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Congrats to Kim Kardashian for having another person inside of her.
eating dog hair is making my hangover so much worse
The NYPD has occupied Zuccotti Park but they really don't seem to have a clear message.
In England they call cigarettes 'football'
Founded in 1992, O'Doul's will turn 21 this year and can finally have alcohol.
The biggest threat to traditional marriage is Converse sneakers in wedding photos.
I just don't think people who stay home playing Monopoly need another cat.
Casio? NOT ON MY WATCH!
One day my dad went out for cigarettes. When he came back we all smoked cigarettes and talked about how much we missed mom.
My sexual fantasy is to be having any type of sex while I'm completely debt-free.
PRAY FOR WORLD PIZZA
Sadly, the secretary that put together the #bindersfullofwomen was paid less than her male counterparts.
I wear the pants in the family. That's my wife and kids over there, the ones without pants.
If Romney is so 'pro-women' why come he only has sons. LOOK AT THE FACTS.
I bet the Department of Indian Affairs keeps being moved into smaller offices
Fun drinking game: Drink every time you get nervous in social situations.
"The simplest way for a grown man to make a fool of himself is always the best." - Occam's Razor Scooter
I probably have the best hubris.
Comedian. UCB Performer. I play Whitney in the hit show 'Whitney'