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  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.

    • 2,174
    • FAVS
    OriginalCatsieellejizzerFrakkingAwesomeChet_KincaidrubeseatsinfogreebstreeblingAPANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18
    • 1,089
    • RETWEETS
    trumpthechumpgreebstreeblingbiblioteq_tressAPANCHALYPSENOWlucidchemistrybeateditjuneohara65itsmedon
    joeljeffreyThe_Just_Factor1800Randy10InchesPlusjeffreyvanclea1I_Mee_Myself_palokineliserose5twayne1010ChazballparkThedudishTitansHomerLipglosslesboMyLongBalls
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet.

    • 1,443
    • FAVS
    OriginalCatsieellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWlucidchemistryednotsowiseObscureGentDJV410lunasgarden_
    • 704
    • RETWEETS
    trumpthechumpAPANCHALYPSENOWlucidchemistrylunasgarden_getyourownaviddsmidtBrokeassmanDarkerWillow
    Geanina_26KlvvzzJVarsityCaptainHerPinkRibbons
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    If I were immortal I would probably spend the next 200 years wasting my time on the internet.

    • 1,472
    • FAVS
    ChilllSlutellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18lucidchemistryednotsowiseObscureGentDJV410
    • 540
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWlucidchemistrylunasgarden_getyourownaviJoeCoolNJMultitudes8McAttack88
    ThateverydayguyMrsJekyllsHydeMr_goose007Elifcello9DaysOldsilent_musingssgtblueeyes
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I just read my own tweets and now I want to unfollow and block myself.

    • 1,099
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18skernn23lucidchemistryObscureGentDJV410lunasgarden_
    • 458
    • RETWEETS
    APANCHALYPSENOWlucidchemistryDJV410lunasgarden_67orbustkylie_a_tddsmidtiLikeCatShirts
    shashaintljuneohara65
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Saying "Drink responsibly" is like saying "Penetrate respectfully"

    • 906
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerJayGibbs_APANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18lucidchemistrydragon_lexiDJV410lunasgarden_
    • 520
    • RETWEETS
    APANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18lucidchemistryDJV410lunasgarden_DumbCatFaceskremineagleA_Commandant
    krissyerased______SoapyJohnsonMelvinofYork
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I got so drunk last night I texted my current girlfriend instead of my ex.

    • 942
    • FAVS
    trumpthechumpellejizzerjslumboAPANCHALYPSENOWrachelfranziaCali420nia_Lukeblu_daisiesawakenlibrarian
    • 462
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOW15KimberleyMegVaMejologzjuneohara65lunasgarden_luvchil67
    danrgraberLisabug74SuburbanComaKimKardashsToe
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Love is when she won't shut the fuck up and you don't even want to kill her and dispose her body in a lake.

    • 793
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18STONERSONSAssGrassorHashdragon_lexiDJV410lunasgarden_
    • 317
    • RETWEETS
    STONERSONSAssGrassorHashDJV410lunasgarden_JoeCoolNJzachv86HideUnderHereGeanina_26K
    ReDHeaDeDTaRT____scotty_claydonkamiekaymee__
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I had to use a Blackberry to check my mail. I pressed so many buttons that now I think I can fly a plane.

    • 705
    • FAVS
    Tracey_Ann_Citsme1958winstonrealtorJediWhore77jimmorrow1965Letmebethepearlnoneofyours99ellejizzer
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    noneofyours99ellejizzerjuneohara65BipolarNaziDangerLuvr83CaveChuckcave68rebeccarocksyouJenny4ashley
    CruelMeiga
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    You had me at unavailable.

    • 707
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWDJV410sweetg35lunasgarden__Ms_Moneypenny_M3lissaMcDonald67orbust
    • 241
    • RETWEETS
    APANCHALYPSENOWlunasgarden_pinkonediaries77Kit10S8804classickrispyBredwhGeanina_26K
    GroperClevelandStickyickyBunsSarcasmo718
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Do you have to be funny to get stars around here or do I just have to draw a dick on my cat and tell you all about it?

