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Apparently teaching my son to say "inside of you" when a female asks him what he wants to be when he grows up is irresponsible.
Super Mario and Zelda are very accurate in depicting the idiotic things men will do for pussy.
If you keep removing the plastic bag from your head to breathe, I'm never going to cum.
I once tried to tell a dude I was shy but I laughed so hard his cock fell in my mouth.
You know what happens if you sprinkle bacon salt on bacon? Time travel.
I once beat up a dude in the Waffle House parking lot for calling me a bitch. Turns out, I was drunk&he was a shrub but I still beat his ass
:I just ate out an Asian woman.I'll be horny again in an hour.
I always thought a leotard was a lion with Down Syndrome.
Nothing says "I suck dick for money" like sucking dick for money.
He wanted to do the 'rape' role-play so when he jumped on top of me I shot him twice with a .45 and called the cops.
:Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll be gone every day leaving you free to have sex with the pool boy.
Tampax is coming out with tampons for morbidly obese women called "Tampoons".
Usually when a man tries to make me jealous by hitting on another girl I just take her home and fuck her better than he ever could.
I bet Magic Johnson's wife always throws his HIV in his face
"Uh-uh nigga you HIV positive and I'm positive that you about clean this house"
My son is so dramatic. "My toy is gone!" "My foot is broked!" "Let me out of the basement mommy!" Drama queen.
I'm going to breed a few different dogs to create one that hunts for women with fantastic tits. I'll call it a Melon Collie.
I don't care how big your dick is, if you can make me laugh I won't tell anyone how small it is.
If you don't want me reading Hulk comics to you in a Southern accent wearing nothing but panties then you shouldn't have given me tequila.
Hey skinny women,
Carbs are fucking delicious.
When I watch a video of a woman masturbating I wonder if I look that stupid while I'm doing it. Then I realize I'm watching the mirror.
I'm sexually attracted to beards. Cunt. I'm Satan in his loveliest form. My vagina needs more cowbell. I have a huge ovipositor. Let's mate.