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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Gift @WilliamAder Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 4,536
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    IDeutshTinDizzythefosterer1CleverGirl1bokneeyaTonytvitfuckingcuntfuckfuzzlime
    • 3,533
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,799
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    TinDizzyJohnKlimasPutney_S1CleverGirl1bokneeyafuckingcuntfuckThreeCatNightsAlwaysArianna
    • 2,330
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,499
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    cathryn_wardTroubled_GirlzJdddurantmasonmolly16ringlingmotherlorna_mionascaleof1210Boo709
    • 2,006
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,143
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    fuckingcuntfuckMardigroansucre_nipsAbdalrahman_A_Aksfellakateb861EthanRKasselMichelleyM
    • 1,870
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,179
    • LIKES
    DollyejhSVRideScorpio1080fuckingcuntfuckdaniellembelleAbdalrahman_A_AMardigroandangerousd111
    • 1,730
    • RETWEETS
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    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantbromanconsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,982
    • LIKES
    bryanjohnson179CannotBreakMedanger_spouseMardigroanAbdalrahman_A_Adangerousd111nthonyswanColorBlindTest
    • 1,776
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    ParentNormalmichowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,447
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    sucre_nipsAskBellaWagnerBondageLandAmiigatMaryUnderwood9_52263819__sunny85139bronxfanatic
    • 1,800
    • RETWEETS
    Abdalrahman_A_AAmiigat_52263819__sunny85139bronxfanaticbajajadymannequin_talksEddyFlyAfrican
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,560
    • LIKES
    th3rapyysarahmishomikkelhendisoncnako_HelloJessicaFoxBeccalo1991_mindflakesAronMorris
    • 1,433
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,370
    • LIKES
    MoronycIsThisIt67_csavvMrgnCsslsCurleySueViewyokaiulaniirisheyes4lyfevirgogoddess1
    • 1,458
    • RETWEETS
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,248
    • LIKES
    chrismoidBCariddTakeItCheezySkeeTONYou584el_mo25StillJessLSOneOver0__heatherjs
    • 1,553
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,258
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    chrismoidAbdalrahman_A_Asunny85139dezo471el_mo25BoxJanesIwishuwouldntiGreenMonk
    • 1,518
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,293
    • LIKES
    mbruin95HeSlimedMeRayToxicWorrierMentalMisterHanmaboogiemattgallo123KidBeatnixErrenMichaels
    • 1,417
    • RETWEETS
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    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpe__BambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 2,243
    • LIKES
    RJlovestoreadscottkpetersenN0tSebastiankayleighpugethuey_eSeaGlass4Nicolefuzzlimedougomiller
    • 1,362
    • RETWEETS
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    heatherjsabrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 2,176
    • LIKES
    danilemauraVermilliongreyThe1WhosCrazycaribelliryan_rachryan80emilyfalarzmarxwasfeministheymaryx
    • 1,192
    • RETWEETS
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    LuvPugGeauxSaints79theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,278
    • LIKES
    chrismoidAbdalrahman_A_Aheatherjsmbruin95brennadinedangerousd111dhumannlillyflower44__
    • 1,044
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    Abdalrahman_A_AdhumannHuajatollaChic_sailorturtle__fishy_smellsbaldiniJhGenevieve0404MelanieShebel
    KidBeatnixThrill_Tweeter__a_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69__ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackCapriciousScott__kampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedShcmoodles__IntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,114
    • LIKES
    sucre_nipsAbdalrahman_A_AluvmyADHDheatherjsToxicWorrieraka_fatmanvergiejjd12StacieTyree
    • 699
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    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,586
    • LIKES
    T4FBGloGurLluvmyADHDDonaldwhitenackJordyPants_SinfulShellyheatherjsFlavoryLlama
    • 1,112
    • RETWEETS
    DonaldwhitenackSinfulShellyheatherjsnotthat_1ventureartifactumm_ooooopsthe_unitronrmayemsinger
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,698
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    HariMircheinmcibtytweetcomedianmontanamissoularickpricB1gBrainsMcGeeCecyZehtarlbludworth
    • 997
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    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______luuuuceDosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,830
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    MkSpeaksHisMindkclinejessokfineTheGladStorkJayyymo22Odi1978FPumpkinbabypieakaCorbinDallas
    • 718
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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,642
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    chrismoidJordyPants_1kick1hat1snareheatherjsdangerousd111streetscoopTilt_A_Squirrelhighxxxyield
    • 817
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@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder

I'll be here all weak.

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