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You know, Barbie has a lot of cool stuff for a girl whose knees don't bend.
Love means never having to say wrong hole
4 out of 5 urologists smell their apple juice before they drink it.
Any convenience store that requires I wear pants isn't all that convenient
Tip- poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.
I like you guys more than I like real people
Whoa ...whoa. Did you guys know people lie on here?
Why would I give a word to the wise? It's the stupid people that need it.
Volunteered my arms today for students to practice IV starts. I have track marks Gary Busey would envy.
When you say "I've got your back" I hope you mean you're going to bend me over a chair.
I just found my bra from last night. Related: I need to buy a ladder.
Nothing turns me on quite like the sound of a racking shotgun.
It's normal for your Dentist to tea bag you in the exam chair right? At least tell me you're supposed to deep throat him for the xrays :s
No no no. Help! Someone I actually know wants to be my twitter friend. Quick hide me!
Tip- if you're the only one dancing, and there's no dance floor. You may have a drinking problem.
Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else, you're supposed to give used toys to less fortunate.
Is there a better feeling than crawling back into bed? I think not.
I seriously need to get laid. This isn't a joke. I'm so deprived I think I have cob webs in there. Somebody help.
How come when I have a Dr apt I can't find any underwear without a hole in it
Do they run credits at the end of a porno? I've never made it that far.