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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Being Irish means getting rip-roaring drunk on special occasions. For example, when you celebrate dinner.

    • 287
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    islander_dibadboyversionAndrea__B__DrDweezil__Burds_1How_HardyCrazyForMoxley__RadishFacts
    • 143
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    How_Hardyiw97strongmanKristinAndreneBlindVigiljlm342iwearaonesiebeachhead1979redpawn3
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Just snorted some bath salts and ordered a pizza with everybody on it.

    • 165
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    islander_diCheeneeVodkaShorebirdDrDweezil__iwearaonesieMaureenWLCSW__mattkinkade__Cheeseboy22
    • 101
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    FunnyTunesGinGandersadsongsisingatlassheepdogSpencerLenoxheadway10BuckyIsotopeAdamUrbane________
    GroperCleveland
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I just stole my neighbor's wife. Damn autocorrect! Wifi, stole their wifi.

    • 165
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    islander_dibadboyversionDrDweezil__likeabeecat__iwearaonesieMaureenWLCSW__Cheeseboy22NFWeinstein
    • 95
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    badboyversionlikeabeecat__BarDogDavetaumarbssadsongsisingjmashithaMalakElFeky___ankur_mi
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    It is amazing how trim porn actresses stay with all the pizza they order.

    • 149
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    islander_diNameetSuranabadboyversionlikeabeecat__Burds_1NotThatNixonBackpackerBooie__iwearaonesie
    • 75
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    iwearaonesieOmarKhyamiamWheelTodchibagrrlRealWorldMemes__frenchbroad01____NYboyTIMESleechee420
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    People often talk about having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. For me it’s more like Spock and Homer Simpson.

    • 131
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    Autumn_WulfekytillidieJohnBechardbadboyversionVodkaShorebirdDrDweezil__MaureenWLCSW__BYGH
    • 60
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    Tortilla_Nazi__
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Every time you judge me you gain weight.

    • 111
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    jauzalinaa_x3elizabeth_felsGelasticGoGoescape2606batsflywestEvanSmith2JohnBechardVodkaShorebird
    • 67
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    GelasticGoGoescape2606JohnBechardfusedude__dansmellyoul8ronume_CAITBBKFtealbluejay
    Cynner777
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I once had to do a book report on Tom Sawyer, but hadn't read the book so I started off, "He’s a modern day warrior with a mean mean stride"

    • 127
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    VodkaShorebirdDrDweezil__likeabeecat__Burds_1GilmaticMaureenWLCSW__BYGHWheelTod
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    VodkaShorebirdlikeabeecat__chibagrrljokqsLOUD_Thoughts_JaeMar68BarDogDavemykeedog
    stonedcoldlazySpencerLenox
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Remember alcohol is NEVER the answer. "Why can't I get it up?" Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.

    • 109
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    samizielinskimekennamunsonVodkaShorebirdtealbluejayiwearaonesiesnidesnyderer__WheelTodNFWeinstein
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    Maggie_EschrichOmarKhyamiamWheelTodfavstar1000favssadsongsisingCJ_PoliticsGodLovesUgly22JustinBpackfan____
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I apologize to my students when I accidentally write your grade as 'C' when it should have been an 'A.' Also sorry to my Aunt.

    • 90
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    volks__chrisdabearMythicPicnicARedHuntingHatingy56KellyInStarsJohnBechardbadboyversion
    • 47
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    juankitneyvolks__aaronparker73chrisdabearJohnBechardsadsongsisingAdamUrbane________MulticolordEyes__
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Please lord, give me just one day without people constantly telling me how great I am.

    • 103
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    VodkaShorebirdMaureenWLCSW__snidesnyderer__Alisonzombielan__WheelTodLOUD_Thoughts_bonfirehearts____sadsongsising
    • 30
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    OmarKhyamiamWheelTodtaumarbssadsongsisingKidcrashedSTBGCFavstar500Favs__GreenEyedJedi
    eliserose5__
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Today is my birthday. If you didn't buy me a present just give the gift of a star.

