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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Gift @WilliamAder Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 4,524
    • FAVS
    facciabellaSkepticalWendye21_2007dhumannkr_rommEugeneMasonABQdew_luluBellevivant66
    • 3,520
    • RETWEETS
    dhumannAnon_o_MomHuajatollaChicdew_lulusugar_lips30nowarrantyfishy_smellskitty4hawks
    KLIM0VSKIHome_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808__Thrill_TweeterNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010badplansticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,769
    • FAVS
    sgtblueeyesMrMooGertAnon_o_MomKanazBadazzVelvetNightSkyktcp09BurbidgeJamesi_wasnt_looking
    • 2,308
    • RETWEETS
    MrMooGertlushrabbiwickedphoenix78ChrisfromHBSAmdpakrattDrtyHippiImJoviJov__Niall_Gaff
    lloydrangOberoiVarun13peeznutsjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_TweeterallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,449
    • FAVS
    ImajicAnnenauticaxoJoeMChattDidion65Sec314TomSSnattersamfloriecandidartichoke
    • 1,961
    • RETWEETS
    mharvey816SSnatterhutch1717candidartichokeHanmaboogieYogicRunnerkerin34IgotHeart
    KerfuckusWonderMonkey78MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirlgerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydelirious__jimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,131
    • FAVS
    dhumannThrill_Tweeterlillyflower44__NeonKrisaea1731smokeymccheefoBoozieMcFloozysavage_wiener
    • 1,864
    • RETWEETS
    dhumannea1731gi_problemchildBoozieMcFloozysavage_wienerusedtobgopHuajatollaChicscott_atlanta
    alizmaybromanconsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,170
    • FAVS
    CaCarriec1976mlaf6942AdnanRashidweconstableCarrawayswayKevinSussmanRonNocekcocakoehler
    • 1,721
    • RETWEETS
    mlaf6942weconstableCarrawayswayPAJAMALAWElKnuckelhombredhumannMrMooGertlovemydogduck
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantbromanconsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,974
    • FAVS
    jComicReliefMoodyIsAStatusipalatskyFunnyTunessarah1mcardhi_alii_cinephileveehattingh
    • 1,774
    • RETWEETS
    jComicRelieftwitchyyyyyyyyerickson_staceyi_cinephileFarraAarongerryhatrics34n77Night_Bird31
    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,425
    • FAVS
    iischameleonHanmaboogielillyflower44__gi_problemchildsavage_wienerlloydrangfishy_smellsmattgallo123
    • 1,783
    • RETWEETS
    savage_wienerHuajatollaChicfishy_smellssneezy20340967SuperJuanderersapiophile_Conky_S__hogrider05
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,536
    • FAVS
    MentalMisterTruculent67iinkedZombieHanmaboogiemavisritafarrowbreakthesystemmattgallo123Tilt_A_Squirrel
    • 1,423
    • RETWEETS
    MentalMisterHanmaboogieKidBeatnixlillymorronechaylordhogrider05sparkyopiealiencat28
    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanKendellMaddenJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,194
    • FAVS
    incorrigibleassdennis_peter_58jbbraziersavage_wienersir_isaac_lime__Gazlaaar2011summermainstmurbefff
    • 1,551
    • RETWEETS
    SaraMalik89_ONSEMBE_savage_wienerHuajatollaChicgwillakersjuenbugCF_Official_NYClovestained555
    KidBeatnixDumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeseanscrapsRunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddyWithHeelsshewearschucksDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,290
    • FAVS
    MentalMisterHanmaboogiemattgallo123KidBeatnixErrenMichaelsSuperJuandererboneworthsapiophile_
    • 1,416
    • RETWEETS
    MentalMisterHanmaboogieKidBeatnixSuperJuandererhogrider05aliencat28WorkingMom86Mr_Kapowski
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,192
    • FAVS
    dontshoothoopstitusbbgrantgriesel666apostrophebeatsFunnyFrecklesMeAlizaBlueberryIwearplaidShellabbazia_liza
    • 1,472
    • RETWEETS
    dontshoothoopsfavstar_historygrantgriesel666FunnyFrecklesMeManicRtReillyBarbgarthworldIwearplaidShell
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,061
    • FAVS
    lillyflower44__CareEg33lamapaulroger49801Jeniroo11bobw1oJGeilsLandlloydrang
    • 1,301
    • RETWEETS
    CareEg33lloydrangfishy_smellsKidBeatnixLeliafrzblueyedchick77SkeeTONYou584shessocuhrazy
    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,272
    • FAVS
    dhumannlillyflower44__fishy_smellsAvModirtysdocscott_towelGenevieve0404maelorin
    • 1,043
    • RETWEETS
    dhumannHuajatollaChic_sailorturtlefishy_smellsbaldiniJhGenevieve0404MelanieShebelKidBeatnix
    KidBeatnixThrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69__ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 2,098
    • FAVS
    kira_nanceOlofsonArcade_notyourmom_OrigamiUndieszolofighterN0tSebastianHockeyGoddess24Just4funsa
    • 1,142
    • RETWEETS
    mjmaciejewski_notyourmom_OrigamiUndiesHanumohdzzolofighterconcretesledge_aiyanaferraroMmmmMinny
    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,980
    • FAVS
    mattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelMyFairCharityShingapoopKidBeatnixParentNormalSuperJuandererPipeFellow__
    • 1,232
    • RETWEETS
    bee_lakeSuperJuandererMindless4Mileshogrider05ParallellParkerdiyer4life32pol_e_wogLADaddy
    abrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,107
    • FAVS
    StacieTyreemisincarnatedMelittaLopezbluemeeniequeeenvkshake24x7BigBang6000KirstensDesk
    • 698
    • RETWEETS
    sayl73robdaveKERTRajaaBuh_BitchesdondraperrocksangieissocandidartichokeHuwLayton
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,583
    • FAVS
    Thrill_Tweeterrichardhlawsonnotthat_1FrozenSighsMetalligretchventureartifactRebeccaARinconrmayemsinger
    • 1,111
    • RETWEETS
    notthat_1ventureartifactumm_ooooopsthe_unitronrmayemsingerNontariobushguyMrMooGertKatePhillips22
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,615
    • FAVS
    SharOz8qqnquiMrMooGertmattgallo123Tilt_A_SquirrelParentNormalrumandrockskgirl683
    • 924
    • RETWEETS
    MrMooGertHuajatollaChicAnil_DikshitTilt_A_SquirrelrumandrocksdsbrohanmisterbrymoGeauxSaints79
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______JJLUCE3DosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,793
    • FAVS
    sgtblueeyesKenPowell252StinkyGr33nshade_teasumthinkAdrielVazquez10Slave_4_UCailiChastain
    • 703
    • RETWEETS
    KenPowell252SeaGlass4NicoleStinkyGr33nshade_teaHuajatollaChicSlave_4_Umattgallo123diyer4life32
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,637
    • FAVS
    streetscoopTilt_A_SquirrelhighxxxyieldAshleyCraibSteveDutzyKidBeatnixParentNormalMeanGene420
    • 816
    • RETWEETS
    HuajatollaChictsst1084SRhodes85TomParis_2346SteveDutzyKidBeatnixMeanGene420Mindless4Miles
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder

I'll be here all weak.

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