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I think Argo Ben Affleck is hotter than clean shaven and "fit" Ben Affleck.
It's all give and take, guys. I've been feeling pretty damn great lately, but I can't tweet worth a damn anymore.
My mom called, crying incoherently, so I think maybe I mixed up Twitter and Facebook again.
Need to clean the entire house within the next hour, yet I'm still more motivated to sit here on my phone. Fuck depression.
I'd rather give cunnilingus than receive it. It's like I'm sexually proverbial or something.
You don't know failure until you don't even have the willpower to be anorexic or bulimic for a full 24 hours.
"Yes, I'll have a venti virgin blood frappuccino, extra soy whipped cream, with a shot of orphan baby's tears."
Can we stop with the terrible period jokes now? If your periods are really that bad, you should probably go see a doctor as soon as you can.
I know someone so stupid that when she pays for a meal with a card, she tips in cash AND writes in the amount she tipped on the receipt.
Hey Gwyneth Paltrow, stop pretending that you're better than me. I'll always remember that you were in "View From The Top".
Know what's worse than a bad parody of Spaceballs? The Star Wars prequels.
FUCK YEAH, SPACEBALLS!
Someone retweeted the guy that raped me almost a year ago and now I'm having a minor panic attack.
Without creepy older men on the Internet, the winky face would have died out years ago.
If you have enough money to not get excited when you find a random dollar, then maybe you should be leaving them for others to find.
Nerdsexual. Narcissistic. Bipolar. Exhibitionist. Mermaid. Does arts and crafts for money. (Instagram: patiencejane)