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Loud, booming, car stereos make me want to murder people.
I wish I was off of work and cuddled up with the boyfriend. Lame, I know I am.
If these bruises and bite marks say anything it's that I got drunk and my boyfriend took advantage of me!
I see you, guy in the acid wash jeans but I don't respect you.
A guy called me a goth and now I'm plotting to murder him and his entire family. I can't allow this kind of stupidity to walk the Earth!
I can only hope that when they find me dead, they try to type my pass code in wrong ten times and erase all the data on my phone.
Sleep in your makeup, you'll get a few extra minutes of sleep before work and still look camera ready.
When my boyfriend tries to hug me, I scream "No Bones" and go limp. Ahhhhh.....true love at its finest.
OMG guys, I just replied to a tweet. Am I banned from Twitter now?
Sunday drinking because I love being hungover for work on Monday mornings.
So then he tells me he's okay with my drinking and I'm like all like "Hello, I found the ONE." to all my friends.
If he's drunk and says he loves you that counts as true love, right?? Right??? I'm desperate here!
Hey do you guys remember which hand is supposed to itch to bring money? My right hand is awfully itchy......maybe it's a masturbation thing.
Hope my neighbors like my music......
Turn the FUCKING lights off Mom, can't you see I'm watching Back to the Future????
No one understands me in this house.
My body can get me any guy I want....my personality is what keeps them.
Haha just kidding, I'm a cunt.
Every time I see a Frosted Flakes commercial, I want to murder Tony the Tiger. I don't know where these homicidal tendencies come from.
BOB! Booze over bitches....I don't know it sounded much better in my drunk mind.
I'm neither a liar nor a saint. I'm simply an alcoholic with an over active imagination.