I asked her what her hobbies were she told me double penetration and thats how I met your mother..

You would make a great model for my dress shirts in the morning...

I don't always eat Sandwiches but when I do. bitch you better be making it stay hungry my friends.

In high school I was voted most likely to become a Super-villian. No joke

Yes of course, referring to yourself as a cum dumpster will surely bring a quality man into your life.

I never ask a woman for a blowjob its uncouth, instead I look into her eyes like I do the waitress at red lobster for cheddar biscuits.

You tend to know if Fucking is on after the first 5 Text messages with a stranger after the 6th your kinda forcing yourself to socialize.

Random fact #498 i dont fuck with women that weigh less than 130lbs.... Why? because i like women with flesh on em

so tired I could do 9 lines of Via off a barista's bare ass and still fall asleep...

I get along more with my twitter people because were all freaks, damaged goods and scallywags.. But were upfront and honest with our defects

My first thoughts on meeting a woman... I wonder how her vagina taste's? Followed by I hope not like saurkraut.

more sex please...

Mirror mirror on my shoe who has the prettiest pussy of them all..

guess fucking people till you find love works for only so long..once you get to a certain place mentally you look for something more

My Twitter crushes know who they are... at least I hope so...I should mail them macaroni art cards with a pack of sweet tarts just incase

I #FF not for attention but because not all of you may have good week and its nice to know that someone acknowledges you when others don't.

Not sure why you all are knocking minivans for throw in a full sized mattress and you have a traveling fuck wagon.. :-/ I want one now...

That Moment you have when you have an overwhelming urge to fuck someone so hard till you shatter your pelvis banging into them.

Guys telling your gf/wifee shes pretty,hot, fine or sexy. pretty much ensures when i tell her shes stunning she'll end up fucking me #yep

Sending women flowers at 10:00 PM at night.. this is why I get pussy fellas