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  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.

    • 2,147
    • FAVS
    ddsmidtEricWCurtin8BallerJOreoSpeedwagon_tiizzzycalluptomesarahspikeya_olivia4212
    • 1,072
    • RETWEETS
    ddsmidt69shadesoftaarTheEricDoanDejaEntendu815DearAbbySimonMiz_Mental_CaseitzJohnnyReilly1anglelove
    joeljeffreyThe_Just_Factor1800Randy10InchesPlusjeffreyvanclea1I_Mee_Myself_palokineliserose5twayne1010ChazballparkThedudishTitansHomerLipglosslesboMyLongBalls
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet.

    • 1,432
    • FAVS
    BlackCheesePieddsmidtBrokeassmansophied40CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyiLikeCatShirtsMalcontent8
    • 699
    • RETWEETS
    ddsmidtBrokeassmanDarkerWillowMcAttack88Bredwhjkstills900_hpGeanina_26K
    Geanina_26KlvvzzJVarsityCaptainHerPinkRibbons
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    If I were immortal I would probably spend the next 200 years wasting my time on the internet.

    • 1,462
    • FAVS
    JoeCoolNJCanadianMclovinMalcontent8DumbCatFacezachv86McAttack88green_eyed_dollmidgebiscuit
    • 535
    • RETWEETS
    JoeCoolNJMalcontent8McAttack88skremineaglemidgebiscuitgaston_marianShanaRose21DysfunctionalCJ
    ThateverydayguyMrsJekyllsHydeMr_goose007Elifcello9DaysOldsilent_musingssgtblueeyes
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I just read my own tweets and now I want to unfollow and block myself.

    • 1,088
    • FAVS
    DearAbbySimonddsmidta_olivia4212CanadianMcloviniLikeCatShirtsMalcontent8zachv86McAttack88
    • 453
    • RETWEETS
    kylie_a_tddsmidtiLikeCatShirtsDumbCatFaceMcAttack88Bredwhsataylor2908A_Commandant
    shashaintljuneohara65
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Saying "Drink responsibly" is like saying "Penetrate respectfully"

    • 895
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86Bredwhsachi_bbsrgreen_eyed_dollskremineaglecrawfoc99
    • 515
    • RETWEETS
    DumbCatFaceskremineagleA_CommandantIzianikapani900_hpGeanina_26KRealShaughnabsentmorris
    krissyerased______SoapyJohnsonMelvinofYork
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I got so drunk last night I texted my current girlfriend instead of my ex.

    • 919
    • FAVS
    ddsmidtCanadianMclovinsixfootcandyCapeTownBlondepunkinsopesaucydalekMalcontent8Bredwh
    • 450
    • RETWEETS
    ddsmidtCapeTownBlondeperhapssomedayMalcontent8BredwhIzianikapaniGeanina_26KMissing_point
    danrgraberLisabug74SuburbanComaKimKardashsToe
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Love is when she won't shut the fuck up and you don't even want to kill her and dispose her body in a lake.

    • 785
    • FAVS
    JoeCoolNJCanadianMclovinzachv86HideUnderHereGeanina_26KSavannah_McPdanrgrabergrantmeawishh
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    JoeCoolNJzachv86HideUnderHereGeanina_26KRealShaughnSavannah_McPUGANDANCRAZYThe1OnlyWBR
    ReDHeaDeDTaRT____scotty_claydonkamiekaymee__
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    You had me at unavailable.

    • 699
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86SenoritaPuddingpinkonediaries77Kit10sttepherzmdob11
    • 239
    • RETWEETS
    pinkonediaries77Kit10S8804krispythehumanBredwhGeanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZY
    GroperClevelandStickyickyBunsSarcasmo718
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Do you have to be funny to get stars around here or do I just have to draw a dick on my cat and tell you all about it?

    • 784
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86BredwhGeanina_26KdanrgraberGrnjelloScrambledMceggs
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    zachv86Geanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZYawordforawordattheUCJasmin_TattsPuuhduFerkel
    KatarinaKriz
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I had to use a Blackberry to check my mail. I pressed so many buttons that now I think I can fly a plane.

