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If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
Just got back from my 1st date in yrs! It's customary to gush about how much u still adore your ex, rite?
I'm going to die alone, aren't I?
Mary had a little lamb
With mashed potatoes on the side.
Apparently the rape victim on SVU had a porn stash, not a porn 'stache. I was very confused.
Lists are for saving lives....
My penis is tingling right now.
Which is odd, because I don't have a penis.
Don't ever change. I want to forget you just the way you are.
there is an SVU marathon on tv at least seven days a week.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
at store. dude staring at me & licking his lips. moving closer. more licking of lips..him: 'mmm.delicious.'
me: 'ZOMBIE ATTACK!'
then i ran.
Reminder: Do not tuck phone in the waist of pants. It will repeatedly fall into your underwear & you will be forced to dig it out in public.
Mmm... what's that taste? It's familiar... Oh I know, it's regret! Ahh yes. Sweet, sweet regret..
No one is normal. There are just large groups of weirdos with things in common.
Anybody need a kidney or blood or plasma or eggs from my lady-parts? Any takers?!
I'm poor and this is my bright idea to make money.
sometimes my thoughts are so loud i can barely even think.
When I get angry, I purse my lips, flare my nostrils, furrow my left n arch my right eyebrow.
This intimidates no one but myself.
"Is that a light-saber in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" *waggles eyebrows*
...ahh, so that's why I'm single...
I'd tell you to go to hell, but I'm not looking for an eternity of your company.
Apparently 'Cyber Monday' has nothing to do w/ 'Cyber Sexing'. So sorry for the naked pics I DM'd u guys.
Or should I say you're welcome..
If I have to sell my soul and go it alone... mark my words, I WILL go to one of this yrs Pens' playoff games.
My life would make a great soap opera or a bad comedic drama.