Why is swallowing so personal for a guy? It's not like you've been in the kitchen for hours whipping up a new jizz recipe.

U want me to believe that Tom Hanks was stuck for years on an island by himself & he didn't cut a round hole into the volleyball's mouth?

With all the unused wood & bush on Twitter, we could have a serious bonfire.

Don't know how u follow 500+! I'm following 255 & feel like I'm watching 50 divorce court/dramas, & 100 comedies/porn shows at 1 time.

So....this doesn't work like an online dating site?

2 people stopped following me & I fucking want to know why? Can I report them to someone? Who's the president on here?

Twitter reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. He never laughed at my jokes, but he retold them all the time when he didn't know I was listening.

I keep your dic-pic in a frame by my bed.

Hard day....I can't find my rosary so I'm praying over my anal beads.

So nobody cares if I'm funny as long as I use the word *blowjob*? Got it!

Just because we've starred each other's tweets several times doesn't mean we're twucking....well, yes, i guess it kinda does.

Anal to mouth....knees & toes, knees and toes.

I slept so intensely last night, even my vajayjay woke up w/ bed head.

A wet pussy is a terrible thing to waste.

I'd say 70% of my tweets are about sex or male & female sexual organs. So don't lecture me about focusing on unimportant things.

Life has its ups & downs, that’s why I prefer to be on top so I can control the thrust speed.

Each orgasm you give me buys u 10 minutes of snuggle time. Other than that, back the fuck up.

I'm menstruating up a storm over here.

I just told a Fb friend that I was "cheating" on him with Twitter-ers. He told me to be careful of twerpes because they're untweetable.

My living room couch also serves as a home office, dining room table, bed, whack off station, and nail salon.