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  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    At an Italian wedding. Can I force the father of the bride to grant me a favor today, or have I just been watching too much Godfather?

    • 5
    • FAVS
    NegroQuestionschumyxxxMelvinofYork1evilidiotCindyMeakin
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    "Did you bring a phone charger by any chance?" - How people greet each other at wedding receptions these days.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Cheeseboy22JandalizeLaffingGUYAvatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    acurban62
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    If you need proof that you're not young anymore, look up this year's Coachella lineup and see how many bands you recognize.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    LaffingGUYlizzlondonMelvinofYorkjeffporper1evilidiotschumyxxxCheeseboy22_Ms_Moneypenny_
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Will we see prostitute White Walkers on this season's Game of Thrones? If so, DEAD HOOKER BOOBS

    #bt140

    • 11
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_BasstardyLuvPugBeyondThe140tanagoodwinEric_Nikiforovmellimellenovocapulum
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    BeyondThe140tanagoodwinklr715mellimelle
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Our future selves will be laughing at us always charging our phones, like, all the time. Fuck them & their super 3 month future batteries.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    LaffingGUYscotthellrisingLuvPugdylertaraSkinnieTallsHatesNiceThings_Ms_Moneypenny_itsjustME_lissa
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    HatesNiceThings
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    I like all your artsy pics of sunsets, your coffee, your dog, etc, only so I don't seem too pervy just liking your scantily clad selfies.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    LaffingGUYscotthellrisinganjadrischedbritonHatesNiceThings_Ms_Moneypenny_itsjustME_lissaBasstardy
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Kauaibride
  • YesitsAl
     
    Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    @hatesnicethings nothing like that. It's just that my thoughts have been sounding boring to me lately. I've been watching, always watching

    • 2
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_HatesNiceThings
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Living with two females in a house with two bathrooms means I never get to use the bathroom.

    • 28
    • FAVS
    LaffingGUYscotthellrisingLuvPuganjadrisch_Ms_Moneypenny_silverbreezeyVirgoSherrytheguydf
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    CM2BTTHD
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Only reason I know who's playing in the SuperBowl is because they're from the 2 states that legalized...Umm......What were we talking about?

    • 20
    • FAVS
    LaffingGUY_Ms_Moneypenny_silverbreezeySilentDigressorEsmeraldaLatelyInconsteveableVirgoSherryBasstardy
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    LaffingGUYBasstardymelfigga3UnFitzAvatar_unknown_48
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Either I'm at a party with Darius Rucker & RuPaul right now or this stuff I took is finally kicking in.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_silverbreezeyVirgoSherryBasstardyCM2BTTHDwoedrummerboyNikkiAgainitsjustME_lissa
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    NegroQuestion
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Of course the New Jersey state flag has a severed horse's head on it. It's the Mafia's version of the Illuminati Pyramid

    • 23
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_silverbreezeyVirgoSherryMaxine12333redherringbearHatesNiceThingsnaughtygeisha3NikkiAgain
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    HatesNiceThingsnaughtygeisha3Avatar_unknown_48
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Watching the Jobs movie from my Android tablet through my Chromecast to my Samsung TV as I tweet about it on my Windows PC.

    • 21
    • FAVS
    anjadrisch_Ms_Moneypenny_silverbreezeyVirgoSherryMaxine12333CM2BTTHDDrangulaitsjustME_lissa
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    silverbreezeyDice_Man_UKkimberlybryant_theigirlJonTheMegucaCopulaterman
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Someone at this party is already puking. My brother's 2 year old just can't hang

    • 31
    • FAVS
    silverbreezeyBasstardyNickCasaliniCM2BTTHDHatesNiceThingsMaxine12333itsjustME_lissaDulciePlaid
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    CM2BTTHDHatesNiceThingsjeffreyvanclea1_TayTayJustine_theigirl
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Sure I can still hang like I used to! Just let me take this nap first.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    edbritondbgindyKimKardashsToesilverbreezeyEmdee12HatesNiceThingsMaxine12333itsjustME_lissa
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    jessicanortjeKauaibrideEmdee12HatesNiceThingsMaxine12333kimberlybryant_theigirlshearerone
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Fellas, wherever you go tonight, hit on every girl with the line "You da hottest bitch in this place!" If it works you'll be my hero

    • 20
    • FAVS
    silverbreezeyDulciePlaid_theigirlcurlymalloyVirgoSherryBarW38_mSAWsheri8900
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    _theigirl_mSAWLjiskindacoolSmartAssBastardJaaaaakkCopulatermanAvatar_unknown_48
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    You know you're drunk when you think it's 2 in the morning and it's only 7PM

    • 30
    • FAVS
    silverbreezeyMaxine12333itsjustME_lissaDulciePlaid_theigirlcurlymalloyVirgoSherryXalqee
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    _theigirlNnyScsbsosno13
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Thanks to the funny @anjadrisch for the Trophy!

    • 1
    • FAV
    desi_princess
  • YesitsAl
     
    Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Big thanks to @innhuman for the @favstaroftheday Trophy! Follow!

    • 1
    • FAV
    InnHuman
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Do they teach a "Typing on Touchscreens" class in schools yet? Kids need important life skills to prepare for the real world

    • 33
    • FAVS
    silverbreezeyDSLikesItGlitterHobbitlacrossemom5jeffreyvanclea1kelter1Maxine12333itsjustME_lissa
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    marynicolegMaxine12333themcrackersHatesNiceThingsExitThaWarrioriilleesstt_
  • YesitsAl
      Yes Its Al @YesitsAl

    Thanks for the air conditioning at your establishment in December.

    • 27
    • FAVS
    silverbreezeyMaxine12333itsjustME_lissaDulciePlaidcurlymalloyVirgoSherryXalqeemooturkey
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ForeverHairyMr_Supernovaeosno13

Yes Its Al’s Newest Tweets

@YesitsAl

@YesitsAl

I have some real zingers in my draft folder, guys, but I don't think you're ready for those yet. Trapped in @randyocalypse's freezer.