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  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.

    • 1,367
    • FAVS
    gecheck62wsts_tAlwaysnudeMarcieBrookeJuliusSkeeezerphlaugAnnaCatAdorerkDuncanG
    • 701
    • RETWEETS
    gecheck62JuliusSkeeezerTobyMastersSevenSpirits_TheKelSlingBwanaChrisLanecat2Just_Oh_Susanna
    JosesLovesYouNinjaFuneral______GroperClevelandPoodasBraincaptainashamedDeanB15sexxxnyourgirlJandalizeTheTennisPhenom
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    Girls pick jerks over nice guys the same way guys pick sluts over cool girls.. we are all idiots.

    • 1,005
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGToxicProbablykmdk83____________AHoundNamedAlbafractaljackalHelmdawgEjujuhoundspottersclay94
    • 708
    • RETWEETS
    zolofighterfractaljackalDavidWaddleLisaLovesTacosTheAlexPthe_estradabrosious_xoMuffySweet
    vajjiefbabyshegotagronkbouncingblonde
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    If you break up and get back together more than twice, I will not listen or care about your relationship problems you idiot.

    • 836
    • FAVS
    ashlar36SecureSamCmack4018rodney_at_largeCheyCookesetfiresfeeljoybilliebigelowBwanaChris
    • 338
    • RETWEETS
    Annie_Rulessetfiresfeeljoykmdk83____________TheMurderMacPrince_Madness1MasterOfFurythe_couch_guy____TheButchJones
    shegotagronk
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    I go for the cute, goofy guy with the jokes over the hot, cocky guy with the muscles everytime. Because funny guys are the best guys.

    • 742
    • FAVS
    BwanaChrisfractaljackaleves_kayleepennyrose345RealBettyCocker34michaelangeloHelmdawgEcarykayleroze
    • 326
    • RETWEETS
    fractaljackaleves_kayleeHolli_ThackerNikki_Lea44carykaylerozeTheAlexPPrince_Madness1MasterOfFury
    0lipops__________shwebby2__________Shock_Monster__squashguy15
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    My brother is trying to set me up with a guy on his Xbox.. that's a new low you guys, a new low.

    • 745
    • FAVS
    HelmdawgEtwayne1010DETROIT_ACJjkinky49JeffCtrlAltCFCJamesonN7david_paytonIreland_Beckons
    • 196
    • RETWEETS
    Jjkinky49JeffHorrorRonaldJamesonN7david_paytonPrince_Madness1ColoradoCrowJodyhichussyglitrpants
    TreeWalrus________
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    My mom hands me an extra large zucchini and says "It's for eating by the way". My mom might like twitter after all..

    • 672
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGsammyj_04fractaljackalHelmdawgEscreammsayonaraPrince_Madness1dinkykinkyRosie_Zadinia
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    fractaljackalPrince_Madness1Rosie_ZadiniaMasterOfFuryTheButchJonestkhan74zoydalgiddyboozing______
    kissmeimkinkyEvilPandaXBigHeb7urbusta
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    I call pregnancy on that engagment.

    • 610
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGoheydooHelmdawgELizziefroadult_keveragelmiller3341Cameltoesmcgeeha_MARTI_a
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    jeffswarenshemiteBthe1HelmdawgEmrs_rainey1970SmackinMonkeysNOTBRYANKINGmotionjess__Prince_Madness1
    jaffryanBaBofaEFFFFFFYOU________1800Randy
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    I will ALWAYS take "you're so weird" as a compliment.

    • 496
    • FAVS
    NoamanBToxicProbablyBDoghouseRealBettyCockerHelmdawgEcarykaylerozeTheAlexPOnlyNeoIsMe
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    emily_wennerrelseykoNikki_Lea44carykaylerozeTheAlexPa91k_chaseOnlyNeoIsMeMadShaffer
    JustASmirkRipperReed
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    If buying boxed wine makes you classy, then I am the Queen of England.

    • 588
    • FAVS
    CatherineLMKHelmdawgETheAlexPasegerstCajunBethgKeystoneKid27shellybrook0402Prince_Madness1
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    HelmdawgETheAlexPcandy_badassPrince_Madness1the_couch_guy____OmarKhyamiamJ_Hughes_1985toofabulash
    No_Job_JoeNight_ER_Ninja
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    Just watched some idiot spend 10 minutes trying to vacuum up a gum wrapper instead of just picking it up. JK. It was me. I'm so lazy.

