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I have the best wife ever.Dang she is wild and crazy in a good way. She he's an awesome pair to stare at!!!
Fairly certain my life would have turned out different had I been born with the ability to shoot purple laser beams from my eyeballs.
Having no internet the past few months, I was forced to face the real world. Take my word for it, it REALLY is as shitty as you all imagine.
If I had a dime of every tweet I wrote, I'd be able to make my car payment.
Oh wait, it was repossessed. I guess I'd just buy some 8 balls
If there's one thing this past year has taught me, it's that there is no such thing as rock bottom.
Little known fact about me: I once OD'd on heroin tossing the salad of a drug mule.
Burying the 1 person who was the ONLY shining light in a shitty childhood & facing a past you've kept buried for 20 yrs makes for a bad day.
Man, this Easter egg dye takes FOREVER to dry on my balls.
Little known fact: Jesus just wanted to get away from his girlfriend for the weekend.
Is my anti-Christ complex showing again?
Three midgets walk into a mini bar...
Whatever I do in life, I take comfort in knowing my parents are as proud of me as Marvin Gaye's father was of him.
So high that all the airplanes look like ants from up here.
Today I made like Jesus and wore a crown of thorns.
Well, it was just a regular crown. And I didn't really wear it. I drank it.
Having my way with your molecules.
Changed my username. Got tired of being an asshole.