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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,635
    • LIKES
    NiteniteMelissaDorH84607784HorseShortJlofarsaysTam9182HeyTrudiin_the_ruinskwkorpi
    • 3,661
    • RETWEETS
    NiteniteMelissaHorseShortJlofarsaysHeyTrudir3dcray0nkwkorpiCaptstabbyfaceIzFgt
    MidgetsparSharpeBytesKLIM0VSKIHome_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsCulturedRuffianhaolegurl808__Thrill_TweeterNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymoelroyejenkinsjoedan2010badplansticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mMatadorMadiPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,874
    • LIKES
    kimlockhartgakwkorpiSDPlissken1MunkManiaJanet_Leigh78GinjaBunaidhStephMonroe220lipops
    • 2,373
    • RETWEETS
    Was_I_invertedGinjaBunaidh0lipopsbostongal12LavishAvishcalibeardjames1MartaEffingSteveKoehler22
    SharpeBytescurlymalloylloydrangOberoiVarun13peeznuts__juneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_Tweeterallisulli__GrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,523
    • LIKES
    That_kids_dadmelissa_dondaleTwoSapphiresBluTrainerGonzoTrueTorontoGirlWine_CharmerFarmBoySDTvanBlaricom
    • 2,025
    • RETWEETS
    That_kids_dadTwoSapphiresBluRaisinaHillTrueTorontoGirlWine_CharmerInPaceRequiesMartaEffingSteveKoehler22
    KerfuckusWonderMonkey78MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirl__gerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydelirious__jimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,158
    • LIKES
    LehhoRebassooWine_CharmerFarmBoySDputyoursisterd1nannanobbyTheBossyBlondeexzeegeeVanilla_Sky_4U
    • 1,882
    • RETWEETS
    GideonJaggedWas_I_invertedWine_Charmerputyoursisterd1heaavenrosesTheBossyBlondeMartaEffingexzeegee
    alizmaybromanconsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,230
    • LIKES
    austen_420OohSnapItsChrisanglesnachezOfficerStevoGTO_TheJudgeursalunaWhoBrannigansophia_long71
    • 1,775
    • RETWEETS
    austen_420anglesnachezOfficerStevoSam_stone31UndeadZarocInPaceRequiesMartaEffingNewagewizard
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantbromanconsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornaps__carlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 3,023
    • LIKES
    MrsMikePattonUHoneyeyeWhhat12ShyHoodieGirlclaudilagannnTheChigirl52ppgottahavheartThaReaLDoN_P
    • 1,795
    • RETWEETS
    ShyHoodieGirllizs_heartThaReaLDoN_PDFacobbreStarchily90therice777dannyreallifeRadedzNoob
    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,585
    • LIKES
    veronicaj119cynicanoldicusrayyyychnameonmybumcatmac1VaguelyFunnyDanLouisGorenfeldOlofsonArcade
    • 1,751
    • RETWEETS
    ReslesLeggsAybaggiokayzamaniteebayzOlofsonArcade_MrsBlueBird_Habbibtidikky_t
    AimeeHelene1KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,463
    • LIKES
    TSaleemchaudhrySteveKoehler22ReginaFalaaangePetrickSarabsonderKMagiltonMilyMcSheppyCharmmCaster
    • 1,815
    • RETWEETS
    IamEveryDayPplCarolinaApplingSteveKoehler22MilyMcSheppybidu676CharmmCasterheatherhaskidsRdrJay47
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,580
    • LIKES
    Wine_Charmerputyoursisterd1danielcaputikatrablTwisted_MettleSteveKoehler22LMFOFLpaperphotoyo
    • 1,453
    • RETWEETS
    Wine_CharmerWutangDinoMartaEffingJimMarshall007Twisted_MettleSteveKoehler22jus_forthewinLMFOFL
    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanKendellMaddenJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC___see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,299
    • LIKES
    jasonbrady88S4NadimintiPhoenix527jjllljm9That_kids_dadKimberBlodgett1dramafreemamaGrundoon67
