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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,389
    • FAVS
    coalslagKundashLiquid_MethaneOneTinyTweetHearyehearyeeHeikeschmidtblumenpups_trolololama
    • 3,422
    • RETWEETS
    coalslagKundashicannotdecide_Liquid_MethaneAkolBenjaminblumenpups_trolololamaXOSchitzo
    KhrisWarholHome_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808__Thrill_TweeterNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,716
    • FAVS
    CtrlAltCFCLoneStar_YankeeGRCIIIwilschro33Pervertida04libber_tarianjillhejllilec_g
    • 2,272
    • RETWEETS
    CtrlAltCFCcameronhunoldmegangravileleanorauthorButterflyLife68LoveFlowsThinbillyluciousadamjeff5
    OberoiVarun13peeznutsjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenThrill_TweeterallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 3,331
    • FAVS
    MindBytesradicaljocyclownpuncher6ErrenMichaelscoalslagSohnsTedKC_Dickcrowguye
    • 1,886
    • RETWEETS
    coalslagmohamudmohamudArtIsMyPornBurnam1OutOnTheMoorsSehablaboogrigsby_larryEatPraySweat
    WonderMonkey78MollySneediwearaonesiemomupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirlgerryhatricIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydeliriousjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4LifevelvettuskAmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 3,096
    • FAVS
    SWBpodedyjfalconMsEffieLoujNAVYmchrisjfarahWyowanderer777swornxinxPhyScott
    • 1,840
    • RETWEETS
    edyjfalconjNAVYmWyowanderer777GanderGintheknitfairybecabirdRiseUpandGlowBurnam1
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 3,062
    • FAVS
    scotthellrisingCtchandler247SnotgunxoCecilyyIrishDonkeygufawwStephTigerlillyCowleyRae
    • 1,653
    • RETWEETS
    CaTiCiTaCtchandler247SnotgunndiquoteStephTigerlillyJjkinky49JeffDBMaxPgretchanderson1
    CelebrityChezLurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantBromanConsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,905
    • FAVS
    WWilson67Liannakanzackijesseleighdrewsaralulu62vjterryfredoderfSkyeShepard127bama
    • 1,757
    • RETWEETS
    TemporalOutcastXimEnWonderlandsaralulu62vjterrySkyeShepardNrouteHQspencedbyusBaldwin_Jim
    michowlBradBroaddusRandomManik__AmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,401
    • FAVS
    AaronBone1justblegitOutOnTheMoorsSnotgunmarrusya6sharonlyn9nicbriellecodysewell1287
    • 1,771
    • RETWEETS
    YamiNoHouEOutOnTheMoorsSnotgunndiquoteKanyembaKundainicbriellePlur_SquirrelCrystalMe523
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,514
    • FAVS
    tdmcd23_taylorLADaddySnotgungroovyspecsRhetoric_RandomCanadian_GeminiIrishDonkeyUncleDuke1969
    • 1,412
    • RETWEETS
    LADaddySnotgungroovyspecsndiquoteCanadian_GeminiIrishDonkeyjover_lointemilyannawart
    Thrill_Tweetergirl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanAHoundNamedAlbaJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,275
    • FAVS
    MyPornKhancarlosmolotovOutOnTheMoorsMagsWoodward1truejonzeSnotgunmarrusya6PaassenJN
    • 1,408
    • RETWEETS
    MyPornKhanOutOnTheMoors1truejonzeSnotgunmarrusya6DowanhillsharkjddundeeRevelsoffice
    J_IllunninatiLockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 2,027
    • FAVS
    davidwgallsminttdmcd23_taylorLADaddyMaxwellSnarkSassyChantellecoalslagOutOnTheMoors
    • 1,438
    • RETWEETS
    LADaddyfavstar_historycoalslagOutOnTheMoorsndiquotedavidwgallEllelouisegirl__ItsCherrySue
    DumbConfessionsHiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee___fuzzlimeSeanX3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 2,002
    • FAVS
    BobDonnelly6tdmcd23_taylorLADaddyMsMurfieJohnnyMalcCarmaletaGRandomchkkradical_free
    • 1,351
    • RETWEETS
    LADaddyPeachesNPorkcarmencrimsonMHirscheyRichHarris2SamsterGTichilliconnectcelestialfemme
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 2,019
    • FAVS
    SnotgunTehNemsterkeriquattlebaumyoucantbeMissTIrishDonkeyUncleDuke1969jover_lointErikShutUp
    • 1,268
    • RETWEETS
    SnotgunndiquoteyoucantbeMissTIrishDonkeydavidwgallEllelouisegirl__Fanatical27Curly_gurl135
    lakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1Karate_HorseVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,231
    • FAVS
    velvetgreen65RoxDupriSnotgunChrissy_Marie77marrusya6UncleDuke1969jover_lointErikShutUp
    • 1,008
    • RETWEETS
    RoxDupriSnotgunmarrusya6ndiquoteEllelouisegirl__ErikShutUpJ_Illunninatili4mst3w4rt
    Thrill_Tweetera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackdefnotscottkampsinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,967
    • FAVS
    CrystalMe523ErinAEdwardsShirleyEweNinjaTHaiiParallellParkerLADaddySuperNovaLRDSnotgun
    • 1,230
    • RETWEETS
    ParallellParkerdiyer4life32pol_e_wogLADaddySuperNovaLRDSnotgunndiquoteIrishDonkey
    abrosenthalhamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 2,077
    • FAVS
    LADaddyMotherGenieIrishDonkeydoodllepadUncleDuke1969Ellelouisegirl__harrislightingjover_loint
    • 683
    • RETWEETS
    LADaddyMotherGenieIrishDonkeymissb62MamaFloressdebastiangaston_marianIzianikapani
    emilylimeJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie__
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

    • 1,585
    • FAVS
    theevilwriterLoverOfComics94Genevieve0404funnybutterR_S_BoultonSonyaCraig15D_Evil_OverlordAbPrabulous
    • 908
    • RETWEETS
    funnybutterR_S_BoultonD_Evil_OverlordAbPrabulousshalpinKohinoorthinkslari_7777adamjeff5
    lawyerthoughtslucyworld1IamEveryDayPplEatingZebras______JJLUCE3DosieDoe
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    What's the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they're not going to joust?

    • 1,460
    • FAVS
    debnantzSweeetRiowifewithabsJM_Eiblk10snydercycomisfitMindless4Milestwo1ohhbabydoll
    • 1,027
    • RETWEETS
    RegimeChangeBCbrendanshields1cycomisfitMindless4Milestwo1ohhbabydollHurricane_ReDJasonBusheyT4dyce
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,639
    • FAVS
    sminttdmcd23_taylorLADaddySnotgunGryStGrl75IrishDonkeyUncleDuke1969Dompocalyptism
    • 844
    • RETWEETS
    LADaddySnotgunndiquoteIrishDonkeyEllelouisegirl__Curly_gurl135Criggerifickrishna_van
    theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,776
    • FAVS
    LADaddycoalslagLil_Misss_Lall_about_todaySnotgunIrishDonkeyUncleDuke1969Talil7
    • 689
    • RETWEETS
    LADaddycoalslagall_about_todaySnotgunndiquotekrispycremexoxoIrishDonkeyEllelouisegirl__
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,619
    • FAVS
    radicaljocycoalslagSnotgunGiverney666UncleDuke1969Ellelouisegirl__jover_lointErikShutUp
    • 802
    • RETWEETS
    radicaljocycoalslagSnotgunndiquoteMapleLubeJulieSnarkCurly_gurl135LosLos__
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
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