Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I hate when she pulls that "sleeping with one guy thing" and I'm not that guy!
If I find out Nelson Mandela was drag racing when he died, I'm going to be very disappointed.
My beard is marvelous incase you're wondering.
Meet someone with similar insecurities
Have nothing in common
Get a divorce
I just finger gunned my way through a crowd, if anyone's look for a maniac.
You would look very cute
buried in my backyard.
I think my Elf on a Shelf is a manwhore you guys.
In my rush, I drop my briefcase. I feign surprise as everyone around me watches it pop open, sending dozens of pizza slices across the floor
*Adam Levine walks into a tattoo parlor*
Make me look like I passed out near a frat boy holding a permanent marker!
A brownie without weed is just a frownie.
When receiving a blowjob, avoid using the girl's ears to pull her back & forth
...and trust me on the sunscreen.
What in the hell does, "Unwanted Gold" even mean?
It's 2013 and you're still using "u" for "you"? Bitch, I KNOW you have an iPhone with a full keyboard.
I'm much funnier & hotter if you drink 2 bottles of tequila, it's really really dark, you're hard of hearing & there's no one else around.
Don't "babe" me in DM unless I suck your cock.
I'm neither a liar nor a saint. I'm simply an alcoholic with an over active imagination.