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I feel like a dick for unfollowing people who post religious stuff but it's their fault really.
Why did the semen cross the road?
Cuz I put on the wrong sock.
You can't look cool chasing a beer pong ball
I almost forgot that I hate everyone.
Bartender: how are you today? Me: whiskey coke.
Chlamydia is not a flower
If only cigarette fairies existed.
I think Plato once wrote, "Girls don't like boys. Girls like cars and money."
I'm not crazy cuz I take the right pills. Everyday.
You look like you just walked out of the douche bag section at Nordstrom
I got the swag and it's pumpin out my ovariessssss
Just rediscovered my fear if ticking clocks
Well I guess I'm going to die a virgin tomorrow -__-
She drinks like a catholic and fucks like a sadist