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I'm glad you think my curves are sexy but every time you refer to me as 'curvy' my brain translates it as 'fat'
There is a circle of hell reserved for flirtatious guys who never mention their girlfriends.
You know I respect you as a friend if you stopping by is no longer an occasion to put pants on for.
When did facebook start this creepy 'message seen at' thing? The art of ignoring someone is forever ruined.
I don't like twitter on Sundays because I don't give a fuck about football. #sorrynotsorry
God bless iphone screen shots. #GossipMadeEasy
I wish my guy friends had more guy friends.
Every once in a while I like to take a moment to appreciate the fact that I made it this far without getting pregnant.
The beliebers are just 19 million statutory rapes waiting to happen.
I don't know why everyone thinks you're so pretty. #DontSeeit
"sometimes I think about the speech you'll give at my wedding and I'm terrified" - the bestie #youhavenoidea
I've been single for so long I can't even picture my life with a boyfriend.
I don't need a boyfriend I just want someone to come play with my hair and nap with me right now. #AndBuyMyDrinks #AndMakeMeCum
High tolerance. High standards. High heels. I am cruelly critical, a judgmental bitch, intolerant of stupidity, & a pretentious educated elitist.