Never confuse education with intelligence.

OJ Simpson has got 2 things every man wants, a Heisman Trophy and a dead wife.

I need to go to the doctor. Everything I eat turns to shit, and every time I close my eyes I can't see.

I will strike up conversation if you're sitting in the stall next to mine, just so you have to listen to my shit from both ends.

If you eat pork n beans with peanut butter you get farts that stick to the roof of your ass.

I'm at my most racist in traffic.




Your are too, admit it.

Ya'll can have this tweeting while driving shit. One, it's dangerous as hell and two, it made me dump my beer all over the floorboard.

Just because you can grease yourself up and fit in a bikini, doesn't mean it's a good idea. Think about others for once you selfish bitch.

I bet 3/4 of the folks on twitter wanting to cut someone up with a chainsaw couldn't even get the motherfucker started.

The best part of Black History month is the Girl Scout cookies.

When you read a tweet that's makes you laugh or piss you off, retweet it, it could make a difference in someone else's day too.

I bet you don't choke your dick with the same weak ass grip you shook my hand with, pussy.

This weed I got smells like God's vagina.

It wouldn't hurt my feelings a bit if Sarah McLachlan had her vocal cords ripped out by one of those dogs nobody wants.

Q - What word starts with N and ends with R that you don't want to call black people?


A- neighbor

If I had a foot long cock, I'd be making $ with it, not bragging about it on twitter.

I passed some young punk texting while driving today. It pissed me off so bad I threw my beer at him.

The only problem with drinking Jager is pissing out your ass the following 24 hours. My doodie hole hurts.

I've got a new supervisor at work that doesn't know his asshole from his earhole, so I'm going to fuck both.

This could be the weed talking, but I just had a bug fly by my ear and that shit sounded like a helicopter.