Country music meets Christmas music. Surely I am dead and in Hell.

I want to peel back the skin from my face and go through the rest of the day as a screaming skull.

Seriously, I want to take a fat dump in a confessional then headbutt the pope. Fuck that nonsense.

In this porn I'm watching, the guy just put his lube-covered hand against the wall to brace himself. Excuse me?! Were you raised in a barn?

I had to explain @horse_ebooks to someone irl today.

Sane, intelligent, attractive; you can literally only have 2.

My cats gross, weird-looking balls... http://twitpic.com/3kfjz8

@shrineshrine If you found a Pokemon, you should weaken it, then throw a Poke Ball.

I could really go for playing with a dude's balls right about now.

I want to stand on a raised surface and piss all over Piers Morgan while he cries and begs me to stop.

Watching my parents' faith in the Republican Party disintegrate before my very eyes. Bless their little hearts.

From the ones I've dated, gay Christians like to quote scripture about how horrible we are, then ask to be physically harmed during sex.

Lady in line wouldn't make her kid stop screaming, so finally I yelled "Waaahh, I'm a privileged white child!" & everyone in line laughed.

Here's a kitten dressed as a sailor with tonight's report: Celeb whore turns arrest video into her newest sex tape! Buy, consume, you fools!

Kill every rich fat white old man. Use their ivory bones as furniture, cooking utensils, and weapons.

@thebattleangel IS A MAN NOT ENTITLED TO THE SWEAT OF HIS BALLS?!?!?

Since when do the bell ringers from the Starvation Army sit in chairs? The lazy fucks.

@requireshate "some whites should never open their mouths" There, I just fixed a whole bunch of stuff.

I just got caught jerking off. That's what I get for wearing headphones.

When I inevitably die in some botched hair removal experiment, please get Westboro to picket my funeral. SOMEONE needs to show up.