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Sometimes all you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself down & sponsor a penguin
Not sure we need all this seven days in a week bullshit
I'm smiling & I like people, this is not going to end well.....
Today was awful, but not stuck in a lift with a yeti awful, they never bring snacks, never apologise
according to my phone I'm connected to everything except reality, works for me
Son just explained the differences between two cartoon robots & now my beer can't chill fast enough
Don't fuck about, be wrong properly & earn the stupidity with pride
Ok so plans B, C & D are probably beer but E contains all the fuck it in existence
2014? Well, it wasn't 2013 but it was no 2003 either, wasn't even a 1991, bastard
If you have a problem & cheese helped you probably overreacted
Have run out of beer, am consulting a specialist
Coincidence is amazing, I woke up here yesterday too
You'd think unhygenic would be fun at least half the time
News from fridge
Casualties: 1 tomato, 1 slice ham
Finds: cheese, jam
Supper: the search goes on
Either I need to get in shape or my mirror is haunted, fucking ghosts
Looking back it all went wrong just after the toaster broke
It's tense here, negotiations with fridge over release of third beer at crisis point, may have to wing it
After a long day I just want to bury my head in someones' underwear & moan until she does
Like seed under snow he lies still, not dead but waiting, because warm beer sucks
True love & raw passion were in short supply today so I had a biscuit
Over 40, still alive
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