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  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move.

    • 4,182
    • FAVS
    HiddleDeeDeesimonchollandTREASURIZEani_archydwhite321MandoMiriFIRSTMMAGODDocsthename
    • 3,297
    • RETWEETS
    HiddleDeeDeemaybe_malloyDocsthenamecolintingsermandarlingshelly72KatieBurnettmwihakii_NgakaLS
    Home_HalfwaylawyerthoughtsWalashdsstockejockhaolegurl808astrobudsterNorthside_MikeArrowsOfTheSunMarkAFuqua_HuntBillFienbergBombaytweeting____GeauxSaints79GingerGanderSonnyPisanoSadPerunacynicuhlNolaChef504Arroiamisterbrymobrittarnettjoedan2010grimpossibleticknadaflipthistweetJosesLovesYoumrt1mb00bjizzPrettiestPickleSimplyNamedTronUpturnedBathtubloopyloup________WrigleyAwards____MutedBSartistshurtcobainjimmy_sharpepainted_eelscratchysinghAngreamariosmoussaDanteEvilCatXalqeeFredPollackmlinhartkamtweetingImaFlyontheWallThe_MartiniGirlKelleysBreakRm
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.

    • 3,472
    • FAVS
    HiddleDeeDeesimonchollandphaks_nhlumayoKatieBurnettastrobudsterpatricphdmomupsidedownDawn_M_
    • 2,128
    • RETWEETS
    HiddleDeeDeemomupsidedownPoiznSongbirdetoilelointainetheBooklover2akifahsanspiraled_awayzTequilademon
    bakedbrotatoesjuneohara65rikpayneJustTashielawyerthoughtsTim_HawkenastrobudsterallisulliGrumpyBahrWiseCrackerSoupArroiaTangoEchoAlphaP__filmbizproMidgetsparSunnyGirl1717Dana_BrunoShock_Monster__chopper4jk5haelkellyskellyUnFitzjeffporpergeniusindisgize
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I use Google Earth to see which yards have milkshakes.

    • 2,896
    • FAVS
    a_lil_asianlemon__JuicedjdarrellripleyOrignalceQueenthemuddybanksBrutusnutKaylaniJordaniheartcheese101
    • 1,730
    • RETWEETS
    lemon__Juicebaaaayleeeeyevilkitten_OrignalceQueenthemuddybankshoopahoepBabySimmerMistriLyn
    alizmayBromanConsulClancygingerfacedGingerGanderNinjaFuneral______CopulatermanSSDatedryaninco__geniusindisgizeBaddBryant________Hey_Yo_Mikey______PrincessAlexx_____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."

    • 2,908
    • FAVS
    simonchollandroczacSValmont7ThaRillDillioMelDownLowFrink_Daddybw0712moskrin
    • 1,642
    • RETWEETS
    MelDownLowamychickdesouzaKatieBurnettJustFollownRTmomupsidedownPoiznSongbird2012_BABE12carlyme23
    momupsidedownSims_was_herekcMcCowgirlRobertMorschelIGotsSmartsslyoung5SternoShotsfullydeliriousjimmy_sharpeabhorrent_wifefavoritedbyHollyMemphisHairyJew4Lifejjax44AmishPornStar1palokinMBittersweet25JaySusHChristmeaganbb1________PORNOPINIONTheWhaleChris____cixelsidgod______SirEdSur__________DilaraCasey
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Hamburger Helper is powerless if the hamburger doesn't WANT to be helped.

    • 2,898
    • FAVS
    VongoodyMsMurfierexaurus89dadamantiumscrircsimonchollandKatieBurnettCatherineinAL
    • 1,552
    • RETWEETS
    simonchollandRobbi123PoiznSongbirdemconstancekatiexwright_katelynicolekrishna_vanConFuseUs_Today
    LurkAtHomeMomPetPinkElephantBromanConsuljeannerbeanerDranoRaulfoxyboxBillArrundaleturndownfornapscarlykenAdar79AngieShock_Monster__ocourtneynoLani_Haydenimrel0adraydevitoroadkill3x_Bacon_Tits_FunnyRandomkellyskellyRideOrDiePudge
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    My car's GPS has learned to say "Your other left."