    • 476
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGfractaljackalDamnPutnamGirlHelmdawgEdinkykinkyJmfB88Rosie_ZadiniaVanillaRoads
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    Rosie_ZadiniaMasterOfFuryThatBitchChaconYessiDawgMarisssaHiltonpimpCblackesparzaisaiahbeefyman99
    PaulyMosh
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    People who wear pants to bed are creepy.

    • 433
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGQuartzjixlermdhiggins78HelmdawgEpasserbyshadowhalchampionbubbav26Angela_Rose81
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    passerbyshadowbubbav26itsakadoozie03TheAlexPhotmessminushotthe_couch_guy____TheButchJonesmandacrabtree
    DsTwitz
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    The more awkward you are, the more I will love you. Everytime.

    • 458
    • FAVS
    VishkankariaHelmdawgEforallthewinecarykaylerozesoul_craving__Angela_Rose81MischiefSassyiGreenMonk
    • 142
    • RETWEETS
    MischiefSassyTheAlexPkatiegorewaxervajjiefbabymike_sweetsventivodkacranJenny4ashleyAmbidextrous_13
    Fuckinmorons
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    My mom just told me to "Mapquest" directions..... And how would you like me to get there, mom? My covered wagon?

    • 426
    • FAVS
    kDuncanGHelmdawgEl3av3m3alon3King__CuttTheAlexPSonofConwayCodyMinarichgeekycooker
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    tessmansfield12TheAlexPScoobdooblesTheButchJonesPaulyMoshJTppManLG1092marinaciera
    Chazballpark
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    <------- Brought her remote to work instead of her phone like a true intellectual.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    CubaMaynekDuncanGfractaljackalHormonellaHelmdawgEl3av3m3alon3TwistedCrazzyMythicalCrystal
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    yldncr8zMythicalCrystalpottersclay94TheAlexPthe_couch_guy____fill_mysoulTitsAndBumsJenny4ashley
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    Pretending to be busy is exhausting.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    HelmdawgESonofConwayCodyMinarichmydmac11intheendBeauJoe56mind_numbfill_mysoul
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    11intheendmind_numbfill_mysoulTitsAndBumsNoniMsi____MsUndersinJenny4ashleyNo_tact_here
    HysteriaBarbie
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    On facebook, you can watch someones pregnancy. On twitter you can watch someones road to getting more drunk. I like twitter.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    vOrgZfractaljackalHelmdawgEpgarcias12smile95okTwistedCrazzypottersclay94TweetMelissa83
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    fractaljackalTheAlexPTheBeard38cheyytyler72_NatashaMasonkeltonbeltzTitsAndBumsJenny4ashley
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    Nothing quite like running into your ex boyfriend's parents with a cart full of alcohol and hot pockets..

    • 383
    • FAVS
    SofiaLuviHelmdawgElabodiquaamhlawyerTweetMelissa83ktlj1TheAlexPJosesLovesYou
    • 92
    • RETWEETS
    yldncr8zLisaLovesTacosTweetMelissa83TheAlexPTitsAndBumsJenny4ashleyBobFoxx214No_tact_here
    jferg1616GimpySunshine____ShotOfBull
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    Kelly Clarkson is the new Nickelback... No more songs please.

    • 289
    • FAVS
    HelmdawgEJosesLovesYougtdoopsIamThorMeToo______vewdewchyldPaulyMoshNo_tact_hereNinjaFuneral______
    • 179
    • RETWEETS
    vewdewchyldJenny4ashleyABstoner44________No_tact_hereMcInappropriatecharliedelta7Favstar250Stevie_Sez
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    "LeBron has cramps"... I get those every month you baby.

    • 351
    • FAVS
    HelmdawgEJosesLovesYouTBadkissunderyourbed666sprusso89adicortezcollshmeen23HogsNCubs
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    sprusso89aaronupCuddleYourCatJenny4ashleyPaulyMoshBobFoxx214bad_lee215No_tact_here
    jumpdashark
  • __candypants
      candice @__candypants

    Whenever I talk to a good looking guy, I turn into some kind of weird comedian that says "bro" a lot.

    • 369
    • FAVS
    kDuncanG_Ms_Moneypenny_HelmdawgEatanenhausJ3ssicaGrac3jenlaw_11JerynnNicoleDishy2101
    • 74
    • RETWEETS
    DisEkYolandiiiJosesLovesYouthe_couch_guy____Jenny4ashleyPaulyMoshNo_tact_heredavecoons75vajjiefbaby
    trumpthechumpUnsatiatedVixen
@__candypants

@__candypants

MIZZOU grad. Sorority girl. Sports nerd. Proud American. Aspiring trophy wife.