This is not the New York City that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fought to protect.

"You are not a winner," the Pop Tarts box says in no uncertain terms.

I whisper, "I know."

（╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━ʎɥɔɹɐıɹʇɐd━┻

"The demand 'pics or it didn't happen' is curiously similar to an infant's lack of the concept of object permanence." --A thought I just had

My people beat every part of the dead horse.

The Fukushima reactor, according to Twitter, is exploding, melting down, under control, and totally fine. Simultaneously. #informationage

Real women don't espouse exclusionary requirements for womanhood.

@celestialbeard http://t.co/F2OKagSD

Smart Phones Are “Emasculating,” Says Man With Ridiculous Piece of Plastic Strapped To Head  http://news.cnet.com/8301-1035_3-57571612-94/sergey-brin-smartphones-are-emasculating/ …

It's easy to forget that behind every wall of inscrutable irony and dick jokes that there's a vulnerable, fallible human being.

If another book falls on my head, I swear I'll kill my shelf.

Mitt Romney is a never-nude. Pass it on.

You guys, what if the US had 80% voter turnout like France did?? That could do... absolutely nothing because our political system is broken.

GET OUT OF MY CITY http://t.co/GOoeah2g

There's no reason the US military's budget should be so huge. I mean, police departments kill brown people every day on a shoestring budget.

 http://i.imgur.com/SDvFf.jpg  Took me a minute but god DAMN.

I was cut with an xacto knife and thrown into a car door for being queer. Being told your beliefs suck in an unkind tone isn’t “bullying.”

ZOEY is trying to learn GET UP BEFORE NOON. But ZOEY already knows four moves! Delete a move to make room for GET UP BEFORE NOON?

YES >NO

I want you to own me like one of your noob girls.

Thanks, Internet. Without you I'd be blissfully unaware of the existence of people who are sympathetic to a convicted fugitive child rapist.