Sext: Silly with desire, you rip off my waistcoat & ascot; however my pantaloons give you some trouble!

Tee hee what a delicious kerfuffle!

Tree wars are dumb as hell. They just grow at each other in anger.

I would be completely fine with a Pompeii-like incident today.

Find my charred ash at my charred desk, head in charred hands

"Siri, which office supplies make for the most prodigious lovers?"

Whoever said "once you go black you never go back" has clearly not met my bank account.

The grey light of morning washes over our F I S T S. You punch my sternum and I smack your eye.

I really think we're getting somewhere.

Good writers are good thinkers and good thinkers don't fuck around.

I, however, fuck around and so does everybody else I know.

At the end of the day, trees are pretty cool. They were featured heavily in Return of the Jedi so I guess they're famous?

Jews and Romans have taken a lot of flak over the years for crucifying Jesus. I say trees are just as culpable.

WHY DID YOU DO NOTHING TREE

Holding your cel phone to your face while gesticulating with your hand palm up is a

POWER

MOVE

Crayons are my drug. Mm god yes.

Thers u thers mommy. Thers our house under the smiling sune. Fuk gimme that periwinkle.

Gonna draw a dog

I feel cognitively weird.

Last week I took a tree out on a boat and BLEW ITS FUCKING MIND.

Next week I'm gonna take one on a plane & watch it burst into flames.

It's kind of liberating not having any followers.

I think I'm gonna do weird tweets about trees all day

Viscous ooze is bleeding from my walls again, only this time it's hissing "reassuring" phrases.

Man I am SO glad I rent.

There is a lady at my office who just weeps all day. She doesn't even have anything on her desk.

I leave work feeling ... nothing.

HOW has it taken me until 2012 to get into Dinosaur Jr?! Good gawd.

The trouble with casting yourself as a clown - the moment you behave like a human, they hate you for it.

A few simple tips to give you that nice HARD WOOD finish

@speechtotxt @the_dorkster @harbingerr @18_going_on_30 @punkdystopia @broiledskintags @whylazarus @el_nacho_nigre

Thank ya kindly!