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  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.

    • 1,862
    • FAVS
    polarbear52710WickedRapunzelBadMikeyBadRealJinjaNinjaMuhammedHariririptide475LittleeLauraaawintertanlines
    • 869
    • RETWEETS
    polarbear52710WickedRapunzelBadMikeyBadRealJinjaNinjaUpWitCreekmoseletsanerankingTweetsnicoleroach14
    1800Randy10InchesPlusjeffreyvanclea1I_Mee_Myself_palokineliserose5twayne1010ChazballparkThedudishTitansHomerLipglosslesboMyLongBalls
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet.

    • 1,253
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinjabridge415BaBySnAtchinGriptide475kelcfrankLittleeLauraaakillybean88DeanOkay
    • 592
    • RETWEETS
    KimKharwastanRealJinjaNinjaClairebear19751prof_Neutronium254_Rosegabrielleutleypleasestandby_lllvvvzzz
    lvvzzJVarsityCaptainHerPinkRibbons
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    If I were immortal I would probably spend the next 200 years wasting my time on the internet.

    • 1,365
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinjaejmichaels1bridge415imcorinnemecstaceyxx27_mSAWLittleeLauraaaHollyMemphis
    • 475
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaejmichaels1x_temptress_xstaceyxx27_mSAWKjellAbrahamsenBlogmonsternetLizzie2249
    MrsJekyllsHydeMr_goose007Elifcello9DaysOldsilent_musingsSgtBlueEyes
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I just read my own tweets and now I want to unfollow and block myself.

    • 947
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinja1800RandyviciousbabydollCaelydrobraneSunnySideUp1987SubliminalMessyoufukinwish72RICH72
    • 387
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaviciousbabydollAceMcNarnaCaelydrobraneSunnySideUp1987youfukinwish72RICH72lazydoxy
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Saying "Drink responsibly" is like saying "Penetrate respectfully"

    • 795
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinjadkherlihyUpWitCreekPsycholystMatthewRoy101800Randynatashareemaviciousbabydoll
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaaharv39UpWitCreekThe_ONE_Adrian1800RandyviciousbabydollSunnySideUp198772RICH72
    krissyerased______SoapyJohnsonMelvinofYork
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I got so drunk last night I texted my current girlfriend instead of my ex.

    • 734
    • FAVS
    imamunterRealJinjaNinja1800Randy_ConductLuvPugpmc2028SunnySideUp1987SubliminalMess
    • 359
    • RETWEETS
    imamunterRealJinjaNinjapmc2028SunnySideUp1987MizParkerrjustussteellazydoxykbai963__________
    SuburbanComaKimKardashsToe
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Love is when she won't shut the fuck up and you don't even want to kill her and dispose her body in a lake.

    • 707
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinjaejmichaels1natashareemaMsDelinquentviciousbabydollbobw1o_sarah_nelson_SunnySideUp1987
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaejmichaels1viciousbabydollSunnySideUp1987randomlady74thelovelyshirlebobbygeorge413technochtitlan_
    ReDHeaDeDTaRT____scotty_claydonkamiekaymee
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Do you have to be funny to get stars around here or do I just have to draw a dick on my cat and tell you all about it?

    • 728
    • FAVS
    BadMikeyBadRealJinjaNinja1800RandySunnySideUp1987AceMcNarnaMizParkerrSissiSayellenguilia
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    BadMikeyBadRealJinjaNinjaAceMcNarnajustussteellazydoxyiwearaonesieDaddy_dougieRedright_88
    KatarinaKriz
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I had to use a Blackberry to check my mail. I pressed so many buttons that now I think I can fly a plane.

    • 616
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinjaSunnySideUp1987MizParkerrellenguiliajustussteelLilWahineGidgetshrlyujstlazydoxy
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaMizParkerrnjokispeakinglazydoxyZindagidopalkeeiBakwasSerwatKhursheedTheRealSnorky
    CruelMeiga
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    You had me at unavailable.

    • 618
    • FAVS
    MsDelinquentviciousbabydolldno42texasstalkermomSunnySideUp1987ManvAlcoholMizParkerrLilWahineGidget
    • 198
    • RETWEETS
    MsDelinquentviciousbabydollSunnySideUp1987AceMcNarnaMizParkerrnjokispeakingfavstar_historylazydoxy
    GroperClevelandStickyickyBunsSarcasmo718
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nephew: What's love?

    Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink.

    Sister: Get away from him!

    • 447
    • FAVS
    ejmichaels1Lakeoconeebldr1800RandystampEtrampMizParkerrellenguiliajustussteelRichBeingRich
    • 308
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1sixmileMizParkerrellenguiliaTrancedKnightIamMichelleAnnalazydoxyTheSatanSays
    Doom_Jedi
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    When mom asked about Twitter I sent her a link to a web page with sounds of the birds from Costa Rica.
    I got everything under control.

    • 510
    • FAVS
    SubliminalMessMizParkerrSissiSaymisugrrlCntryCurlsbutterfly_punchjustussteelRocZac
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    MizParkerrSAbdolazimininjamoose101cbahorizejrmrbuster60kbai963__________D_WhooreDaddy_dougie
    TarzanFeathers
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.

    • 507
    • FAVS
    SubliminalMessMizParkerrjustussteelRichBeingRichLilWahineGidgetDaddy_dougiebriganzsKanazBadazz
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    LilWahineGidgetkbai963__________Daddy_dougienanilizingeinsteinsexualDefinitiveDavidAlongCameAnjaRolltide_mn
    RitleySammich
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    My mother sent me a 500+ characters joke via email like I'm some kinda caveman.

    • 525
    • FAVS
    ejmichaels11800RandyMizParkerrSissiSayjustussteelLilWahineGidgetDaddy_dougieKanazBadazz
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1justussteelDaddy_dougieThatDangIndianwildshadomermaidblowjobsrantingmdnolar_bear
    Writethatdown12joeljeffrey
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    So the Pope opens a Twitter account 2 months ago and now he doesn't want to work.
    Coincidence? I think not.

    • 372
    • FAVS
    1800RandyMsDelinquentgeeky_farmerMizParkerrSissiSaymrbuster60LilWahineGidgetFoodyDoc
    • 229
    • RETWEETS
    geeky_farmerMizParkerrDorkyEinsteinaada_Punjabikbai963__________Daddy_dougiekcMcCowgirldinnersruined
    so_amusedDannyjokesUrinElCakeswarmfeathersgoodballs
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.

    • 388
    • FAVS
    1800RandyjustussteelLilWahineGidgetColletteLongridDaddy_dougieKanazBadazz__iCE_CREAM__SoWeirditsCool
    • 192
    • RETWEETS
    justussteelkbai963__________Daddy_dougieTweetTheDudenanilizingeinsteinsexualJayson_Two_timeBig_G0TTI
    StrugglesBGbblovebug_00________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nice try girls who pretend to love sports, nice try.

    • 450
    • FAVS
    justussteelRichBeingRichLilWahineGidgetbuuggaaaaDaddy_dougieKanazBadazzmermaidblowjobsTweetTheDude
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    kbai963__________Daddy_dougienanilizingeinsteinsexualMissMalbecFruitOfTheLoinrodtopiasharkies3
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm not ignoring you.
    I'm just letting all the people around you know that they're a lot more important than you.

    • 444
    • FAVS
    geeky_farmerMizParkerrLilWahineGidgetColletteLongridSli8ly_ObtuseDaddy_dougieKanazBadazz__iCE_CREAM__
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    geeky_farmerMizParkerrkbai963__________Daddy_dougieTheMonaKhalifaTweetTheDudesauvisinghdubld65
    WhiteMale
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Awww...My sobriety is so damn cute when it wants to compete with my alcoholism.

    • 401
    • FAVS
    Shaver282MizParkerrjustussteelLilWahineGidgetDaddy_dougieKanazBadazzCaroleHaworth1TweetTheDude
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    Shaver282Daddy_dougienolar_bearmystic_escapeJayson_Two_timehogrider05TheAlexNevilCountMackula
    JizzIam__________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Hey romantic good guys, the last girl who fell for a poem died in Woodstock from an acid overdose back in 69.

    • 370
    • FAVS
    1800RandyMizParkerrLilWahineGidgetShaeAaronDaddy_dougieKanazBadazz__iCE_CREAM__mermaidblowjobs
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    kbai963__________Daddy_dougieTBagginRedNektammy8816RobertJCooneyEllT4Juuknowmen_erc
    kamiekaymeeschaeffyquake
@_correctomundo

@_correctomundo

I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet. Snapchat: charliegil