    • 1,580
    • RETWEETS
    That_kids_dad4bodingmoiragallagaWas_I_invertedpatkeenorcrbedfordsomerandomdudeoMrStaggerLee
    KidBeatnixDumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeCleverDudRunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkensecondsetcoach__bestlizardSheWearsChucksDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,381
    • LIKES
    kegumingfeiSteveKoehler22Wine_Charmertrashtasticaheyben23mimsyyykasapuzumlerinitagale
    • 1,467
    • RETWEETS
    Was_I_invertedSteveKoehler22Wine_CharmerMartaEffingRdrJay47LorieGZBuffyMaddinglycurlymalloy
    Mr_Kapowskilakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__iraihcrec
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,302
    • LIKES
    SteveKoehler22Wine_CharmerJablesBeeBipolarLife21Lord_6ingerFarmBoySDthe_noceurstoney_beauty
    • 1,427
    • RETWEETS
    SteveKoehler22Wine_CharmerBipolarLife21Lord_6ingerbrycenk99_the_noceurstoney_beautyJust_Cooks
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 2,264
    • LIKES
    silvertongue37Stormchaser80deb4adaymclemcrew2_0realKippDonna_McCoySteveKoehler22akaCorbinDallas
    • 1,377
    • RETWEETS
    silvertongue37deb4adayKittenWrittensacameronDonna_McCoySteveKoehler22akaCorbinDallasWine_Charmer
    heatherjsabrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 2,207
    • LIKES
    RejectedRedheadSteveKoehler22Wine_CharmerFarmBoySDRRNvoetbalJust_CooksTheBossyBlondecaseytduncan
    • 1,217
    • RETWEETS
    RejectedRedheadSteveKoehler22Wine_CharmerpeahairJust_CooksTheBossyBlondeMartaEffingcaseytduncan
    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,297
    • LIKES
    jarntangEvelynSha1986HeSlimedMeRayJasonLastnameTups13SuperRandomishGrillCheezKillaWittySassBasket
    • 1,057
    • RETWEETS
    zami_singsonTups13WittySassBasketfuzzlimeAzzy_1982SteveKoehler22RaisinaHillWine_Charmer
    KidBeatnixThrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69__ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedShcmoodles__FU_Scopelychopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,124
    • LIKES
    deviledlegsSteveKoehler22wranglerofspaceWine_CharmerWorldofWid__RhiannonHall47AskedToLeaveamandajpanda
    • 708
    • RETWEETS
    4bodingSteveKoehler22wranglerofspaceWine_CharmerWorldofWid__amandajpandaJust_Cookslopewski
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,710
    • LIKES
    That_kids_dadPeterda6657452021cchristianwSteveKoehler22Wine_Charmertrashtasticaferzon_embolicat
    • 1,009
    • RETWEETS
    That_kids_dadPeterda66574520cpiazziWas_I_invertedSteveKoehler22RaisinaHillWine_Charmerbarrerix
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______luuuuceDosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,593
    • LIKES
    IamEveryDayPplSteveKoehler22lopewskimarvelzombiekMeanGeinOddest_GoddessTinaReg1999captaindhead
    • 1,118
    • RETWEETS
    IamEveryDayPplAzzy_1982SteveKoehler22peahairAsha_Suzanneputyoursisterd1lopewskiMartaEffing
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,864
    • LIKES
    CaptstabbyfaceGatologicThis_isnt_meAverageCornerskamtweetingxtrodinarylifeStr8GuyGayQuoteNotoliviasteel
    • 735
    • RETWEETS
    CaptstabbyfaceThis_isnt_meAverageCornersRdrJay47SteveKoehler22Daily_Vellibornalmostfairylights23
    EFComicPORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,659
    • LIKES
    KMagiltonNotoliviasteelheatherhaskidsOGcinnacumbunTheHyyyypeRdrJay47SteveKoehler22tangledteatime
    • 822
    • RETWEETS
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    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

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