    • 682
    • FAVS
    ddsmidtCanadianMclovinPeevishGeezerBredwhmarvelousCaraHiddleDeeDeeGeanina_26K_sxlla
    • 238
    • RETWEETS
    ddsmidtBredwhHiddleDeeDeeGeanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZYmeganyybNotThatKunal
    CruelMeiga
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nephew: What's love?

    Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink.

    Sister: Get away from him!

    • 529
    • FAVS
    JoeCoolNJa_olivia4212CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyBredwhamyjcordovaGeanina_26KSteakdownStreet
    • 348
    • RETWEETS
    JoeCoolNJBredwhGeanina_26KSteakdownStreetHiddleDeeDeeRealShaughntoriboyer_aldoonery
    Doom_Jedi
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    When mom asked about Twitter I sent her a link to a web page with sounds of the birds from Costa Rica.
    I got everything under control.

    • 590
    • FAVS
    ddsmidtJoeCoolNJAmyplexyi8purplecheeseDejaEntendu815CanadianMclovinzachv86Bredwh
    • 246
    • RETWEETS
    ddsmidtJoeCoolNJ1angleloveCanadianMclovinBredwhminnie_in_pink7Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZY
    HuttonGray
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.

    • 571
    • FAVS
    JoeCoolNJCanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86amyjcordovaBad_Episodecrum_dannyGeanina_26K
    • 149
    • RETWEETS
    JoeCoolNJGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYCiaraMarie808LaniBenojustwanttobeme3kaymcdermAGreaterMonster
    vaporcoffin
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    My mother sent me a 500+ characters joke via email like I'm some kinda caveman.

    • 574
    • FAVS
    ddsmidtCanadianMclovinzachv86BredwhGeanina_26KdanrgrabermeganyybLaniBeno
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    ddsmidtBredwhGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYmeganyybDJVanEveryits_trishZombie_Kit
    Writethatdown12joeljeffrey
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.

    • 457
    • FAVS
    kristibrinsonddsmidta_olivia4212CanadianMclovinzachv86amyjcordovaGeanina_26Kcollard_justin
    • 217
    • RETWEETS
    ddsmidtGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYnztheworddangerousd111DJVanEveryawordforawordGinaTaylor84
    StrugglesBGbblovebug_00________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    So the Pope opens a Twitter account 2 months ago and now he doesn't want to work.
    Coincidence? I think not.

    • 423
    • FAVS
    Malcontent8zachv86Geanina_26KdanrgrabermeganyybRestenfieldSandytweetsherepossibilyss
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYpossibilyssGinaTaylor84its_trishSpankMeIm0tyrabbithole423DrDweezil
    juneohara65so_amusedDannyjokesUrinElCakeswarmfeathersgoodballs
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nice try girls who pretend to love sports, nice try.

    • 499
    • FAVS
    a_olivia4212CanadianMclovinzachv86sayitasitgoesJD_KCGeanina_26KkeelyrianneNatalyaSini
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    Geanina_26KBrandall_Shirodee_Belleronoescalonaelizabe_JayEllycheeznvtzUGANDANCRAZY
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm not ignoring you.
    I'm just letting all the people around you know that they're a lot more important than you.

    • 486
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyMalcontent8zachv86Geanina_26Kdanrgraberdangerousd111grantmeawishh
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    y2kainezachv86simpliLUCYGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYqwertyingcathisamazinghilaryfairie
    cathisamazingWhiteMale
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Awww...My sobriety is so damn cute when it wants to compete with my alcoholism.

    • 437
    • FAVS
    y2kaineCanadianMclovinzachv86Bad_EpisodeGeanina_26Kfedericosanche8danrgraberdangerousd111
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    zachv86Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYklg1193Nahdude83DJVanEveryfavstar_historyhelado721
    JizzIam__________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Hey romantic good guys, the last girl who fell for a poem died in Woodstock from an acid overdose back in 69.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    JoeCoolNJa_olivia4212CanadianMclovinzachv86LaniBenoAGreaterMonsterRestenfieldjordan_stratton
    • 83
    • RETWEETS
    JoeCoolNJUGANDANCRAZYjohnnybugeyeshelado721SugaspunMistaVanaddaskwirkyKerriTa_Leb
    kamiekaymee__schaeffyquake
@_correctomundo

@_correctomundo

I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet. Snapchat: charliegil