Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

I wish you were beer.

My greatest joy would be husband breaking both his arms and I could made him watch a porn movie till the end. AND do not touch him either

Create folder named"horseporn"on desktop from stupid boss.take a creenshot&set as wallpaper, then watch him trying to delete it.endless fun

I usually fall asleep to the sound of my own screams...

what does sex in a boat and american beer have in common - they're both fucking close to water

How To Know If a girl likes you?if she sits naked on your hand & it feels like a horse is eating out of your palm, she likes you.

how do you get the bitch, which stole your husband? Let her keep him.

#LawsMenShouldFollow The Way to a womens heart is between her legs. With a tongue.

wife is going to acupuncture to get pregnant...$65 - If she needed little pricks to get pregnant you would've gotten the job done months ago

Tonite half past three in the morning neighbor was hammering against my door, I was so scared I almost lost grip of the drilling machine

Mimes, Ninjas and Cholesterol - the 3 Silent Killers.

BIONIC PENIS BEAMS. Or 'sperm', as they're more commonly known.

sex should be like a honda slow obsene and loud enough for the neighbors to hear

yah I've gotten good at typing in the past few dasy

How do you make a happy marriage? Cut their heads of right after they said" yes, i do". Problem solved.

What have a man and a cooling box in common? If you fill them up with beer you can take them everywhere.

People like to say "I'm not religious but I'm spiritual." I like to reply "I'm not honest but you're interesting.

a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake an entire relationship.

If I were a greek god, my name would be testicles.