@Yayaa's (Yaya) most faved Tweets...
How is it that you can call someone everyday but never ask them out on a date? Come on collections department guy.
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it's fucking dirty again. This is bullshit.
"How you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?" Kanye, why you in a room full of hoes? Lets start there.
My wax esthetician doesn't like foreplay. In her thick Russian accent she says, "take pants off now and if you want like baby, the panties."
Once it hits 40 degrees, I'm wearing my fur. And by that entire sentence, I mean I'M NO LONGER SHAVING.
Me: "I love you mom."
Mom: "Like a mule loves its wagon."
This message brought to you by the makers of Menopause.
Mom: "Like a mule loves its wagon."
This message brought to you by the makers of Menopause.
Just got back from a beer garden. I am here to sadly report that I was invited under false pretense. Beer does not grow on trees.
I'm so glad there are directions on how to dry my hands on the dryer. Otherwise,I might've just wiped my wet hands on the person next to me.
I wish microwaves would say more than just beep, beep, beep. Things like,"You are beautiful and I love you. We should make out." Aah dreams.
You should never fart in front of kids. They'll say things like, "HAHAHA, YOU FARTED!" loudly.
This story not based on any actual events.
This story not based on any actual events.
Dad: "Come to church with me today. What if I die today?"
Me: "I'd regret not ever telling you how I really feel about church?"
Me: "I'd regret not ever telling you how I really feel about church?"
The key to keeping your things organized is to throw it in a bin out back and set fire to it, all of it.
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