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  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.

    • 2,372
    • FAVS
    routinemalaise3texaslodestarsDeurb1_zazaz_OneUglyMFerAldawg68crunchenhanceddadvsthekids
    • 1,226
    • RETWEETS
    Deurb1T_N_Crumpets_zazaz_Aldawg68DawgPound_DJcrunchenhanced24HourBitchingwhiskey_teacup
    joeljeffreyThe_Just_Factor1800Randy10InchesPlusjeffreyvanclea1I_Mee_Myself_palokineliserose5twayne1010ChazballparkThedudishTitansHomerLipglosslesboMyLongBalls
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet.

    • 1,643
    • FAVS
    JacksawyerrRubyTuesday17kookoozienaturesbabiluvSilleVioDeurb1TerribleTracy2imnotasian1994
    • 825
    • RETWEETS
    JacksawyerrDeurb1imnotasian1994crunchenhancedTellTheTruthYoGiddythefuckup24HourBitchingjohngaysee
    DJLIWIKZGeanina_26K__lvvzzJVarsityCaptainHerPinkRibbons
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    If I were immortal I would probably spend the next 200 years wasting my time on the internet.

    • 1,564
    • FAVS
    T_N_Crumpets_jennjenn_zazaz_crunchenhancedjohngayseelittledandeli0nDonerTacoBoritoxXSandriaXx
    • 591
    • RETWEETS
    _zazaz_hydrometerJohnnyBravo7297DawgPound_DJcrunchenhancedlittledandeli0nxXSandriaXxCelsoPiazzi
    ThateverydayguyMrsJekyllsHydeMr_goose007Elifcello9DaysOldsilent_musingssgtblueeyes
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I just read my own tweets and now I want to unfollow and block myself.

    • 1,208
    • FAVS
    HasanZedkiJessigatonathirhusseinFullMetalMommytexasstalkermomnyapplegirlShotgunWillie18GiParks
    • 525
    • RETWEETS
    hirenkaroliaalienxcunttexasstalkermomShotgunWillie18OutOnTheMoorsChrisBrown918rajeshpatekarOkieGirl405
    theshantillyjuneohara65
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I got so drunk last night I texted my current girlfriend instead of my ex.

    • 1,051
    • FAVS
    johngayseelittledandeli0nrnbny81djdarrellripleyrsmith9632LilBlueBloodGamersRespawnWhatevaConc
    • 525
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleyGamersRespawnEk__AkeladoralransonetbalasubramanianSuchAMisfitIgnorant_Indianarchangelcrew
    danrgraberLisabug74SuburbanComaKimKardashsToe
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Saying "Drink responsibly" is like saying "Penetrate respectfully"

    • 990
    • FAVS
    johngayseelittledandeli0ndjdarrellripleyrsmith9632WhatevaConclisaxy424doralransonetjbogdanowicz98
    • 575
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleydoralransonetIgnorant_IndianKissAndSighVaiteJjamilskie1No_tact_hereMatomeMotlouts1
    krissyerased______SoapyJohnsonMelvinofYork
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Love is when she won't shut the fuck up and you don't even want to kill her and dispose her body in a lake.

    • 849
    • FAVS
    johngayseedjdarrellripleyrsmith9632Pauline06081815LilBlueBloodGamersRespawnlisaxy424doralransonet
    • 338
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleyGamersRespawndoralransonetIgnorant_IndiandeedragonhunterBrittney_Nicnoneofyours99No_tact_here
    ReDHeaDeDTaRT____scotty_claydon__kamiekaymee__
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    You had me at unavailable.

    • 784
    • FAVS
    johngayseered121973littledandeli0ndjdarrellripleyrsmith9632LilBlueBloodlisaxy424doralransonet
    • 286
    • RETWEETS
    littledandeli0ndjdarrellripleydoralransonetIgnorant_Indiannoneofyours99No_tact_heresalamingiaChris0u24
    GroperClevelandStickyickyBunsSarcasmo718
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I had to use a Blackberry to check my mail. I pressed so many buttons that now I think I can fly a plane.

    • 747
    • FAVS
    djdarrellripleyrsmith9632LilBlueBlooddoralransonetIgnorant_Indiandeedragonhunterdru0887ChipKellysBalls
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleydoralransonetIgnorant_IndianFC2917No_tact_hereStephie_Larkawordforawordsunitamahapatra
    CruelMeiga
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Do you have to be funny to get stars around here or do I just have to draw a dick on my cat and tell you all about it?

