Gay? Sir, I am straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

@macmiller Thought you'd appreciate an awesome photo of your wonderful, dedicated fans. @mostdopefamily @macaintwhack pic.twitter.com/5Gizuyxl

I stick my head outta the gutter for one FREAKIN' second and FATE shovels SHIT in my face!

Gay marriage needs to be legalized everywhere already. Cause I know I would watch the shit outta some gay divorce court.

Yesterday I was asked why I used the f-bomb so much. What the fuck is an f-bomb?!

I just wonder how the person who invented tampons explained their invention to others..

How'd you get so lame?

Literally in tears over the news of My Chemical Romance being over.

Miss my burger. :( @ambersalmons

TACOS RULE.

Not high me wants to rearrange the living room. High me is still sitting here.

@macmiller You're high. Go lie down. :P

Ready for 2012 to be over. It gave me the worst of days, it gave me the best of days. I'd like 2013 to give me more of the best days.

Don't worry, be happy.

So glad my boss and I have the same views about weed. #legalizeit

Every girl needs a Jack Dawson. #Titanic

@butchdaman best tweet all night!

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much to far away.

It's ridiculous how much I still love Rugrats after all these years. #90sAreAllThat

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.