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Adorning the Christmas tree with ornaments the same way Jesus did in his own living room oh so long ago
Hanging out with one of my single friends, living vicariously, and hearing crazy Tinder stories.
It's a jungle out there, gang!
When a recently added Facebook friend warns me not to judge them too much because their posts are usually a little "out there".
First the Marvel Universe is completely changing, and now Playboy is no longer showing nudes? 16 year old me would be so confused.
An app that gives you the price of tonight's specials at the restaurant you're at when you don't want to sound cheap asking the server
"When wil Facebook roll out a Dis-POKE button?"
Fuck it, send.
When a friend sends a screenshot of their phone and you see their battery life at 7% and you start to shudder even when it's not your phone
*hits up Travelocity for a trip to Cuba*
Going to your spouse's work holiday party is just like going to a totally super fun party minus the totally super fun party part
"Isn't Al home by himself right now?"
- My neighbors, as the sound of Taylor Swift's Shake It Off blasts through my open windows
A progress bar, but for when your wife is telling a story so I know how much time is left
Alex From Target emoji. Someone get on that.
When you go to Target with the wife for just one thing and she grabs a shopping cart on the way in
I'm still trying to understand why Nick Fury isn't a white guy anymore
I have some real zingers in my draft folder, guys, but I don't think you're ready for those yet.
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