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  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.

    • 2,270
    • FAVS
    1bastardangelClarkeMcMakinshimmalaCurly_gurl135meddlinkidZombie_KitdrunknerdproDre07Rach
    • 1,159
    • RETWEETS
    shimmaladthur3232Curly_gurl135Zombie_KitanerdonfireKayFitzpatric13YearwoodFan70tcg_jr
    joeljeffreyThe_Just_Factor1800Randy10InchesPlusjeffreyvanclea1I_Mee_Myself_palokineliserose5twayne1010ChazballparkThedudishTitansHomerLipglosslesboMyLongBalls
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet.

    • 1,532
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl1351bastardangelfakingoviiinkedZombieboredom_killzZombie_Kitlouiseshannon8MelanieGonzalez
    • 767
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135AshleyM724iinkedZombiereemawangboredom_killzZombie_KitSnehaNaidulouiseshannon8
    DJLIWIKZGeanina_26K__lvvzzJVarsityCaptainHerPinkRibbons
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    If I were immortal I would probably spend the next 200 years wasting my time on the internet.

    • 1,521
    • FAVS
    shimmala1bastardangeltotalanimefandrunknerdprodeutschheuteraddadsIGanerdonfiregears_4_me
    • 568
    • RETWEETS
    shimmalaCurly_gurl135anerdonfireKayFitzpatric13carlielynbrain_omenlatte_drama_MrPr0_
    ThateverydayguyMrsJekyllsHydeMr_goose007Elifcello9DaysOldsilent_musingssgtblueeyes
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I just read my own tweets and now I want to unfollow and block myself.

    • 1,141
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl135tddfnmerican_ninjyPee_And_GigglesFickle_FillytiReynardsea_of_secrets1RohitKohli236
    • 485
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135kjmathisHiJCPmerican_ninjyIcanbabitchRohitKohli236AsonUnique4evaUhhmIDontKnow
    shashaintljuneohara65
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Saying "Drink responsibly" is like saying "Penetrate respectfully"

    • 954
    • FAVS
    shimmala1bastardangelgears_4_memerican_ninjynovicefatherskeetssPee_And_GigglesI_Disdain
    • 559
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135gears_4_meEaton_BeavertomymadnessnovicefathereatmyjesusjuiceGo2SlpJohnBechard
    krissyerased______SoapyJohnsonMelvinofYork
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I got so drunk last night I texted my current girlfriend instead of my ex.

    • 993
    • FAVS
    Section8jrCurly_gurl135johnniesmith6mega_bytedani_nadinekrismccrarybohokelsoGoofyGemini
    • 488
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135mega_bytebohokelsoakatinamarieLoveMyScionFRSmerican_ninjyMind_fukktiReynard
    danrgraberLisabug74SuburbanComaKimKardashsToe
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Love is when she won't shut the fuck up and you don't even want to kill her and dispose her body in a lake.

    • 826
    • FAVS
    shimmalaCurly_gurl1351bastardangelmerican_ninjyPee_And_GigglesFickle_FillytiReynardHello_YouHadMe
    • 330
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135Kris_Warmar_lee_just1foolRohitKohli236jeffreyvanclea1UhhmIDontKnowsirmunchie
    ReDHeaDeDTaRT____scotty_claydon__kamiekaymee__
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    You had me at unavailable.

    • 750
    • FAVS
    shimmalaCurly_gurl135meddlinkid1bastardangelmega_bytecozbelligerentbohokelsoJenni_Beth
    • 272
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135OkieGirl405Jenni_Bethmerican_ninjyMind_fukkStromboliColeybullitt6454whatfuckingevur
    GroperClevelandStickyickyBunsSarcasmo718
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I had to use a Blackberry to check my mail. I pressed so many buttons that now I think I can fly a plane.

    • 732
    • FAVS
    shimmalasunitamahapatrajafco_1Curly_gurl1351bastardangelmerican_ninjyPee_And_GigglesFickle_Filly
    • 259
    • RETWEETS
    sunitamahapatrajafco_1Curly_gurl135tiReynardjust1foolkcMcCowgirlUhhmIDontKnowsirmunchie
    CruelMeiga
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Do you have to be funny to get stars around here or do I just have to draw a dick on my cat and tell you all about it?

    • 812
    • FAVS
    shimmalaCurly_gurl135merican_ninjyPee_And_GigglesFickle_FillytiReynarddebbiepsychUhhmIDontKnow
    • 152
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135UhhmIDontKnowsirmunchieSalmaElWardany1dondraperrocksDJLIWIKZjuneohara65DJV410
    KatarinaKriz
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nephew: What's love?

    Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink.

    Sister: Get away from him!

    • 561
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl135gears_4_memerican_ninjynovicefatherFickle_FillyscootiekkZombie_KitKaiTheLoser
    • 367
    • RETWEETS
    sarahmerie17Curly_gurl135gears_4_metiReynardUhhmIDontKnowsirmunchieSalmaElWardany1TheLizardKing87
    Doom_Jedi
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    When mom asked about Twitter I sent her a link to a web page with sounds of the birds from Costa Rica.
    I got everything under control.

    • 627
    • FAVS
    shimmalaCurly_gurl135Mind_fukkmerican_ninjyPee_And_Gigglessgtblueeyesscootiekkashhhbrooke
    • 263
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135Mind_fukkscootiekkUhhmIDontKnowJackandpeleSureshMKothariJaduiPariDeepakRai_
    HuttonGray
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced.

    • 627
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl1351bastardangelmerican_ninjyPee_And_GigglesFickle_FillytiReynardUhhmIDontKnowhaykshan
    • 175
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135OkieGirl405merican_ninjyUhhmIDontKnowJaduiParioOo_aly_oOoDeepakRai_SalmaElWardany1
    vaporcoffin
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex.

    • 521
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl1351bastardangelroxaroodwBrianIncognitoZombie_KitmikeswaggnerColinTheHumanLittleLostPixie
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135kv8Zombie_KitmarshmalotoastColinTheHumanLittleLostPixieFairyValerieiMayaK_
    StrugglesBGbblovebug_00________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    My mother sent me a 500+ characters joke via email like I'm some kinda caveman.

    • 598
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl135merican_ninjynovicefatherPee_And_GiggleskcMcCowgirldebbiepsychreviousUhhmIDontKnow
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135UhhmIDontKnowdondraperrocksObscureTrevorObscureGentTlaxBoy05ellejizzerjuneohara65
    Writethatdown12joeljeffrey
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    So the Pope opens a Twitter account 2 months ago and now he doesn't want to work.
    Coincidence? I think not.

    • 450
    • FAVS
    shimmalaCurly_gurl1351bastardangelgears_4_memerican_ninjynovicefatherPee_And_GigglestiReynard
    • 258
    • RETWEETS
    shimmalanoe85rwcCurly_gurl135Pee_And_GigglesUhhmIDontKnowSalmaElWardany1dondraperrocksTlaxBoy05
    juneohara65so_amusedDannyjokesUrinElCakeswarmfeathersgoodballs
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    I'm not ignoring you.
    I'm just letting all the people around you know that they're a lot more important than you.

    • 519
    • FAVS
    shimmalajjravlsanityinabottleCurly_gurl1351bastardangelmerican_ninjyPee_And_GigglesZombie_Kit
    • 157
    • RETWEETS
    shimmalajjravlsanityinabottleCurly_gurl135tiReynardUhhmIDontKnowSalmaElWardany1favstar_history
    cathisamazingWhiteMale
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Nice try girls who pretend to love sports, nice try.

    • 524
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl135Nicoleroxxubohokelsotessy_lynnmerican_ninjyPee_And_GigglesAmezstertanialunreal
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135merican_ninjyJohnBechardUhhmIDontKnowSalmaElWardany1dondraperrocksAPANCHALYPSENOWlunasgarden_
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Awww...My sobriety is so damn cute when it wants to compete with my alcoholism.

    • 458
    • FAVS
    Curly_gurl135merican_ninjyPee_And_GigglestiReynarddebbiepsychRowdyReneseph725revious
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    Curly_gurl135reviousUhhmIDontKnowdondraperrocksTlaxBoy05lunasgarden_67orbustzachv86
    JizzIam__________
  • _correctomundo
      Charlie @_correctomundo

    Hey romantic good guys, the last girl who fell for a poem died in Woodstock from an acid overdose back in 69.

    • 432
    • FAVS
    merican_ninjyPee_And_GigglestiReynard_iacta_est_LampMasterFlexreviousUhhmIDontKnowhaykshan
    • 102
    • RETWEETS
    LampMasterFlexreviousUhhmIDontKnowSalmaElWardany1thumbprinzedondraperrocksTlaxBoy0528melanymanas
    kamiekaymee__schaeffyquake
@_correctomundo

@_correctomundo

I love that part of relationships when people don't know they hate each other yet. http://favstar.fm/users/_correctomundo