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“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.” ― Lemony Snicket
“You must write, and read, as if your life depended on it.” ― Adrienne Rich, who would have been 85 today.
On my way to donate blood. Because, you know. I need more room for Captain Morgan.
Writers: I'm looking for good humorous rejections of famous books for @writersdigest. 300 words, paid, in print. Go! http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/there-are-no-rules/call-for-submissions-reject-a-hit …
I love when people's Yahoo avatars are completely ridiculous. "Oh, you lost 50 lbs and explore ruins in your free time? In heels? Awesome."
My husband's grinding his teeth so hard in his sleep you almost can't hear me fashioning a shiv from the end of this toothbrush.
Counting the rings in the cat hair on my pants. I'm 467 years old.
I like how we have a president who can say "nuclear."
Give a man a fish and he'll be like, "WORST GIFT EVER!" on his blog and the whole Internet will know it was you. You suck.
My to-do list just wrote a suicide note.
Book of Eli and a bowl of cereal on Saturday night. This is how all the cats will find me.
There's a special place in hell for people this sloth-like. I just hope I don't have to take the stairs or something to get there. #fb
Dear Universe: please don't let the woman with the mullet cut my hair.
California plates on the car in front of me read OMGMOVE. This lady and I understand each other, y'all.
In Walmart. Just saw a baby with a mullet.
REPEAT: I JUST SAW A BABY WITH A MULLET.
This is so ridiculously clever. Reviews of books removed from library collections, now a thing on @electriclit: http://electricliterature.com/discard-pile-german-secret-weapons-blueprint-for-mars/ …
Managing Editor of @WritersDigest. Card-carrying @mental_floss teamster. Fan of the weird corners of the library. Tweets are my own, RT≠endorsement, yada yada.