@_daybu's (Day·bü) most faved Tweets...
I got my cat to take a pill by shoving it in her mouth and holding it shut. It was oddly reminiscent of how I, ohh nevermind.
Saying your girlfriend is your best friend is the same as saying your parents are your roommates. You failed at life, either way.
My problem with braille is that I dont understand how blind people know where to touch to even read it.
If I get pulled over for not slowing down for the rough road, do you think he'll accept "I like it rough" as an excuse?
"So how'd you meet your girlfriend?" "Oh someone bet me a bucket of PBR that I couldn't sleep with her... So I did and the rest is history."
To the followers I lost while I was drunk last night: I lied when I told you I loved you. I also fucked your best friend.
I don't know where Harris Teeter finds it's chickens, but judging by their breast sizes I'd say the males were extremely sad to see them go.
Sleeping at the lady's house tonight, so I brought a laptop and PHP book.
We are going to have a kinky time, let me tell you.
We are going to have a kinky time, let me tell you.
Cust: "You're open 24 hours, so does that mean you have someone on premise 24 hours?"
Me: "No, we let customers run the store from 10p-6a."
Me: "No, we let customers run the store from 10p-6a."
I spent too much of my day near SC. My car has grown 2 more cylinders and apparently got a tattoo of Calvin pissing on an Acura emblem.
1-4 beers = Gain 1-4 follows;
5-8 beers = Lose 1-4 follows;
8-12 beers = Lose 5+ follows, gain sexy DMs;
12+ beers = Get banned from Favrd.
5-8 beers = Lose 1-4 follows;
8-12 beers = Lose 5+ follows, gain sexy DMs;
12+ beers = Get banned from Favrd.
If thou encounterest 99 problems, pray to the Lord that a bitch ain't one, and thy prayers shallt be answered.
OH SHIT! My Papa Johns offer has ARRIVED. Thanks random spam email! I've been waiting for this offer to arrive. This beats the rapture!
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