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Its not the size of the boat or the motion in the ocean it's whether the captain can stay in port long
enough for all passengers to get off
Ever looked at someone and knew that the wheel was turnin but the hamster was dead and its lifeless little body is just being tossed around?
I'm pretty tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never even heard of vodka before.
anyone who says "nothing is impossible" has obviously never tried to staple jello to a tree.
I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, but I wonder if some of them are here to test my
it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to smack the fucker who made you frown.
If your hand is limp when you shake mine I will assume that you tuck your cock and balls between your legs and prance in front of the mirror
If I could get fucked a little more literally and a little less figuratively that'd be great!
Being pretty, smart, funny, and rich are great but if you're a shitty mom none of it matters.
the only complication there should ever be in a relationship is figuring out who's on top tonight!
I'm looking for a man who can make me laugh, is that too much to ask?
Oh and by laugh I mean scream his name over and over....and over.
I've noticed I look my hottest right after I get out of the shower....but right before the mirror de-fogs
What I lack vertically I make up for horizontally..
Gonna buy a gun since my daughter told me a boy named Canyon likes her. First use might be on his parents for naming him Canyon.
Love it when I go running and my boobs clap....its like I have my own cheering section! The mist of sweat spraying me is refreshing too!
Is there a "woman card"? If there is I think I've lost mine for no desire to read 50 Shades....
I have most everyone I know believing that I suffer from hearing loss just so I can ignore them when I walk by and they try to talk to me.
For not having painters tape Wile E Coyote sure did paint perfect fake tunnels.
It's highly unlikely that you will ever see me dancing
Unless I'm behind the dorky white guy mimicking him until he turns around and I run.
If I had a miniature fire breathing dragon I'd use him to make smores in bed.
Barely sane single mom starting over and loving every last minute of it. Sometimes I make sense, most of the time I don't but at least I can laugh at myself.