how is Blimpie still in business?

I can't hear the song "To be Loved" without hearing Eddie Murphy belting it in a Zamunda accent on a Queens street corner.

imagine going through puberty in the jungle. nighttmaaaarrreee. #jumanji

does @michaelstrahan get discounts at the @gap ??

do you know what DIY stands for? P-O-O-R. @zayell

just pulled a muscle sneezing, in case you were wondering why I'm single.

eggs in bulk kind of freak me out. it's like 12 mini abortions in a box. that we eat.

skateboarding looks like so much effort for very little payoff.

WOW just got yelled at on the street in German. i thought i knew what fear felt like. 1939 up in heyaaah.

sometimes i get really frustrated with super ditzy blonde girls, and then i remember that everyone needs a receptionist.

Short men REALLY like working out. #awkky

Guys, one of the girls at this party has a side pony tail. Stay tuned for updates.

Tom Cruise thinks aliens live inside him.

Babies with those weird red dots or bumps on their faces? Gross. Lock that shit up.

ttyl @finnyface we had some good times because of me. #yourewelcome

oooo yeah Starbucks, thx for spelling my name Zoiey (!!!) on my cup & on my bagel & thx for the reduced-fat cc, as if ANYONE PREFERS THAT.

My dog Reggie just tried to eat a nickel. Such a Jew.

I wish they had shaved Anne Hathaway's hair live during that performance. Look at her stupid face. Guhh

@bagelsnrahtz rocks a small dick.

The fact that no one is EVER going to call Carly is almost as awkward as Faith Hill's braces. #grammys