    • 2,688
    • FAVS
    charrrllaakatietokargsu9696carrietinitorieannesaltgypsylee7BrianIncognitoSeaGlass4Nicole
    • 1,650
    • RETWEETS
    BukowsKaiNuriaFelipPuigAnaelle_MDromerix46Tony1petrolheadgsu9696carrietiniCynicalDoughBoy
    RandomManikAmishPornStar1GroperClevelandOutOfLeftField_TheUnseenMe______SmooheedSternoShotsLindaInDisguiseIamEveryDayPpl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Before Twitter we used to call this "talking to yourself."

    • 2,181
    • FAVS
    KatieBurnettCatherineinALDawn_M_PoiznSongbirdcarlyme23AriminthSouthernLivNBeautyFull_Blog
    • 1,617
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdVickiVSartinon_the_edge_111sususubieAlmostSenselesssopermamaheydollkellyConFuseUs_Today
    81malcolmEarth2Eddiegaliamango
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be.

    • 2,402
    • FAVS
    VongoodyMommaUnfilteredMsMurfieMikeMcNeil_scrircsimonchollandPattylovesyou47KatieBurnett
    • 1,343
    • RETWEETS
    simonchollandPattylovesyou47JustFollownRTdanielle_0827spiraled_awayvtrapp11s0m4htoomuchaubrey
    girl_in_my_boxiamjeffsloanAHoundNamedAlbaJaySaysStuffcurlymalloyJermHimselfishshegotagronkfUCK_iSAAC_see_more13jeffporperstacetonedCleverLinguistCelebrityChezMoistPorkLipstickSpiceMike_Wrong
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm convinced that our Twitter personas are closer to who we really are than the personalities we wear in public.

    • 2,182
    • FAVS
    valzhoganrainbowcarrots9awesomesleaderTbayleafkamjoskypunmagnateim_the_st_jimmyShaunBrian_
    • 1,356
    • RETWEETS
    otakugirl01im_the_st_jimmy_xoxomacy_akosiblomeyRockinRocknRowlRising_ApeGingerGanderSpaceyMacey_
    LockherupRNjimmy_sharpeBambamVictoriaKoJo_Sunshine____cixelsidgod______PabloGSerskigaliamangomeaganbb1________crayan9lakeanagirlVodkaMaryMattBinderaimeevc1970VerifiedJayy______MelvinofYork
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

    • 2,200
    • FAVS
    kawaii_kakkoiiEkThaDodokt_sheltsfilmthugconstantlyjoshPattylovesyou47arunimajamwalphaks_nhlumayo
    • 985
    • RETWEETS
    filmthugSenaMcCarthyPattylovesyou47iamgrouchoskryptxpbcromansclumsy_singhKatieBurnett
    astrobudstera_olivia4212HrBrywhathaveu1________BCSkimTheMongoose69ABurgerADayFredPollackManateeJackdefnotscottKampSinjeanievilleReverend_ScottRummyLaudedDavidOzmundIntoxicaTweetedchopper4jkchrisanna4realspartacuffs______
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.

    • 1,928
    • FAVS
    tishajeffJlofarsaysrekha624jmjwestMaya__Salampholguin45GingerGanderbrandie_lou
    • 1,217
    • RETWEETS
    sjoecablewwdismeANAZTHMAmiastayganked_Nasir_xyNapturelle78GingerGanderzolofighter
    lakeanagirlslyoung5Reverend_ScottPoliticallyILL1rzaroscoVikeeysSecretCanadian_HoserDsTwitzskitzoettethemorris23Psyche2YourEros__mikecerchiari
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

    • 1,767
    • FAVS
    ArwinWarriorLaniBenoSummerStarCoopFunneeMommyCopperheadSammiToasterHed5973youMADbro__abctrower
    • 1,270
    • RETWEETS
    ASAPDawnpurch_sToasterHed5973SadieSmithRoksBozteMegViVaLoCosimonchollandbrownieh28
    HiddleDeeDeeLiberty_JunkieCherishMeJust_Lee_fuzzlimeseanx3RunJeffreyRunOne_FineMessHeronSaysdirtydishtowelsstumblesdrunkenhoops_DaddybestlizardOnBeingHerDeborahPuettechrisanna4real
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far.

