Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine

They say that what goes around, comes around. When it does I hope it hits you twice as fucking hard

I can’t undo my mistakes. All I can do is make more mistakes and hope the original one gets diluted

In an argument, your woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

No, I don't want to say 'hello' to you at the checkout. I just want you to scan my food so that I can fuck off. And you can fuck off too

#FF all those who have found the light of love in the dark heart of another

I know people who should be marked as spam in real life

I could do with a supersized order of whatever the fuck it was you were just thinking

I feel like a skid mark in the washing machine of oblivion

Jesus died for our sins. Let's not disappoint him.

Everyone is alive for some reason. Even if its to be a bad example

Would you like lies with that?

Yeah its all fucking hilarious until a box of frozen fish fingers is slipped into your vagina while you were doing the ironing

Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles

The only truly consistent people are dead

I will cum on your important documents. I will cum on your gas mask. I will cum on your ankles. I will cum on your Zippo lighter

well did you or didn't you? You must know for fucks sake?

#FF all those who couldn't give a fucking shit anymore

My chemicals tell me I am attracted to you. My olfactory nerve tells me you are someone to be avoided