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Sometimes all you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself down & sponsor a penguin
Today was awful, but not stuck in a lift with a yeti awful, they never bring snacks, never apologise
according to my phone I'm connected to everything except reality, works for me
Ok so plans B, C & D are probably beer but E contains all the fuck it in existence
2014? Well, it wasn't 2013 but it was no 2003 either, wasn't even a 1991, bastard
Have run out of beer, am consulting a specialist
Coincidence is amazing, I woke up here yesterday too
If you have a problem & cheese helped you probably overreacted
Looking back it all went wrong just after the toaster broke
It's tense here, negotiations with fridge over release of third beer at crisis point, may have to wing it
True love & raw passion were in short supply today so I had a biscuit
Spent all day doing stuff, working hard, kind of over it now
Immortality's ok but no couch lasts forever
Today feels like Karma & Armageddon mated & then invited me to dinner
Right now I could eat at greggs then throw up in subway & I'd still be smiling
Remember, any emotion not shared on facebook cannot exist ever, fucking wombles
I either have a friend or an enemy drone unit, either way it's nice she drops by
I've got an erection & a steak pie, oh well, when in Rome I guess
According to my morning I didn't drink nearly enough last night
My life just got triple x, ps, playing scrabble alone sucks
Over 40, still alive
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