    • 829
    • FAVS
    rnbny81djdarrellripleyrsmith9632LilBlueBloodlisaxy424doralransonetIgnorant_Indiandeedragonhunter
    • 159
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleydoralransonetIgnorant_IndianNymphSamnoneofyours99No_tact_herelauradru62Curly_gurl135
    KatarinaKriz
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nephew: What's love?

    Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink.

    Sister: Get away from him!

    • 590
    • FAVS
    johngayseedjdarrellripleyrsmith9632GamersRespawnsedlacek_90PenguinRobothatemyfingjobSTitusR
    • 379
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleyGamersRespawnPenguinRobotWhatevaConcdoralransonetIgnorant_IndianBatardNoirClosetAtheist39
    Doom_Jedi
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    When mom asked about Twitter I sent her a link to a web page with sounds of the birds from Costa Rica.
    I got everything under control.

    • 658
    • FAVS
    lovemesomekstewruraljulesdjdarrellripleyrsmith9632lisaxy424doralransonetIgnorant_Indianfreedom2726
    • 281
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historydjdarrellripleydoralransonetSuchAMisfitIgnorant_IndianNymphSamBatardNoirindolentneha
    HuttonGray
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.

    • 575
    • FAVS
    clsummsjoci2203ruraljulesdjdarrellripleylisaxy424doralransonetIgnorant_IndianJLazySAngus
    • 289
    • RETWEETS
    clsummsGerriBuddjoci2203ruraljulesdjdarrellripleydoralransonetIgnorant_Indianyomanlookin
    StrugglesBGbblovebug_00________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.

    • 642
    • FAVS
    littledandeli0ndjdarrellripleylisaxy424doralransonetIgnorant_IndiandeedragonhunterBatardNoirdru0887
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    littledandeli0ndjdarrellripleydoralransonetIgnorant_IndianBatardNoirAroushaIqbalnoneofyours99No_tact_here
    vaporcoffin
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    So the Pope opens a Twitter account 2 months ago and now he doesn't want to work.
    Coincidence? I think not.

    • 473
    • FAVS
    littledandeli0ndjdarrellripleyLilBlueBloodlisaxy424Ignorant_IndianJLazySAngusgreek2289indigofizz
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleyIgnorant_IndianNymphSamgreek2289indigofizzdeedragonhunterBatardNoirdreamlover4u15
    juneohara65so_amusedDannyjokesUrinElCakeswarmfeathersgoodballs
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    My mother sent me a 500+ characters joke via email like I'm some kinda caveman.

    • 609
    • FAVS
    djdarrellripleylisaxy424Ignorant_Indiandeedragonhunterdru0887noneofyours99ChipKellysBallsNo_tact_here
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    djdarrellripleyIgnorant_IndianMiz_Mental_Casenoneofyours99No_tact_hereCurly_gurl135UhhmIDontKnowdondraperrocks
    Writethatdown12joeljeffrey
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm not ignoring you.
    I'm just letting all the people around you know that they're a lot more important than you.

    • 541
    • FAVS
    24HourBitchinglisaxy424doralransonetIgnorant_IndianSofieSnyderRlpihldeedragonhunterBatardNoir
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    24HourBitchingdoralransonetIgnorant_IndianRlpihldanmatthews67Jennyy_LAMiz_Mental_CaseAroushaIqbal
    cathisamazingWhiteMale
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nice try girls who pretend to love sports, nice try.

    • 546
    • FAVS
    BadMikeyBadStayAtHomeWifeyabsintherunnerIzianikapaniwhiskey_teacuplisaxy424doralransonetIgnorant_Indian
    • 155
    • RETWEETS
    DickShotFirstIzianikapanidoralransonetIgnorant_IndianBatardNoirboredbeckywildnomad0312anchode
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Awww...My sobriety is so damn cute when it wants to compete with my alcoholism.

    • 474
    • FAVS
    lisaxy424Ignorant_Indiandru0887Gerapito007Jennyy_LAtheflipgodJohnnyBoy7634noneofyours99
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    Ignorant_IndianGerapito007theflipgodnoneofyours99ChipKellysBallsphalguyCurly_gurl135revious
    JizzIam__________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Hey romantic good guys, the last girl who fell for a poem died in Woodstock from an acid overdose back in 69.

    • 445
    • FAVS
    lisaxy424Ignorant_IndianBatardNoirdru0887ClosetAtheist39SomeGothanchodenoneofyours99
    • 109
    • RETWEETS
    Ignorant_IndianBatardNoirClosetAtheist39GOLD1EGLOCKSwildnomad0312noneofyours99phalguyLampMasterFlex
    kamiekaymee__schaeffyquake
@_correctomundo

@_correctomundo

I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet. http://favstar.fm/users/_correctomundo