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Nothing could EVER keep me away from you, baby.
Not even this restraining order.
Or these handcuffs.
Or the bars on this jail cell.
Messaging me "What's up?" is like asking me "Hey Marc, can I see your cock?"
I see how it is.
Take a day off to get healthy an you guys forget what a motherfucker looks like.
when "kik" is autocorrected to "kill", in this context:
“you can kill me if you want.”
it's very, very bad.
don't obey me if it happens!
At a point in my life where I'd rather hear a friend talk lovingly about his infant son than hear another one brag about a "girl he fucked."
I can't stand creepy guys that try and talk to you... My face is in my phone and I'm giving you one word responses...
You can respect your body and feel good about it and share it with whomever you wish and still have respect.
Don't tell me what is and isn't "permissible" to do...
I'll retweet that shit a thousand times, if I want...
I don’t need directions to Comic Con. I’m just going to drive in the general direction until I see a centaur eating a hotdog.
Hi I'm Adele and all my songs are the result of being a hungry bitch who strikes out each day while at bat against the demon that is my diet
I just met you,
But your hairstyle...
Is from 1980.
Update it? Maybe.
If only I could smoke my weed straight out of the bag like I can drink my whiskey straight out of the bottle...
It's the weekend, boys! Those dick pics aren't gonna' send themselves.
I'm thinking an empty house, with a nice bottle of scotch. At least until its time to go out tonight... You and me Twitter! Be back soon.
Things scarier than Justin Bieber threatening you: 1) A kitten playing with a ball of yarn 2) Yellow Starburst 3) Literally everything else
I drink too much, talk too loud and laugh at inappropriate times. Recently, I was called a cunt and I liked it.