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good job there lady. Im sure Jesus would love to see the instrument of his torture and execution beadazzled on your purse.
Plan A: Marry hot girl. Plan B: Marry average girl that can cook. Plan C: Hookers and Poptarts.
I think Twitter should drop Stars all together and replace it with Magical Unicorns. Then ppl will tweet, "I'm such a Magical Unicorn whore"
I hate how everyone just assumes I believe in new years day. happy holiday to you too jerk.
It's not that I'm always right, it's that I'm more right than most people... all of the time.
I can't remember what happens if someone drinks bleach. They either die... or they don't. It's definitely one or the other.
oh yeah I don't have a wife.
Why is Christmas trending?... did it die?
Man I miss a woman's touch. And by that I mean, I miss the outdated food in my fridge being thrown away.
the oversized playboy bunny sticker must get that guy laid like CONSTANTLY. good thing he has it or I might question his sexual orientation
If male suicide bombers get a bunch of virgins when they die, do female suicide bombers get like one male that just listens to them?
When I have kids I'm teaching them that other ppl's version of Santa is wrong, that our Santa is far more superior & judges the other Santas
God came to me in a dream last night and told me to tell yall youre not pronouncing jalapeno right
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?... A May Bee! I stole this from a cereal box- Don't you judge me
deleted my myspace account today. It didn't seem very happy about it, but ya know it feels good to bring closure to a neglected relationship
I don't remember ever following some of you people. Was I drunk when we met?...
Should I get checked?
my livingroom bulb went out. Now Im trying to rearrange bulbs so there is some light in every room of my apt. Its a game of college poverty.
If I ever get on top of favstar's leader board, I want it to be bc I threatened ppls lives and cheated the system. Not bc I'm really funny
Axe has a body spray that smells like leather? Is this what turns you girls on? Seriously bc I'll move to another country before I wear that
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