I don't always kill my hookers, but when I do, I prefer strangulation. Stay gangster, my friends.

White dudes can't jump, dance, sing or rap. But hey, I'M NOT in prison.

I'm not lame. The only reason I use Facebook is to look at my friends girlfriend's tits

I like to sing songs on the radio and add in words like "fuck" and "nigga".

Facebook- Where unemployed mothers talk about their day.

Warning: The words "urinal cake" are very deceiving.

I, being an attractive, young white male, feel that the world owes me something.

Being a porn star seems pretty cool. You get to fuck new people, act like someone else, you get to fuck new people. Oh, and fuck new people.

I just saw a bumper sticker that reads "silence hides violence" duh, so does make up and sunglasses.

Note to self: Taking a crap and getting a blowjob feels great. But not at the same time.

Next time I get pulled over for speeding and the cop ask me for my reason for speeding, I'll just tell him that it's cause his mom is fat.

I've noticed something on Twitter, you woman talk slutty on here. But I bet, not a one of you would let me fingerbang you on a bar stool.

Nothing can turn a day around like alcohol!

If I star your tweets, don't feel grateful. Be grateful if I come to your house and fuck your mom.

Why whenever you get roadhead you either drive SUUUUUUPER fast or SUUUUUUPER slow?

I really wanna smoke some weed, eat some PB and J sandwiches and watch Yo Gabba Gabba with my kids. That would be bitchin!

I want you to hold my babies...on, in and around your mouth ...all 22,000,000. All in your mouth.

Does pussy taste like fish or does fish taste like pussy?

I am getting a tattoo sleeve and I want it to be original. Real original. Like something NO ONE has. So I've decided on 2 spiraling penises

It's a proven fact that a man's spit exites a woman's sex drive. That's why I spit in her drink AND roofie it.