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Why can't I be the slut my vagina wants me to be?
I wish I could do an accent like Long Duck Dong & go around saying "whatsa happinin hott stuff" & and the a gong would sound out of nowhere
Why can't we just do things like they did in the old west? Carry a gun in a garter & shoot the people that piss us off.
My pick-up line "I'm a pirate & I want ur booty" Hasn't worked yet but someday I hope to have a peg leg & a parrot to help me seal the deal
I'm having a hard time connecting to the internet I steal.
My ex-boyfriend could eat pussy for hours...too bad it wasn't mine. o_O
Huge ring around the moon tonight, kids asked why, so I told em...shit's about to get real, the moon is falling. They love me WAY more now.
I'm not bitter, I'm actually quite sweet...trust me, I checked.
I wish ppl would at least start a good rumor about me, like "Hey, did u hear, Tosha went back in time & got stoned with Jim Morrison."
With such sexual deviants as ourselves I propose a new social network...Clitter. I think it will work for me mutiple times.
I now remember why I quit going to weddings...I fucking hate people.
I tweet shit as it comes into my brain...good, obscene, bad, worse, and pathetic.
I live in a rural area, I'm outside, isn't this when aliens are supposed to abduct & probe me? I NEED to be probed!
The way I'm losing followers I should be down to -50 by next week. Fine I'm not funny, but I bet I fuck better than you!
I would really like to take a vacation from this "not being a whore" business.
Life is like a box of chocolates--you gotta poke a few till you find the ones that taste good.
Coworker: "Your purse smells like weed!!??" Me: "I know."
If it weren't for some of the fucked up shit you guys write on here, I would think I'm the only nut job in this crazy world.
When I think of the people who have fucked me over I wish them the best. The best diseases #syphillis, #gonnareaha, #lepracy
You can't force love, but there's always Stockholm Syndrome.
Warning: I say fuck & cunt a lot. I can be serious & I can be funny. Just never seriously funny.