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  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.

    • 2,138
    • FAVS
    DejaEntendu815DearAbbySimonbright_eyes_23ChrisKirouacthepopcornninjajkramblestatianaangelineAlphey
    • 1,070
    • RETWEETS
    TheEricDoanDejaEntendu815DearAbbySimonMiz_Mental_CaseitzJohnnyReilly1anglelovepopcorngoddess1CanadianMclovin
    joeljeffreyThe_Just_Factor1800Randy10InchesPlusjeffreyvanclea1I_Mee_Myself_palokineliserose5twayne1010ChazballparkThedudishTitansHomerLipglosslesboMyLongBalls
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet.

    • 1,428
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyiLikeCatShirtsMalcontent8zachv86McAttack88Bredwhsaf024
    • 696
    • RETWEETS
    McAttack88Bredwhjkstills900_hpGeanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZYdanrgraber
    Geanina_26KlvvzzJVarsityCaptainHerPinkRibbons
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    If I were immortal I would probably spend the next 200 years wasting my time on the internet.

    • 1,461
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinMalcontent8DumbCatFacezachv86McAttack88green_eyed_dollmidgebiscuitWHEREISWALTJNR
    • 534
    • RETWEETS
    Malcontent8McAttack88skremineaglemidgebiscuitgaston_marianShanaRose21DysfunctionalCJIzianikapani
    ThateverydayguyMrsJekyllsHydeMr_goose007Elifcello9DaysOldsilent_musingssgtblueeyes
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I just read my own tweets and now I want to unfollow and block myself.

    • 1,085
    • FAVS
    CanadianMcloviniLikeCatShirtsMalcontent8zachv86McAttack88Bredwhgreen_eyed_dollskremineagle
    • 451
    • RETWEETS
    iLikeCatShirtsDumbCatFaceMcAttack88Bredwhsataylor2908A_CommandantDysfunctionalCJIzianikapani
    shashaintljuneohara65
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Saying "Drink responsibly" is like saying "Penetrate respectfully"

    • 895
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86Bredwhsachi_bbsrgreen_eyed_dollskremineaglecrawfoc99
    • 515
    • RETWEETS
    DumbCatFaceskremineagleA_CommandantIzianikapani900_hpGeanina_26KRealShaughnabsentmorris
    krissyerased______SoapyJohnsonMelvinofYork
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I got so drunk last night I texted my current girlfriend instead of my ex.

    • 918
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyCapeTownBlondepunkinsopesaucydalekMalcontent8Bredwhsachi_bbsr
    • 449
    • RETWEETS
    CapeTownBlondeperhapssomedayMalcontent8BredwhIzianikapaniGeanina_26KMissing_pointUGANDANCRAZY
    danrgraberLisabug74SuburbanComaKimKardashsToe
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Love is when she won't shut the fuck up and you don't even want to kill her and dispose her body in a lake.

    • 784
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinzachv86HideUnderHereGeanina_26KSavannah_McPdanrgrabergrantmeawishhDJVanEvery
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    zachv86HideUnderHereGeanina_26KRealShaughnSavannah_McPUGANDANCRAZYThe1OnlyWBRdark_butter_fly
    ReDHeaDeDTaRT____scotty_claydonkamiekaymee__
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    You had me at unavailable.

    • 699
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86SenoritaPuddingpinkonediaries77Kit10sttepherzmdob11
    • 239
    • RETWEETS
    pinkonediaries77Kit10S8804krispysticksBredwhGeanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZY
    GroperClevelandStickyickyBunsSarcasmo718
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Do you have to be funny to get stars around here or do I just have to draw a dick on my cat and tell you all about it?

    • 784
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86BredwhGeanina_26KdanrgraberGrnjelloScrambledMceggs
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    zachv86Geanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZYawordforawordattheUCJasmin_TattsPuuhduFerkel
    KatarinaKriz
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I had to use a Blackberry to check my mail. I pressed so many buttons that now I think I can fly a plane.

