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The difference between winning and losing is the loser thought you were playing a game.
The reason you'll never see a dead shark in the middle of the road is they aren't dumb enough to run into traffic.
Eyecare Clerk: And for $79 we can coat your lenses with anti-glare.
Me: Is that intended to benefit me or the people I glare at?
Forever could end tomorrow so at least one of us wants to see the dessert tray.
You can be my Teenage Dream, sure, but, from what I remember, it just means you'll be changing my sheets every morning.
When a man smiles at me I question his motives; when a woman smiles at me I hope she has motives.
When I find the time I'm going to open a tumblr account so I can tell you all Twitter is a waste of time. Then I'm going to convince myself.
The best thing about rock stars from the 70s & 80s is they had to be smart enough to perform without tripping over all the microphone cords.
Chained, muzzled, chipped pit bull who is overdue for his shots and does not fetch. Likes to lick peanut butter off the roof of his mouth when given the chance.
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