    • 115
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    VodkaShorebirdLOUD_Thoughts_BarDogDavesingingdoves13sadsongsisingCourageDRsamborifficFlattliner
    • 17
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    sadsongsisingfavstar1000favseliserose5__JoeRye91silverbreezeySTARZYahoowonderhulagirl____mattysworld1
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I think deep down all men wish they had a wingman like Chewbacca.

    • 90
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    juankitneybrittanie_lewisMythicPicnicAnt_F3ltzxlr8tor87JohnBechardDrDweezil__mattkinkade__
    • 34
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    Ant_F3ltzxlr8tor87JohnBechardsadsongsisingsamborifficMulticolordEyes__FabianouslySouthernHustle
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I once saw a girl playing air guitar in the car next to me. Our eyes met before the light turned. That is my best relationship to date.

    • 92
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    JohnBechardGilmaticMaureenWLCSW__LOUD_Thoughts_JaeMar68BarDogDavethemcgillicutty__sadsongsising
    • 24
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    JohnBechardBarDogDavesadsongsisingjnrbtsn__________Favstar500Favs__WastelandmanNora0316CopperheadSammi
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    What's up with these Favstar trophies? Who cares about a stupid...OMG I just got a trophy! You like me; you really like me!

    • 95
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    1par8headMaureenWLCSW__LOUD_Thoughts_WheresCharlottesadsongsisingCourageDRsamborifficroggyie
    • 18
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    sadsongsisingseagullski__JoeRye91silverbreezeyfluffysuseFavstar500Favs__meowdelreyDeepDarkFear
    DeepSigh_________
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I'm worried I have exactly the same thing Benjamin Button had, just in reverse.

    • 72
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    DrDweezil__LOUD_Thoughts_verbstashlar36RobsTwitteBarDogDavesadsongsisingCourageDR
    • 40
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    verbstashlar36RobsTwitteWheresCharlottesadsongsisingMattBanhamjamesbrowndeadTARobison__
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Dear Aliens, before visiting know we are an angry gun-toting people. Plus we live with bacteria that can eat your face off. #ChasingUFOs

    • 54
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    1par8headLOUD_Thoughts_sadsongsisingviciousbabydollsamborifficroggyie77StephanieG77mrt1m
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    1par8headsadsongsisingFavstar500Favs__420iloveweedsilverbreezeydepp_cristinaWoah_its_megrachxboyd
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Donald Trump said if elected he would send Hillary to prison. Bill Clinton now endorses Trump.

    • 61
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    bartekzagiel__HoosierReb011ubetNorb_LawrenceFL4TRUMPDOTCOMKarmenHolt1DevonGraham31jjcc1212
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    HoosierReb01Norb_LawrencemlhalbertPerryMartin151DudleylandBernardv777vtul7321_WeHadEnough
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I would so dominate the game show Jeopardy! if they limited the categories to obscure knowledge of the ThunderCats.

    • 78
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    DrDweezil__LOUD_Thoughts_sadsongsisingFlashShumway______roggyieBuckyIsotopekaminowitzwesleybordelon
    • 20
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    lil_dead_girl_
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    It took Jesus a lifetime to pick up 12 followers. Now with social media I can do that before lunch.

    • 79
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    badboyversionDrDweezil__LOUD_Thoughts_BarDogDaveFlattlinerroggyiekaminowitzSpenceRoper
    • 18
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    silverbreezeyJayElem00_BrandonJ26ImSoYPFavstar500Favs__savagehippyeliserose5__zerode
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    The boys called and we're getting the band back together. Not really, but I always wanted to say that.

    • 74
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    LOUD_Thoughts_teeaysmithmish_a03dearjaimeashlar36WheresCharlottesadsongsisingroggyie
    • 21
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    RobsTwitteWheresCharlottesadsongsisingsilverbreezeyFavstar500Favs__eliserose5__Johnettav141Jessiav0
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