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Just heard a radio ad call adult circumcision “relatively painless.” Really? Relative to what? A napalm enema?
What is "Mitt" short for? Mittens? Mittens Romney?
I wish the director on “The Voice” would show where Christina Aguillera has Princess Leia chained to her leg.
Nothing worth a damn has ever been accomplished or created by people concerned about looking stupid in the process of doing the work.
If I’m holding one of the double doors open for you and you say thanks and then open the other door for yourself, we can’t be friends.
Nothing brings me joy like a polished, sophisticated network news anchor saying “Pussy Riot.”
Fuck it. I’m going to Arby’s.
The assumption of competence.
If I'm not mistaken, Al Qaeda has changed its name to "gluten".
There was an earthquake in Maine just now and there's maple syrup EVERYWHERE.
The best way to watch the VP debate is with the sound off and the football game on instead.
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