ive been drinking water for years now.

rather than distributing the wealth of the present, we're stealing the wealth of the future

whenever i follow someone really cool i always make sure my recent tweets are good, in case they check out my page. because im really cool.

if my tweets aren't convincing then just read my favorites and youll be able to tell i have an amazing sense of humor!

i cried at a katy perry video.

i hate how SNL is continuously unfunny, when i hope so hard it will be funny.

"Furthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracks, It's just the last guy that played me left a couple cracks"

sitting on the grass is making my butt itch! (because of this tweet, i can never run for public office)

i cant even transport a carrot from a plate to my mouth this is sad i am in recovery.

My hips don't lie!!! (yes they do) no we don't! (yes sometimes they lie) no we swear we are honest!

i got 8 favorites for one of my tweets so i must be twitter famous now!

My sister gave me good advice:"If you love something, let it free. If it loves you, it will always come back". She knows so much about cats.

omg whens the last time anyone had a fruit gusher?? these things are insane good!

my floor is walking around singing the Prince of Bel Air theme song.... i love my floor.

i am so much more awesome than a drunk booty call. get your act together, boy!

new concepts we talked about in class today: "sober sex"

megan has so much energy that she can "eat a buffalo and then poop it out"

@ecareyo why are you so desperate in your profile video?

sometimes i just want to travel the whole world. all the time.

I want to live in a nation where my vote matters. In Ohio it matters but for a lot of people it doesnt.We need to end the Electoral College.