    • 792
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18juneohara65DJV410lunasgarden__Ms_Moneypenny_67orbust
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    juneohara65DJV410lunasgarden_zachv86Geanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZYawordforaword
    KatarinaKriz
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nephew: What's love?

    Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink.

    Sister: Get away from him!

    • 536
    • FAVS
    trumpthechumpellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWMayYouMe18lunasgarden_luuloosmybigblondelifeJoeCoolNJ
    • 353
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWlunasgarden_luuloos_Ms_Moneypenny_JoeCoolNJBredwhGeanina_26K
    Doom_Jedi
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    When mom asked about Twitter I sent her a link to a web page with sounds of the birds from Costa Rica.
    I got everything under control.

    • 598
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOW24skidoocelestinelea90MsErinMurraylunasgarden__Ms_Moneypenny_M3lissaMcDonald
    • 248
    • RETWEETS
    juneohara65lunasgarden_ddsmidtJoeCoolNJ1angleloveCanadianMclovinBredwhminnie_in_pink7
    HuttonGray
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.

    • 607
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWJuggalotus209DJV410ShanaRose21lunasgarden_ODeadInsidepoppy_daydreams
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    Violent2Dope304ShanaRose21lunasgarden_stickboy530protolaliajuneohara65LuvPugdavid_tull
    vaporcoffin
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    My mother sent me a 500+ characters joke via email like I'm some kinda caveman.

    • 580
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerFrakkingAwesomeAPANCHALYPSENOWjuneohara65DJV410lunasgarden_ddsmidtCanadianMclovin
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    ellejizzerjuneohara65lunasgarden_ddsmidtBredwhGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYmeganyyb
    Writethatdown12joeljeffrey
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.

    • 472
    • FAVS
    trumpthechumpellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWlllvvvzzzAssGrassorHashcfishingdragon_lexiwitlessnameless
    • 223
    • RETWEETS
    lllvvvzzzcfishingAssGrassorHasheliserose5DJV410lunasgarden_ddsmidtGeanina_26K
    StrugglesBGbblovebug_00________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    So the Pope opens a Twitter account 2 months ago and now he doesn't want to work.
    Coincidence? I think not.

    • 432
    • FAVS
    FrakkingAwesomeAPANCHALYPSENOWDJV410bjdjtexbizNinja_Soup_ShanaRose21lunasgarden__Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 250
    • RETWEETS
    APANCHALYPSENOWbjdjtexbizkselew__ShanaRose21lunasgarden_67orbustGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZY
    juneohara65so_amusedDannyjokesUrinElCakeswarmfeathersgoodballs
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm not ignoring you.
    I'm just letting all the people around you know that they're a lot more important than you.

    • 501
    • FAVS
    5klp471trumpthechumpellejizzerFrakkingAwesomeAPANCHALYPSENOWScarsFourEyeslunasgarden_Carlabotomy
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    kv8lunasgarden_ksk_stephaniegeniuskhanMaryamAhmadFTripson8ajsextro_Ms_Moneypenny_
    cathisamazingWhiteMale
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nice try girls who pretend to love sports, nice try.

    • 506
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWDJV410lunasgarden__Ms_Moneypenny_aKhalifa101M3lissaMcDonalda_olivia4212
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    APANCHALYPSENOWlunasgarden_Geanina_26KBrandall_Shirodee_Belleronoescalonaelizabe_JayElly
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Awww...My sobriety is so damn cute when it wants to compete with my alcoholism.

    • 443
    • FAVS
    ellejizzerAPANCHALYPSENOWDJV410lunasgarden_M3lissaMcDonald67orbusty2kaineCanadianMclovin
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    lunasgarden_67orbustzachv86Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYklg1193Nahdude83DJVanEvery
    JizzIam__________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Hey romantic good guys, the last girl who fell for a poem died in Woodstock from an acid overdose back in 69.

    • 418
    • FAVS
    28melanymanasAPANCHALYPSENOWDani_568lyndsey_hatchDJV410Fredzipfelsswartz722protolalia
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    28melanymanasAPANCHALYPSENOWDani_568kv8amycook1939protolalialunasgarden_simonrycroft
    kamiekaymee__schaeffyquake
@_correctomundo

@_correctomundo

I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet. Snapchat: charliegil