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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,616
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    HannahGowlerdrea4realzEYRheadtammydhLuLa7975kingofcanoeEggy_fegartsthulnicolle
    • 3,650
    • RETWEETS
    LuLa7975BlancaberryDuke_Of_JoethulnicollexosmDiamondLou69Wine_Charmerpostmodernthot
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,872
    • LIKES
    SDPlissken1MunkManiaJanet_Leigh78GinjaBunaidhStephMonroe220lipopsbostongal12JeannieG40
    • 2,372
    • RETWEETS
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    SharpeBytescurlymalloylloydrangOberoiVarun13peeznuts__juneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_Tweeterallisulli__GrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,519
    • LIKES
    TrueTorontoGirlWine_CharmerFarmBoySDTvanBlaricomexzeegeeSteveKoehler22SybtDelore__krisnair_
    • 2,022
    • RETWEETS
    TrueTorontoGirlWine_CharmerInPaceRequiesMartaEffingSteveKoehler22Blonde_Moment77StickyHoney_BeeVice_Queen
    KerfuckusWonderMonkey78MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirl__gerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydelirious__jimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,157
    • LIKES
    Wine_CharmerFarmBoySDputyoursisterd1nannanobbyTheBossyBlondeexzeegeeVanilla_Sky_4USteveKoehler22
    • 1,880
    • RETWEETS
    Wine_Charmerputyoursisterd1heaavenrosesTheBossyBlondeMartaEffingexzeegeeSteveKoehler22notTHATmattfox
    alizmaybromanconsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,229
    • LIKES
    OohSnapItsChrisanglesnachezStephen_OfficerGTO_TheJudgeursalunaWhoBrannigansophia_long71reneejulene
    • 1,774
    • RETWEETS
    anglesnachezStephen_OfficerSam_stone31UndeadZarocInPaceRequiesMartaEffingNewagewizardJaeMar68
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantbromanconsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornaps__carlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 3,006
    • LIKES
    WhatsHerFace33Wine_CharmerThatAriesGaliamporgyheaavenrosesDr_powpowCatGrayexzeegee
    • 1,784
    • RETWEETS
    dnyanesh115Wine_CharmeriamporgyDr_powpowMartaEffingstyakovaleva669exzeegeeSteveKoehler22
    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,461
    • LIKES
    ReginaFalaaangePetrickSarabsonderKMagiltonMilyMcSheppyCharmmCasterheatherhaskidsRdrJay47
    • 1,812
    • RETWEETS
    MilyMcSheppybidu676CharmmCasterheatherhaskidsRdrJay47gildermikeRobertr369BuffyMaddingly
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,519
    • LIKES
    Walkmehome_alphabellatrixPrincessEnarrycarpy125mand1960DeepDarkFearJJohnson7186meglinh
    • 1,708
    • RETWEETS
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    AimeeHelene1KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,580
    • LIKES
    Wine_Charmerputyoursisterd1danielcaputikatrablTwisted_MettleSteveKoehler22LMFOFLpaperphotoyo
    • 1,453
    • RETWEETS
    Wine_CharmerWutangDinoMartaEffingJimMarshall007Twisted_MettleSteveKoehler22jus_forthewinLMFOFL
    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanKendellMaddenJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC___see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,289
    • LIKES
    HansmoothVPrimroseCarrModoverumpantoboyStephenBowles1MrStaggerLeeBrynPierceRachelTFD
    • 1,576
    • RETWEETS
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    KidBeatnixDumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeCleverDudRunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkensecondsetcoach__bestlizardSheWearsChucksDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,379
    • LIKES
    Wine_Charmertrashtasticaheyben23mimsyyykasapuzumlerinitagaleRdrJay47moodtooth
    • 1,465
    • RETWEETS
    Wine_CharmerMartaEffingRdrJay47LorieGZBuffyMaddinglycurlymalloyrunawaycupcakeMoronyc
    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__iraihcrec
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,301
    • LIKES
    Wine_CharmerJablesBeeBipolarLife21Lord_6ingerFarmBoySDthe_noceurstoney_beautyJust_Cooks
    • 1,426
    • RETWEETS
    Wine_CharmerBipolarLife21Lord_6ingerbrycenk99_the_noceurstoney_beautyJust_CooksMartaEffing
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 2,257
    • LIKES
    akaCorbinDallasWine_CharmeramandajpandaFarmBoySDyoulooklikeamomRRNvoetbalScottzilla667ohheyitszara
    • 1,371
    • RETWEETS
    akaCorbinDallasWine_CharmeryoulooklikeamomMartaEffingScottzilla667Ms_Glamour_Pusschimneyspotteryonewt
    heatherjsabrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 2,205
    • LIKES
    Wine_CharmerFarmBoySDRRNvoetbalJust_CooksTheBossyBlondecaseytduncanMaui_SpeaksFKACornshucks
    • 1,215
    • RETWEETS
    Wine_CharmerpeahairJust_CooksTheBossyBlondeMartaEffingcaseytduncanlisaxy424Nikkeya08
    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,285
    • LIKES
    YetiElizabettyWine_CharmerwiggablockedmeRRNvoetbalshopkins776TheBossyBlondeDontTouchMyWinechrismoid
    • 1,050
    • RETWEETS
    Wine_CharmerWutangDinoshopkins776TheBossyBlondeMartaEffingDontTouchMyWineAbdalrahman_A_Adhumann
    KidBeatnixThrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69__ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedShcmoodles__FU_Scopelychopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,122
    • LIKES
    wranglerofspaceWine_CharmerWorldofWidRhiannonHall47AskedToLeaveamandajpandaJust_Cookslopewski
    • 706
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    wranglerofspaceWine_CharmerWorldofWidamandajpandaJust_CookslopewskiMartaEffingToxicWorrier
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,706
    • LIKES
    Wine_Charmertrashtasticaferzon_embolicatlopewskiMrBob_52MartialArtsZen1lyledal
    • 1,003
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    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______luuuuceDosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,591
    • LIKES
    lopewskimarvelzombiekMeanGeinOddest_GoddessTinaReg1999captaindheadmixedNUTgalleryiamjservin
    • 1,116
    • RETWEETS
    peahairAsha_Suzanneputyoursisterd1lopewskiMartaEffingShaneSupreemeMeanGeinOddest_Goddess
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,851
    • LIKES
    JTQuestforallthewinebornalmostsilvertongue37PrincessEnarrysomasyntaxpeterjames48ngaio420
    • 730
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    Daily_VellibornalmostellegranierstaticacumenKyleTurnerLewissilvertongue37Strggl_immortalusermcuserface
    EFComicPORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,652
    • LIKES
    tangledteatimetrashtasticaamandajpandaItsMePonyBoymisskalaazenodite9AJslackie__BethR_27516
    • 819
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    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

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