The elephant sat in the middle of the room shy & uncertain, but realized it didn't matter what he did, they wouldn't talk about him anyway.

The reason I appear calm, cool, and collected in a crisis is because deep down inside I really don't care.

Due to budget constraints, the road to hell will no longer be paved with good intentions, but with apathy. Not that you'll care, anyway.

I will be your eternal sunshine if you will be my spotless mind

I hate when never doesn't last as long as it's supposed to.

Forgive me Twitter, for I have slept...

I should probably be alarmed that my upstairs neighbor is making a lot of noise and I live in a one-story house

Furiously knitting a new life from the rapidly unraveling threads of an old one

Probably the greatest symbol of love and sacrifice is eating the bread heels and giving the good pieces to someone else.

Ever notice the people who tell you that you have a lot on your plate are usually the ones who put it all there?

There is a difference between complicated and complex. The former is mired in anxiety and self doubt while the latter has an innate beauty.

I think my existentialism is getting worse.

My inner child just told me to grow up.

My black cat has begun jumping and running when he hears sirens. I told him to take the hoodie off and he'd be fine, but you know cats...

I hear your silence and raise you an indifferent shrug.

I am not defined by my past, but I cannot help being refined by it.

Someone sowed seeds of discontent into my garden of good and evil and now the whole balance is off.

Door hit me on my way out. Adding it to my long list of failures.

She awoke feeling not quite herself, which admittedly was a vast improvement.

No, I wasn't napping, I was outsourcing consciousness.