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Hey guys. Stop touching your wife's pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her.
Your soul mate is unhappily married to someone else.
Fuck love. Go with lust.
Awwww you're not fat. Now chin up!...... and the other one too.
If you spell marriage backwards it spells "I hate my husband. "
Whenever someone ignores me I just stab them in the neck. It usually gets their attention.
The liver is a bad thing and must be punished.
I want whatever Dr. Seuss was having.
Let's get drunk and make bad decisions.
I just got jiggy with it. It's not all it's made out to seem. Fuck you Will Smith.
I know you want me. Not you. YOU.
I'm the kind of dirty you can't wash off.
Two types of people who annoy me: 1. Drunk people when I'm sober 2. Sober people when I'm drunk.
I'm going to need more alcohol for this.
I am simply difficult.
1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, whore!
Let's get drunk and make bad decisions that we will both regret in the morning.
Don't fall for sweet words. Fall for sweet efforts.
Mornings should be moved to a more convenient time of the day.
The last time I saw you, I was hoping it was the last time I saw you.