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  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    “I do not mind peeing in front of people, I just do not like getting started in front of people.”
    — the opening line of my autobiography

    • 32
    • FAVS
    FishingDirtyfayeistakenkaylatexasharmonypearlJahscahIanWearsPantskchlarson22Melly1278
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    stonedisabathyper_casualmhanthungkudikaranPuneet_ArgiNanowireOptimusSublimesweetrOwen
    sucittaM
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    I don't care about you as a person, I care about your abilities to entertain me in 140 characters.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    MothpeteH1MaintenanceOldGloryTeesGlittermepink5____jimmykinkadesweetboudica______AspersioncastBJewell_d________
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    KsKM3Glittermepink5____toshalirti__TheAbbyDollensCpez38blahblahAMYblah
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    You can get a lot done by not micromanaging the habits of people on Twitter.

    — The Four Hour Workweek

    • 13
    • FAVS
    MothpeteChefBoredRTsOldGloryTeesjimmykinkadeDesperate_LoserLavenderpantssouthbaysueAspersioncast
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    OldGloryTeesSpotswoj__________
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    What is it called when the only meat you eat is Swedish Fish? Diabetis?

    • 14
    • FAVS
    vxlkMothpeteOldGloryTeesDesperate_LoserNanetteNuNuNachsouthbaysueBedheadBunnyjcgreen
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    You have no proof that I won't be President Batman.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    MothpeteOldGloryTeessouthbaysueBillSleazyDukeOfOyl________AspersioncastCpez38LukeIsHereNow____
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    AspersioncastSteepFrugut
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    I invited my friends to play Word with Friends with me and they all responded with, "Friends is a strong word."

    • 10
    • FAVS
    MothpeteDreamersWakeHannahAnticsbignas46DctorFun__andreaibuCountGripsnatchconsprcy_carrot
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    UnconnectedDots__DctorFun__
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    You are so insensitive that you would tweet your own mother if you could.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    MothpeteOldGloryTeesDrThanatosDesperate_Losersmuttercup________SteepFrugutVirgoSherryThirteenfeb______
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    Has anyone checked to see if we still can’t divide by zero? I bet we’ve been able to do this for months but no one has tried.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    MothpeteGaadgette________OldGloryTeesDesperate_LoserBack2theFutrell__NanetteNuNuNachsouthbaysuedrewmonge________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    onedavedeep
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    I can't work under these conditions. Bring in the dancing lobsters.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    MothpeteDreamersWakeCabetoMejiaH1MaintenanceNikkiFerr_mightymouse______sonniea________CharleyEnglert
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Moodringeyeseveryotherstar
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    Hey people with your following Fridays: I already got you. I don't need anyone else.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    MothpeteDctorFun__WoodchuckerzChristinaStuffThe_MartiniGirldezzyblackOXOldGloryTeesNanetteNuNuNach
  • ZicklePop
    • 8
    • FAVS
    aliouftwiChrischagnonfutureimperfectTony_Dfrakintoshtrinoids__hotdogsladies
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    hotdogsladies
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    Man, that guy who wrote that article that backs up my existing beliefs NAILED IT!

    • 8
    • FAVS
    sigmafactorMothpetemarcprecipicestickwithjoshmicahpanamakathrynyuJayFrostingtorrez
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    onidavin
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    80% of domestic violence is caused by that god damn music they play in the dentist office.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    MothpeteDreamersWakeCabetoMejiaSupa_GroverDctorFun__imjustcarrierockraproll______superduperkewl
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    minnierosegray
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    I like to hide in the restroom at work and place bets on who washes their hands.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    MothpeteOldGloryTeesDesperate_LoserKottyn_Kandee____Lavenderpantssouthbaysueimjustcarriefemin9
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    Dead people suffer from a chemical embalmance.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    MothpeteOldGloryTeesAspersioncastvxlkJasmineIsSillyZiggyWiggedSteepFrugut
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Kaycie_bSteepFrugut
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    I hate you guys so much when the television has things on it.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    kdotrunsthismisscaroparhamrjackwoods_4torrezHelloIAmHalasucittaM
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    mike_stellar
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    YouTube is a perfect replacement for parenting, as long as you give your kid the keyboard cat talk.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    MothpeteDreamersWakeCabetoMejiaDctorFun__VocabuLarrycountgrafDataBlackoutsuperduperkewl
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    Sometimes I sneak into @apelad's Netflix queue and add movies made after the 50's just to see the look of horror on his face.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    GirlDetectiveCharleyEnglertmrgansucittaMmayjahaustinkleonapelad
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    apelad
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    I bought my books for college today. That national debt doesn't look so big anymore.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    MothpeteDctorFun__Haleys_Hell______OldGloryTeesDesperate_LoserCabetoMejiacountgraf
  • ZicklePop
      Jake @ZicklePop

    Toys"R"Us, Babies"R"Us? Make up your mind, what are we?

    • 7
    • FAVS
    OldGloryTeesjimmykinkadeDesperate_LoserLavenderpantssouthbaysuedrewmonge________DreamersWake
@ZicklePop

@ZicklePop

⊗ Self-described seasoned antagonist, creator of the mad lib