i'm so vain that every time i get a retweet i go to their profile and see what my tweet looks like on their page.

a friend of mine asked me if i like fight club. i punched her in the face for breaking the first two rules of fight club.

if i go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, i immediately take the coke out of my bag & snort it on their coffee table

i went to my boyfriends house and asked what's for dinner. he was saying all this cute stuff like 'who are you?' and 'stop eating my food!'

all my friends are either getting married or having kids on purpose. LOLZ joking i don't have any friends.

one day i'm gonna make a cat very happy.

i have so many twitter crushes that i don't even know who i don't love anymore.

twitter is where you ask a serious question and get stars as a reply. (it wasn't meant to be funny, i want an answer)

ran away from home to join the circus but they didn't want me either :(

i once tweeted "do you guys even read these?" and now i realise, no, you don't. because neither do i.

you know when you start eating bread & realize that it's mouldy then vomit & everyone thinks you have alcohol poisoning for the 5th time?

i just gave my younger brother my last 80cents. so yes, i am a nice person. just not to you, you annoying piece of shit.

it's so awkward when you're taking naked photo's in your room and your mum walks in.

when i'm stoned i look like my avi. true story.

the alcohol shop guy told me i was his best customer, and then said i was beautiful and too skinny. i love him.

check this one out................. 1

whenever a guy tells me he likes me i have this overwhelming urge to prove to him he doesn't.

got my whole new years night planned out. it consists of alcohol, weed, music, my cat, and hating everyone in the world.

fuck you.

valentines day is coming up. i'm getting my special someone new catfood.