Nothing's more defenseless than a lady who just painted her nails.

I just wikileaked in my panties a lil' bit.

You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.

Why yes I do in fact have better things to do than talk on Twitter all day but fuck that shit.

I fucking hate trimming the hedges if no one's gonna visit the gardens. #Ladies

If you love Christmas so much, why don't you marry it? #MarryChristmas

Ever since I got this front fastening bra all I've wanted is to see a guy fumble taking it off. Is that so wrong?

If somebody stars, retweets or talks to me; I'm gonna follow them. I'm a goddamn whore like that.

Fuck Paranormal Activity 2. You wanna get really scared? Look up vaginal problems on WebMD.

All that twitters is not gold.

I love when little kids give me that look, the look that says, "What the fuck is this crazy bitch talking about?"

I'm fluent in Jive Turkey.

My kisses taste like unicorn jizz. Which tastes & has the same consistency of honey so you dirtbags are missing out.

Why kill ewoks?! They're the Care Bears of Star Wars.

I recycle tweets so much I'm just waiting for someone to accuse me of stealing my own stuff.

Need a boyfriend to go banana sandwich on my vagina.

I will beat you with a whore's wooden leg.

Bukkake- it's good for the pores.

Inappropriate, Taco Bell. http://t.co/nYe5TkBO

Sometimes I get really worried that I know people that haven't seen the Venture Brothers.