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If I ever woke up in a hospital with no recollection of how I got there, I think my first instinct would be to text someone "Zombies?"
I hate how every guy who pursues Daenerys uses the excuse that "she needs a strong man by her side." Have you fucking met her?
Someone should get "NOT PENNY'S BOAT" tattooed on their palm. Not me. Someone else do it.
Im beginning to suspect that i really might not be a beautiful and unique snowflake.
Things society desperately needs to reconsider: Pants. It is hot as balls outside.
"You'd screw your own sister for a slice of cheese." "I don't even like cheese." "That makes it even worse." Oh Nathan don't leave. #Misfits
Moderator: "You've all died at least once on the show." Jensen: "I died like 40 times in one episode." #SDCC #SPN #Supernatural
Fuck yeah getting home three hours late. Mark this up as one of the worst nights in years. Can I have the rest of my life off?
Every time a customer tells me they have a red door I ask them if they want to paint it black. No one has gotten it yet.
Larry King jokes are just funnier now that Conan and Larry King are official BFFs #Conan
"Here are the test results. 'You're a horrible person.' That's what it says. A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that." #portal2
Goal for today: slip the phrase "monkeyslut is blown" into conversation without turning heads.
They need to make up an Emmy for "Biggest Badass" to give to Giancarlo Esposito for how he plays Gus Fring #BreakingBad
Is an address where we can send awards to #BreakingBad? All I have is my old karate trophy, but I feel like I need to give them SOMETHING.
That's a pretty good impression of every girl you've ever dated. RT @chrisbrown #Ahhhhhhhhhh
We all know this is going to be a huge mistake. People will come in to adopt and I'll just hide all the animals and say we're closed.
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