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  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Being Irish means getting rip-roaring drunk on special occasions. For example, when you celebrate dinner.

    • 273
    • FAVS
    mattkinkadeCheeseboy22redpawn3red121973leggygowanfarmthatblondeasianirishgrldmpiplips
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    beachhead1979redpawn3shezza_tOJBrisbanelove_laugh_eat8asketcaseWhiplashUnitedpiplips
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Just snorted some bath salts and ordered a pizza with everybody on it.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    mattkinkadeCheeseboy22piplipsJohnIScanlanDr_SmileypantsGinGanderGroperClevelandBarDogDave
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    FunnyTunesGinGandersadsongsisingatlassheepdogSpencerLenoxheadway10BuckyIsotopeAdamUrbane________
    GroperCleveland
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I just stole my neighbor's wife. Damn autocorrect! Wifi, stole their wifi.

    • 159
    • FAVS
    Cheeseboy22NFWeinsteinhangin_outWheresCharlotteBarDogDaveBownuggetsbonfirehearts____taumarbs
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    BarDogDavetaumarbssadsongsisingjmashithaMalakElFeky_ankur_miFatmaElFekiFlintLockeNikki
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    It is amazing how trim porn actresses stay with all the pizza they order.

    • 141
    • FAVS
    WheelTodmattkinkadeNFWeinsteinElChavaletobeateditchibagrrlbingkirdJoshabloomquist
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    OmarKhyamiamWheelTodchibagrrlRealWorldMemesfrenchbroad01____NYboyTIMESleechee420LOUD_Thoughts_
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    People often talk about having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. For me it’s more like Spock and Homer Simpson.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    WheelTodmattkinkadeNFWeinsteinTattooedMiserySagDec15kayleighpugetchibagrrlLOUD_Thoughts_
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    MrSimonPowellSagDec15chibagrrlLOUD_Thoughts_BarDogDavesadsongsisingstonedcoldlazykittyluvsblue
    Tortilla_Nazi
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I once had to do a book report on Tom Sawyer, but hadn't read the book so I started off, "He’s a modern day warrior with a mean mean stride"

    • 120
    • FAVS
    WheelTodmattkinkadeNFWeinsteinShitCourtSays_chibagrrlLOUD_Thoughts_owells40JaeMar68
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    chibagrrljokqsLOUD_Thoughts_JaeMar68BarDogDavemykeedogsadsongsisingCourageDR
    stonedcoldlazySpencerLenox
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Every time you judge me you gain weight.

    • 93
    • FAVS
    NFWeinsteinLOUD_Thoughts_WheresCharlottetaumarbs_Swamp_PrincesssadsongsisingNataleeDarajamesbrowndead
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    sadsongsisingNataleeDarajamesbrowndeadBPaduchjeremy_ymerej23__titusbbLadyDiGerber______alex_apathetic
    Cynner777
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Remember alcohol is NEVER the answer. "Why can't I get it up?" Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.

    • 104
    • FAVS
    snidesnydererWheelTodNFWeinsteinLOUD_Thoughts_WheresCharlotteBarDogDavetaumarbssadsongsising
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    OmarKhyamiamWheelTodfavstar1000favssadsongsisingCJ_PoliticsGodLovesUgly22JustinBpackfan____silverbreezey
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Today is my birthday. If you didn't buy me a present just give the gift of a star.

    • 114
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_BarDogDavesingingdoves13sadsongsisingCourageDRsamborifficFlattlinerroggyie
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sadsongsisingfavstar1000favseliserose5JoeRye91silverbreezeySTARZYahoowonderhulagirl____mattysworld1
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Please lord, give me just one day without people constantly telling me how great I am.

    • 101
    • FAVS
    snidesnydererAlisonzombielanWheelTodLOUD_Thoughts_bonfirehearts____sadsongsisingsamborifficFlashShumway______
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    OmarKhyamiamWheelTodtaumarbssadsongsisingKidcrashedstephgommonsterFavstar500FavsGreenEyedJedi
    eliserose5
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I apologize to my students when I accidentally write your grade as 'C' when it should have been an 'A.' Also sorry to my Aunt.

