"If you say so" really means "You're wrong and an idiot, so I'm not explaining."

An apple a day doesn't compare to vodka.

The only thing worse than second-hand smoke is second-hand Nickelback.

10-10-10 is XXX in Roman numerals. HAPPY PORN DAY!

According to chemists, alcohol IS a solution...

The hair tie was invented right after the first blow job.

When you fuck someone for the first time, you know how their ex liked it.

I like to write "Wake Up" on my To-Do list so I can start the day off accomplishing something.

The first rule of A.D.D. club is wow that's a cool necklace.

After sex, guys have the same problem as a murderer; what to do with the body.

Cats have it made. They walk around naked and everyone thinks they're adorable. But if I walk around naked, I have a drinking problem.

Your mom: So easy a caveman can do her.

True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

The most fake thing you will ever see is when two girls meet each other for the first time.

WOW! What a whore! Oh, that's a mirror. Never mind I like this outfit.

Is it possible that Brazil has a wax museum with nothing there?

"That's what." ~ She

Sometimes instead of "harder," "faster," or "deeper," I wanna yell out "Better!"

Are rats' asses really ours to just give away at random?

Everything is negotiable when you have tits.