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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,445
    • FAVS
    LittleJennnyJ_stephuny_JDLewisNZhannah_c_ChronoslingerLouby_Blueyouwishmusiccoffeenchoco
    • 3,468
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixclementinabayotMadameAmbassKcoffeenchocoliscott_oneil94starseed11235LifeAsJodi
    KhrisWarholHome_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808__Thrill_TweeterNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,749
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123Dustinlemire4ScoreN20Bowls_Knothead_WalkingCivilWarTilt_A_SquirrelPieLadyChicagothornrushes
    • 2,294
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixmintyfreshbooksDustinlemire4ScoreN20Bowls_Knothead_burminator74LouriddimFeedTheWhales01
    OberoiVarun13peeznutsjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_TweeterallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,399
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123_M1N1DC27787201Tilt_A_SquirrelrealchickenbobitslouisshkeeberJulius__Pringle
    • 1,930
    • RETWEETS
    realchickenbobkamontgomeryDC27787201itslouisCapp_West1975blogMyFairCharityjcstarzyk
    WonderMonkey78MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirlgerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydeliriousjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,114
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123MyFairCharityKidBeatnixbezmynigGachesOdeclas_Nosajelliequentkeepitontha_d_l
    • 1,852
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixOdeclas_NosajtherealCHASERSuperJuandererrmn1024BadaBingedjawnnyKittyShittyy
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,089
    • FAVS
    WillHinsawandapsychssmashyexplodeylovestained555Slave_4_UCailiChastainRobWeb79camhaws14
    • 1,670
    • RETWEETS
    wordsfoodmusiclovestained555Slave_4_UbrittneymaebRobWeb79ChickenParmPeteLoganVanWinkleLifeAsJodi
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantBromanConsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,919
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelMyFairCharitybuzcutsdave_el19382MinutesAddedoriginalmonkBeetleBai
    • 1,766
    • RETWEETS
    Tilt_A_SquirrelEdgOfARvolutionbuzcutsgretchen_masonhogrider05Jedi_DaddyLauschJackWorkingMom86
    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManikAmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,418
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123kyran_O1093sneezy20340967SuperJuandererLionessinusPrettyGoodWifDonnyDegeneratesapiophile_
    • 1,780
    • RETWEETS
    sneezy20340967SuperJuanderersapiophile_Conky_Shogrider05m3nth0laliencat28Jedi_Daddy
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,530
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelKidBeatnixRadioNicholeiiknowbutstillchaylordhogrider05sparkyopie
    • 1,421
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixStrangersinmudchaylordhogrider05sparkyopiealiencat28WorkingMom86snowbenton
    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanKendellMaddenJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,180
    • FAVS
    Cyndi_R82AReachChrissywordsfoodmusiclovestained555Slave_4_Uchrismisfitjane_botJDLewisNZ
    • 1,549
    • RETWEETS
    AReachChrissylovestained555Slave_4_UJDLewisNZceejaycee7RobWeb79mattgallo123kmaristo
    KidBeatnixDumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeSeanX3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,288
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123KidBeatnixErrenMichaelsSuperJuandererboneworthsapiophile_Strangersinmudhogrider05
    • 1,414
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixSuperJuandererhogrider05aliencat28WorkingMom86Mr_KapowskiMyPornKhanOutOnTheMoors
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,032
    • FAVS
    wordsfoodmusicwandapsychssJimmyDaMicSlave_4_UJDLewisNZElSunBunnyRobWeb79mattgallo123
    • 1,364
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixThisIsUECSlave_4_Uqjmacmattgallo1237th_DevinMoxiePiespencedbyus
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,052
    • FAVS
    JasonLastnamemattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelMyFairCharityKidBeatnixParentNormalLeliafrznotman88
    • 1,298
    • RETWEETS
    KidBeatnixLeliafrzblueyedchick77SkeeTONYou584shessocuntyiGreenMonkClayCobbleViolent2Dope304
    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,265
    • FAVS
    maelorinschumyxxxKidBeatnixJohn26649305Innocent_Pricknikkiloweryressijicksemma_tinney
    • 1,037
    • RETWEETS
    MelanieShebelKidBeatnixInnocent_PrickStrooplioncourtneyross92alliezensistakistamashyexplodey
    KidBeatnixThrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,980
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelMyFairCharityShingapoopKidBeatnixParentNormalSuperJuandererPipeFellow
    • 1,232
    • RETWEETS
    bee_lakeSuperJuandererMindless4Mileshogrider05ParallellParkerdiyer4life32pol_e_wogLADaddy
    abrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,084
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    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelMyFairCharityKidBeatnixParentNormalMandaLynn314hogrider05Mr_Kapowski
    • 684
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    hogrider05LADaddyMotherGenieIrishDonkeymissb62MamaFloressdebastiangaston_marian
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,770
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    haymaker72the_whole_halfemberlynovaLexilooGJoeHieronymusMauMaukitaK_WhiskeyPantsmehmoh1366
    • 929
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    haymaker72electrickechoemberlynovaLexilooGK_WhiskeyPantsKabesteStDaksurrcraigclaytonsea
    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,559
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    CalmReasonTheWhirlaermahmertlifeisanactraquelpanzaTilt_A_SquirrelDGrimesComedymadoweiland
    • 1,091
    • RETWEETS
    DGrimesComedyNolaChef504JennFetchdianamail17StickBobblecartdeeniedreamMajorCraigAsingwithTaffy
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,612
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    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelParentNormalrumandrockskgirl683_BOOTS_ELECTRICmisterbrymojasonlight73
    • 922
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    Anil_DikshitTilt_A_SquirrelrumandrocksdsbrohanmisterbrymoGeauxSaints79ShaunfacedTroublesince72
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______JJLUCE3DosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,787
    • FAVS
    Slave_4_UCailiChastainmattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelParentNormalSeaGlass4Nicolehogrider05mbichaela
    • 698
    • RETWEETS
    Slave_4_Umattgallo123diyer4life32hogrider05TronglerActionJacksonHDMr_KapowskiMandaDeen
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,636
    • FAVS
    Tilt_A_SquirrelhighxxxyieldAshleyCraibSteveDutzyKidBeatnixParentNormalMeanGene420KennyDeavers
    • 815
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    tsst1084SRhodes85TomParis_2346SteveDutzyKidBeatnixMeanGene420Mindless4MilesSmuttWhisperer
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
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