    • 1,837
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezKatieBurnettvisceral71lucy_nyholm123ThenutmegmanCatherineinALmemphismike71charliecliques
    • 1,167
    • RETWEETS
    visceral71lucy_nyholm123CatherineinALmemphismike71Val_MarchiniJustFollownRTPoiznSongbirdvmiller43
    hamspamtymaamgoogleymoogleyDanielRCarrilloGeauxSaints79peachgrenadelakeanagirl
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.

    • 1,758
    • FAVS
    POCCMollieTransgirl_Jennsockher_momnursemonth4Norstackkkawaii_kakkoiitgarland666_DaniKalifornia
    • 1,204
    • RETWEETS
    NorstackkMomtoteensLeighhBeeeBesaCunajMandoMiriSamatar_Ahmedskryptxcrispsigns
    KalvinMacleodkentgrossarthTheBeachWritingcavanpj6Chazballparkcathryn_ward4bodinghipchkkShrinkMediaCelebrityChezashleycremsara_ashlynnKevinBuffaloDeborahPuetteStellacopterAnita_nap
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I'm forbidding the twelve people who regularly star my tweets to ever fly in an airplane together.

    • 1,872
    • FAVS
    purch_sacurban62KarissajemhoedeehoecaliraingirlPaulaSofia_71Cromertyhoodiehider
    • 596
    • RETWEETS
    caliraingirlhoodiehiderSmug_LemurOutOnTheMoorsCommonSavantSRQ2UUnFitzDawnLovesZombie
    emireecraireJessObsessbonita__bonitaLastMermaid__Maxine12333RummyLaudedCrystalMoonableRadOrDie
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.

    • 1,596
    • FAVS
    dollywhackertweetlooseKatieBurnettCatherineinALdanielle_0827Dawn_M_PoiznSongbirdaudrimoon
    • 813
    • RETWEETS
    danielle_0827SamePageDifDayPoiznSongbirdOrangeNinjaJewAlongCameAnjamuse_me_againjjax44_xxorcist
    theDanLawlerkDuncanGDaphneDoo_punzischemeScigglez__________littlekitnerboyJay__ZimSTOTLEdixie_lee_peasFredPollack
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me.

    • 1,569
    • FAVS
    CatherineinALJustFollownRTDawn_M_PoiznSongbirdOneFunnyMummyserialmatrixnovicefatherastrobudster
    • 785
    • RETWEETS
    ZerofeverTheSpekkHollyHealsBadGrahammarNolaChef504JonnyKoolerzero3_benzVenusRockHobbit
    MagillicuttyMacajvaageWonderMonkey78pseudofauxmeocourtneynozachreinert03PoodasBrainWeissBrandon______cathryn_wardeTHEgoddessTheFearBoners____
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    It's awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.

    • 1,700
    • FAVS
    CatherineinALJustFollownRTDawn_M_PoiznSongbirdabsenthandedOneFunnyMummyKyStevoPS_IRuddYou
    • 645
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTPoiznSongbirdKyStevoPS_IRuddYouFunniestEverPeterClayton6OLDIRTYDIAPERWheelTod
    PORNOPINIONMike__LeeIvyelleWright____LadyDiGerber______The_SculptressPierre__4fullblowndaveMikeyHill_zenchampionCpt_Burnout
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people.

    • 1,629
    • FAVS
    HiddleDeeDeeCatherineinALJustFollownRTPoiznSongbirdbLIZard523drpjwillMarlebeanOneFunnyMummy
    • 613
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdConFuseUs_TodayOneFunnyMummyzTequilademonstealingsandRoxyPersiaastrobudsterT_Shams23
    kellyskellykissmeimkinkyBonerfiedtwit
  • WilliamAder
      Just Bill @WilliamAder

    Just noticed my desk calendar ends on December 31. Here we go again.

    • 1,264
    • FAVS
    CatherineinALJustFollownRTPoiznSongbirdcarlyme23OneFunnyMummyFunniestEverkDuncanGahsany2k
    • 955
    • RETWEETS
    PoiznSongbirdFunniestEverMarlebeanzTequilademonHollyHealskcMcCowgirlJonnyKoolerdthur3232
    ashleycremCaptainObtuselucyworld1gigglegirlnoelCanadian_HoserMikeCanRant
@WilliamAder

@WilliamAder
Pro

I'll be here all weak. http://favstar.fm/users/WilliamAder