@Yidago's (Mr. Havercamp) most faved Tweets...
Imagine if we could merge together the brains of everone on Twitter into one person. Wow. That fucker would really love bacon.
Wisdom for my son: There are two types of married men; those who are pussy whipped and those who are about to be divorced.
Browsing through the list of people following me I've come to realize there are a lot of kind and genuinely nice people on Twitter.
Block.
Block.
I don't keep a clock in my bedroom. I just open the shade on the skylight and use my morning wood as a sundial.
Best part of having an anonymous twitter profile? This: My boss probably hides in the bathroom at Chucky Cheese and watches little boys pee.
I don't know what all the fuss is about. I prefer clean teats. I know that when I'm suckling, I...
What? Clean tweets?
Oh, fuck that.
What? Clean tweets?
Oh, fuck that.
I try to hold in my pee for as long as possible. The mounting pressure is a reminder that my penis is still functional and not merely decor.
Just threw up, took a shit and then masturbated. Or, as I like to tell the ladies, completed a triathlon.
Wife said she cleaned *really* well in case I want to go down on her later.
There seems to be some confusion about whose birthday it is.
There seems to be some confusion about whose birthday it is.
Ahhh...alone in the office. I love this. It's quiet, I can get work done without any....huh? Now how the hell did my dick end up in my hand?
New Year Resolutions: 1) Earn $1,000,000
2) Become handsome
3) Fuck a supermodel.
If you're gonna fail...fail big.
2) Become handsome
3) Fuck a supermodel.
If you're gonna fail...fail big.
In my inbox: "In appreciation of ur chronic sinus infection & constant masturbation, please accept this $500 gift card. Sincerely, Kleenex."
In the future, public masturbation will be considered acceptable behavior. Related: I'm ahead of my time.
I've been secretly giving my wife male hormones for years now in hopes she will grow a penis and I can have our marriage declared illegal.
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