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how is Blimpie still in business?
My dog Reggie just tried to eat a nickel. Such a Jew.
Just pulled a muscle scooping some chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. Great workout. who needs the gym!? AM I RIGHT? #WhyImStillSingle
fun online game: natalie portman's face. you have to try to make her look ugly. at the end there's a pop up that says "nope, still gorgeous"
theres a show on discovery channel called "650-lb. Virgin"..... um. well yeah....?
I wish they had shaved Anne Hathaway's hair live during that performance. Look at her stupid face. Guhh
How do you just let a fupa happen? Is it gradual? Like what are you!
poors are the worst
Kids are annoying. Like when they smile and play games. Useless.
Mariah is Christmas.
wait, Mufasa DIES!? i totally missed that part. this movie makes WAY more sense now.
Oh shit I just realized tomorrow is Valentines day! My plans require zero modification. #Im7yearsFrom30
met a girl named Zoe who spells her name "Xoe" and signs everything "xo, Xo" & now everything i've ever done is inadequate and not as cool.
JACKPOT just got a free flu shot on the street you guys! Ive never seen them melt down the vaccine like that before! It was awesome!
there aren't enough commercials in the world to make me believe that ITT-TECH is the best stop on the road to being a success. sorry, no.
I can't hear the song "To be Loved" without hearing Eddie Murphy belting it in a Zamunda accent on a Queens street corner.
just pulled a muscle sneezing, in case you were wondering why I'm single.
“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”