    • 80
    • FAVS
    mattkinkadehangin_outLOUD_Thoughts_BarDogDavetaumarbs_Swamp_Princessloisandbeasadsongsising
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    sadsongsisingAdamUrbane________MulticolordEyesFavstar500Favsthistletat13pbs6__itsDanOadesdansumption
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I think deep down all men wish they had a wingman like Chewbacca.

    • 83
    • FAVS
    mattkinkadeLOUD_Thoughts_sadsongsisingolievlsamborifficjnrbtsnroggyieMacKoolio
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    sadsongsisingsamborifficMulticolordEyesFabianouslySouthernHustlefluffysuseFavstar500Favsplatymo
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I once saw a girl playing air guitar in the car next to me. Our eyes met before the light turned. That is my best relationship to date.

    • 89
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_JaeMar68BarDogDavethemcgillicuttysadsongsisingCourageDRsamborifficjnrbtsn
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    BarDogDavesadsongsisingjnrbtsnFavstar500FavsWastelandmanNora0316CopperheadSammibeckylynnefield
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I'm worried I have exactly the same thing Benjamin Button had, just in reverse.

    • 71
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_verbstashlar36RobsTwitteBarDogDavesadsongsisingCourageDRsamboriffic
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    verbstashlar36RobsTwitteWheresCharlottesadsongsisingMattBanhamjamesbrowndeadTARobison
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    What's up with these Favstar trophies? Who cares about a stupid...OMG I just got a trophy! You like me; you really like me!

    • 93
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_WheresCharlottesadsongsisingCourageDRsamborifficroggyieAtheiarianMS2034
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    sadsongsisingseagullskiJoeRye91silverbreezeyfluffysuseFavstar500FavsJilnarXODeepDarkFear
    DeepSigh_________
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    Dear Aliens, before visiting know we are an angry gun-toting people. Plus we live with bacteria that can eat your face off. #ChasingUFOs

    • 53
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_sadsongsisingviciousbabydollsamborifficroggyie77StephanieG77mrt1mAdamUrbane________
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    sadsongsisingFavstar500Favs420iloveweedsilverbreezeydepp_cristinaWoah_its_megrachxboydPoopSkeez________
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    I would so dominate the game show Jeopardy! if they limited the categories to obscure knowledge of the ThunderCats.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_sadsongsisingFlashShumway______roggyieBuckyIsotopekaminowitzwesleybordelonmrt1m
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    sadsongsisingJayElem00teachingplaceFavstar500FavsILLKICKYOURCOCKeliserose5MrBenzMafiaxxxreturn2dust77____
    lil_dead_girl_
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    It took Jesus a lifetime to pick up 12 followers. Now with social media I can do that before lunch.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_BarDogDaveFlattlinerroggyiekaminowitzSpenceRoperwesleybordelonmrt1m
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    silverbreezeyJayElem00ManuGonzalezjrPrinceLamarrFavstar500Favssavagehippyeliserose5zerode
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    The boys called and we're getting the band back together. Not really, but I always wanted to say that.

    • 74
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_teeaysmithmish_a03dearjaimeashlar36WheresCharlottesadsongsisingroggyie
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    RobsTwitteWheresCharlottesadsongsisingsilverbreezeyFavstar500Favseliserose5Johnettav141Jessiav0
  • Xeriland
      Tim Xeriland @Xeriland

    This year for Lent I decided to give up. I was finally successful.

    • 73
    • FAVS
    LOUD_Thoughts_BarDogDavesadsongsisingFlashShumway______roggyieBuckyIsotopeJustinBpackfan____kaminowitz
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    BarDogDavesadsongsisingsilverbreezeyFavstar500FavsPeachyiskDiaryOfAGayManMeadowsZosoeliserose5
@Xeriland

@Xeriland

When it comes to Twitter we are all in this alone.