettyGoodWifDonnyDegeneratesapiophile_VerifiedDrunk
    • 1,780
    • RETWEETS
    sneezy20340967SuperJuanderersapiophile_Conky_Shogrider05m3nth0laliencat28Jedi_Daddy
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,527
    • FAVS
    RadioNicholeiiknowbutstillchaylordhogrider05sparkyopiekath575aliencat28WorkingMom86
    • 1,420
    • RETWEETS
    Strangersinmudchaylordhogrider05sparkyopiealiencat28WorkingMom86snowbentonMr_Kapowski
    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanKendellMaddenJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,286
    • FAVS
    ErrenMichaelsSuperJuandererboneworthsapiophile_Strangersinmudhogrider05campHiMialiencat28
    • 1,413
    • RETWEETS
    SuperJuandererhogrider05aliencat28WorkingMom86Mr_KapowskiMyPornKhanOutOnTheMoors1truejonze
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,086
    • FAVS
    ju_lesMudpitBrookekolluru_cNitinMdsusayit5timesfastBrightblueNinsunGBrassChihuahua
    • 1,496
    • RETWEETS
    schlafhamsterkolluru_cTheGregMurrayNitinMdsuonemoregirl19BrightblueBrassChihuahua50shadesofkb
    DumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeSeanX3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,020
    • FAVS
    jaimpeltzSkwerlbaitWhatWeDoMattersAMBEJ0cdevaneycarlaerosekatharinepriheykarlin
    • 1,359
    • RETWEETS
    7th_DevinMoxiePiespencedbyusElizabethLWillhogrider05WorkingMom86MandaDeentimdonakowski
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,040
    • FAVS
    elliequentcandidartichokeUncleBob56old_n_highProfLadyBbagelqurljeffswarensspbuck61
    • 1,290
    • RETWEETS
    LewkMcKinneySuperJuanderercandidartichokeariznavsold_n_highSlowLoris3SusanDadamojeffswarens
    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,239
    • FAVS
    elliequentFollowSherrie2MinutesAddedBradthemailmanpauldfrazier53hogrider05WorkingMom86yogaplants
    • 1,017
    • RETWEETS
    bee_lakew00f_w00fSuperJuandererlarivergirlCougarjohn81hogrider05WorkingMom86yogaplants
    Thrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,974
    • FAVS
    SuperJuandereriKidYouKnotSirrruhBradthemailmanMindless4MilesCalebBallin34hogrider05CrystalMe523
    • 1,232
    • RETWEETS
    bee_lakeSuperJuandererMindless4Mileshogrider05ParallellParkerdiyer4life32pol_e_wogLADaddy
    abrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,079
    • FAVS
    MandaLynn314hogrider05Mr_KapowskiLADaddyMotherGenieIrishDonkeydoodllepadUncleDuke1969
    • 684
    • RETWEETS
    hogrider05LADaddyMotherGenieIrishDonkeymissb62MamaFloressdebastiangaston_marian
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,711
    • FAVS
    KenHuxley1_runfatgirlrunBasketcase2000RebeccaEarptazBN311FancyNancyAnnIzianikapanijane_snowbal
    • 886
    • RETWEETS
    KenHuxley1_runfatgirlrunBasketcase2000dee_ene_geetazBN311FancyNancyAnnchal9Izianikapani
    GeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,510
    • FAVS
    jane_yancyAaronCandidoajiwarGeorgeScumbagWacey_FosterSushiDulcesRecordingLightBlairStreeter
    • 1,055
    • RETWEETS
    ServeTheTruthemybudAaronCandidorockywasmydadismanhsFknVancouverArtIsMyPornSuperJuanderer
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,609
    • FAVS
    rumandrockskgirl683_BOOTS_ELECTRICmisterbrymojasonlight73Monicann86MrWilson1884GeauxSaints79
    • 920
    • RETWEETS
    rumandrocksdsbrohanmisterbrymoGeauxSaints79ShaunfacedTroublesince72AAnsalanilRimastone
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______JJLUCE3DosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,782
    • FAVS
    SeaGlass4Nicolehogrider05mbichaelasadsince1964sni_kwahMr_KapowskiMandaDeenLADaddy
    • 696
    • RETWEETS
    diyer4life32hogrider05TronglerActionJacksonHDMr_KapowskiMandaDeentimdonakowskiLADaddy
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,630
    • FAVS
    MeanGene420KennyDeaversSmuttWhispererhogrider05filigreegooseJediMasterJamsboileau123rmecheeya
    • 810
    • RETWEETS
    MeanGene420Mindless4MilesSmuttWhispererhogrider05JediMasterJamsrmecheeyaRinglingMotherMr_Kapowski
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
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I'll be here all weak.

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