    • 681
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinPeevishGeezerBredwhmarvelousCaraHiddleDeeDeeGeanina_26K_sxlladanrgraber
    • 237
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhHiddleDeeDeeGeanina_26KRealShaughnUGANDANCRAZYmeganyybNotThatKunalTySmithdrums
    CruelMeiga
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nephew: What's love?

    Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink.

    Sister: Get away from him!

    • 527
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyBredwhamyjcordovaGeanina_26KSteakdownStreetHiddleDeeDeeKaitmaaate_
    • 347
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhGeanina_26KSteakdownStreetHiddleDeeDeeRealShaughntoriboyer_aldoonerySupasavagei
    Doom_Jedi
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    When mom asked about Twitter I sent her a link to a web page with sounds of the birds from Costa Rica.
    I got everything under control.

    • 588
    • FAVS
    Amyplexyi8purplecheeseDejaEntendu815CanadianMclovinzachv86Bredwhminnie_in_pink7Geanina_26K
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    1angleloveCanadianMclovinBredwhminnie_in_pink7Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYawordforawordLifeStricken
    HuttonGray
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.

    • 570
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyzachv86amyjcordovaBad_Episodecrum_dannyGeanina_26Kcollard_justin
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYCiaraMarie808LaniBenojustwanttobeme3kaymcdermAGreaterMonsteryurdoor
    vaporcoffin
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    My mother sent me a 500+ characters joke via email like I'm some kinda caveman.

    • 573
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinzachv86BredwhGeanina_26KdanrgrabermeganyybLaniBenoAGreaterMonster
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYmeganyybDJVanEveryits_trishZombie_KitBlunt_Sarcastic
    Writethatdown12joeljeffrey
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.

    • 454
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinzachv86amyjcordovaGeanina_26Kcollard_justindanrgrabermadmadhobbitnztheword
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYnztheworddangerousd111DJVanEveryawordforawordGinaTaylor84its_trish
    StrugglesBGbblovebug_00________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    So the Pope opens a Twitter account 2 months ago and now he doesn't want to work.
    Coincidence? I think not.

    • 423
    • FAVS
    Malcontent8zachv86Geanina_26KdanrgrabermeganyybRestenfieldSandytweetsherepossibilyss
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYpossibilyssGinaTaylor84its_trishSpankMeIm0tyrabbithole423DrDweezil
    juneohara65so_amusedDannyjokesUrinElCakeswarmfeathersgoodballs
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nice try girls who pretend to love sports, nice try.

    • 498
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinzachv86sayitasitgoesJD_KCGeanina_26KkeelyrianneNatalyaSini4ScoreN20Bowls
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    Geanina_26KBrandall_Shirodee_Belleronoescalonaelizabe_JayEllycheeznvtzUGANDANCRAZY
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm not ignoring you.
    I'm just letting all the people around you know that they're a lot more important than you.

    • 486
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinsixfootcandyMalcontent8zachv86Geanina_26Kdanrgraberdangerousd111grantmeawishh
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    y2kainezachv86simpliLUCYGeanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYqwertyingcathisamazinghilaryfairie
    cathisamazingWhiteMale
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Awww...My sobriety is so damn cute when it wants to compete with my alcoholism.

    • 437
    • FAVS
    y2kaineCanadianMclovinzachv86Bad_EpisodeGeanina_26Kfedericosanche8danrgraberdangerousd111
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    zachv86Geanina_26KUGANDANCRAZYklg1193Nahdude83DJVanEveryfavstar_historyhelado721
    JizzIam__________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Hey romantic good guys, the last girl who fell for a poem died in Woodstock from an acid overdose back in 69.

    • 401
    • FAVS
    CanadianMclovinzachv86LaniBenoAGreaterMonsterRestenfieldjordan_strattonSandytweetshereBoo_berries_
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYjohnnybugeyeshelado721SugaspunMistaVanaddaskwirkyKerriTa_Lebppattersonjax
    kamiekaymee__schaeffyquake
@_correctomundo

@_correctomundo

I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet. Snapchat: charliegil