@Xytrex's (Jamie Sloan) most faved Tweets...
In PJs eating toast with orange marmalade, watching a LifeTime mov…oh crap this isn't Facebook? Ahem, I’m eating zombies and farting a lot.
For Halloween, I decided to reuse my 10 y/o jester costume. Tried it on and realized I’ll be going as a beach-ball with bells this year.
How can you call me lazy? I walked all the way upstairs to the other bathroom to avoid changing the paper.
I’m wearing a necklace again, or as I like to call it “a random, agonizingly painful, chest hair remover”.
My wife: I'm going to go make something good for dinner.Me: Let's start with realistic goals. How about something hot for dinner?
“So you’re a princess”“No, an astronaut”
“You’re a gorilla”
“Actually a pirate”
And that’s why my wife answers the door on Halloween.
“You’re a gorilla”
“Actually a pirate”
And that’s why my wife answers the door on Halloween.
TV commercial "One in four women misread a traditional pregnancy test" . Yeah, cuz they're still drunk!
I feel a funny coming on. You might wanna stand back. Oh. Nope, just gas. You still might wanna stand back.
24 hour Twitter withdrawal may include, having your wife find you on the street corner mumbling mildly humorous one liners at passing cars.
It's apparent she puts on her makeup by opening her cosmetics bag, shoving her face in side and shaking vigorously.
My back hurts pretty bad today. If it could talk it would probably say "What in the hell, I can talk?" Then it would complain about hurting.
Hey gang, just so you know...if you accidentally type faceboob instead of facebook, it doesn't redirect.
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