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If only I remembered names with even 10% of the fervor and immediacy with which I remember the wifi password a barista tells me.
Hairstyles should get awards for Most Improved. Yeah, this looks like an unremarkable bun but you should see what I was dealing with.
Any trip to New York is just a challenge to see how many meals I can eat. And by meals I mean cocktails and donuts.
Playing 'Did I take a photo of this wine bottle b/c I liked the wine or b/c I liked the label font?' Also known as The Douchiest Game Ever.
Proustian flashback: Apparently "5 degrees and slightly hungover" is my quintessential living-in-Boston sense memory. Sounds about right.
Hahahaha you want me to switch with you from an aisle to a middle seat for a 14 hour flight? Hahahahahahaha, good one, lady.
Husband's standard packing list includes food for me in case I get, quote, crangry. I'd be mad if it weren't so sensible.
It's not so much a 'work week' as a cyclical period in which all my clothes migrate from my closet to live in a heap on a chair.
So... I have a question. What the FUCK, Foursquare?
When trying to get out of doing a shot with a group, the hip thing to do is shriek 'I'M 32!!!'... right?
Kate McKinnon to play lady Thor. BOOM. Where do I pick up my casting Oscar.
OH, guy on bus on cell phone, discussing his college career: "I majored in tomfoolery and fuckuppery."
ASTOUNDING display of mansplaining. Going for gold.
He's now announcing who's the best TV character ever. Spoiler alert: it's Steve Urkel.
Propping your iPad on your work laptop screen is the new hiding your Archie comic inside your math book.
Yes, hello, I'm trying to reach the Institute of Do You Wear Boots Over Or Under Corduroys. It's urgent.
d) Because if you do not believe your life is worth documenting, or knowing about, then why are you wasting your time/our time? Our air?
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